Wedding Research

Believe it or not I was up researching wedding stuff. Soon I am going to be getting married and I do not want to look like a total tool in front of 200 people and my soon to be new in-laws. So I am trying to find out what exactly is expected of me at a wedding like traditions and etiquette, you know stuff not to do and things to be aware of that I have to do. So while researching this stuff I came across this pictures and I was wondering if this was real? I would also like to hear some feed back of wedding disasters. I think every wedding I have ever been to I was an asshole, not that I meant to be one just that I was always scared of them for some reason. So for those people who's wedding I attended and those people who's wedding I was suppose to attend but for some reason did not *coughJoe&Heathercough* I apologize and ask for fogivness. It is not completely my fault that I am an asshole.

Guns, Rednecks, Geeks, and Politicians

A positive story about handguns, finally. Due Moore a 72 year old with a concealed handgun permit shot and fatally wounded Felix Vigil at an Albuquerque Wal-Mart. Vigil showed up at the Wal-Mart deli where he proceeded to stab the shit out of his girlfriend. The old crusty old bastard, Moore then proceeded to bust a cap in Vigil's ass. Now, if Wal-Mart will only make it legal to shoot poor drivers and out of control screaming little bastards.


That picture is from New York. Yes, it appears rednecks have penetrated the north and have foot holes in the state of New York. What's better is the reporter who had to explain that farm-n means farming. Pieter DeHond the redneck in question has received 700 replies. One woman from California sent him a pizza with her name and phone number on it. "I reckon that seemed like a nice thing to do," said DeHond, who has since been in contact with this extremely lonely woman.



If this story reminds you of yourself log off of World of Warcraft, grab a beer, Tara Reid, and get a cheap hotel room. Geek Overcomes Social Anxiety By Turning Life into RPG

Here is an additional wallpaper for sticking with me this week.

GOTD: Taylor Twins

This goes out to the men you like their women in the kitchen. Hopefully you will enjoy the Taylor twins.

GOTD: Barton Twins

CROUCHING DRAGON HIDDEN JESUS

Well I am moving into a new place. The most important thing for me when moving in is where do I put my statue of Jesus. For you to fully understand this you must know that this statue came to me through dishonesty and sin. A few of my drinking buddies decided to go out riding around to terrorize the campus one day. Needless to say across the street of the campus is say a 4 foot statue of Jesus at a Christian Store being drunk they thought it would make a good addition to their room. Fast forward to the next day I went to the room and found them to be supertious, scared, and distressed because in the middle of their room was a 4 foot concrete Jesus. Drinking must give you super human strength because this thing is heavy. So the only solution to their problem it seemed was go out and throw Jesus away. Well I just could not let them do that so I saved Jesus. That's right not only does Jesus save Crazy Dan saves too. Well that's the back story of why I have a Stolen 4 foot concrete statue of Jesus. However my roommate refuses to allow me to put Jesus in the front of his house but he has a Dragon Statue on his fireplace showing it off like some God Totem. But we compromised and placed Jesus on the corner of the porch to watch over the house. So burglars beware the house of Crouching Dragon Hidden Jesus.

GOTD: Bucci Twins

Sorry I totally forget to post this, this morning.

Twin week begins and let's start it off with Shawna & Jennifer Bucci. Today is for the blond lovers they might not be natural, but when did you care. These women don't have your boob fix with measurement like 34b-25-35 for you boob enthusiasts, but it's like my daddy always said "I wouldn't kick her out of bed unless it was to fuck her up the ass."

GOTD: Valentina

Last of the Rocker Girls.

Fine Be That Way

So the Aimless Ranter not only bitches about everything he is a crybaby too. "Your stories are boring and too long. I want pictures of real women not cartoons." Well if you want pictures of a bunch of sluts use your computer to find some that what they were made for, not my fault you cannot get laid. But since you asked for it I will give you want you want. Just remember women love that bad guys and I am the baddest of them all.

Slow down.

The blog may slow down for the next few days as I just purchased a house. That's right I'm a homeowner now so the government gets more money. The consolation is I believe every bit of my tax money goes into making weapons, which is sweet I hope they are nuclear. I will be busy moving, painting and various other crap, but I still expect to be able to do the GOTD. One, I enjoy the GOTD post the most. Two, I'm addicted to porn, anyway, so it won't be a problem. There is one more girl left this week and because they were not all super hot, next weeks theme is.... TWINS!

GOTD: Pink Snow

Pink Snow headlines for a band called eRocktica is this band good? I don't know if I'd go that far. Are the Interesting? From the look of the website and song list I'd say yes. With songs like 38D, Catholic School Girl, and Size Queen there is not a whole lot of mystery to the band. Apparently they have live "dancers" which also don't leave a lot to the imagination either. Here is a sample of the lyrics from Size Queen "A sharpened pencil can wave goodbye, But a twelve inch ruler I'd like to try" For more insanity and eRocktica fun visit their website at http://www.erocktica.net

Take hime out!

Pat Robertson the evangilist that supposedly called for the assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez has blasted the media about their misinterpretation. "In no way did I say assassinate Hugo. I said our special forces should, TAKE HIM OUT! You know, like on a date,maybe to a movie or some nice little Italian Bistro, if time permits perhaps a round of miniature golf. The possibilities are endless!" Upon hearing the statement President Chavez had this to say: "It has been ages since anyone has taken me out and I think a round of miniature golf would be very pleasant. Also tell the Special Ops my favorite flowers are daisies."

GOTD: Roby Black

The Blackies is like a Iron Maiden / Nine Inch Nails mix with a chick lead. I'm not a fan from the stuff on the band's website, but they might be good live, Roby Black is not that bad too look at, altough she is by far not the hottest GOTD I've ever had.
http://www.blackies.it/

FELLOWSHIP OF :P FUZZBOX

As the time for exodus approached I made my way through the deserted streets to meet with the Dwarf :P fuzzbox. The old tales of the Dwarfen rebel are known throughout the land and it was his assistance that would be needed to obtain the Metal God's Helmet of Salvation. At his dwelling I found the Dwarfen Warrior bored with the simple life that seemed to plague him. The Dwarf was getting old and he knew that it was only a matter of years before times cruel hand put a stop to his adventuring days. I explained to him the journey that I was undertaking and of the enemies that awaited my arrival. It was because of this that he was more then willing to accompany on my quest. For he to had dealings with the serpent creatures throughout his life and told me many tales of his brave comrades that were seduced and fell before them. It was through his mighty battle axe alone that was able to keep the evil taint away. He said that he would need to visit his throne room to polish his axe and squeeze a mean one and thats where he would come up with a plan. When the run had reached its zenith :P Fuzzbox returned with a clever plan and told me a way to retrieve the Helmet without the enemy becoming suspicious. So after gathering his family we set out on our long journey to the Cave of Disturbed. As brilliant as his plan sounded I could not decided which would be more dangerous the Minions of the Brainkin or that of the Dwarfs hellish family. Of the great demons in this world, the one most feared in my small village would be that of the Angry Joyce. I was afraid of mentioning her for when she reads this and finds her name misspelled a torrent of fire will erupt from her mouth in her attempt to burn me alive. Nevertheless, :P Fuzzbox and his family agreed to follow me to the Cave of Disturbed.
Once entering the Cave I discovered that the Minions of the Brainkin were everywhere and masses of warriors were succombing to these whorish beasts. These serpents were truly cunning for they masked their true appearance with skill not of this Earth. It was only through the Sandals of Peace that I was able to calm my mind and see past the illusion. :P Fuzzbox just laughed and stared exclaiming that these demons were merely younglings learning their talents and that the plan he had set forth was more then capable of success. I suppose living with a demon makes you more resilient or maybe he could not see what I saw; the hungry eyes of the Brainkin and her minions were marking me. I felt as good as dead.

Tuesday

Do you remember Lawrence Phillips? He was once the star of the Nebraska football team and possible had a shot at some real fame, but do to mental and behavior problems was bounced around teams and jail cells all around the world. I can't say he played for all these teams, but he was on their roster at one time: St. Louis, Miami, San Francisco, an NFL Europe team, and two Canadian teams. Well he has been arrested again and has set a new running back record of having more career arrest then NFL touchdowns. Lawrence was playing a pick up football game with some teenagers, the only people who will with his crazy ass, when he decided to get in his stolen escalade and run over three of the teenagers. Yes, the once mighty cornhusker couldn't take being schooled by people who don't shave yet. Phillips had a warrant out for choking his girlfriend till she was unconscious had now has dreams of joining a new league in the Las Angeles County prison system. It's not known if he will make the cheerleading squad or what "position" he will be trying out for.

Wives around the world prove they are exactly the same. When Om Saleh of Jordan was watching a beauty contest he made a remark, something like "Nice tits!" or "Check out the ass on that bitch!", his wife went insane and bit of his ear. Literally, she bit of his ear and then told her sons to take the ear on their father to the vet because he was a pig and get it sewn back on. That's just cold, what are husband not allowed to appreciate the finer things in life?


After many late nights and favors called in, R. Kelly's manager was able to book him on the MTV Video awards. How could R Kelly miss playing in front of millions of young pre-pubescent girls? I'm sure the star was starting to really jones for that teenage lovin'. "Sure, some know about my past. All it takes is one though, baby!" said R. Kelly




Teri Hatcher is so busy working on Desperate Housewives that she has considered hiring a gigolo because she doesn't have time for romance. I would like to offer my services as a man-whore to Ms. Hatcher. Man-whoring can be a difficult job, but I'll let you handle it.







Tuesday, July 12, 2005 in the "sometimes..." post I ranted about the stupidity of a coworker who thought they had a computer problem. When in fact it was a cricket making the noise. Some people questioned the stupidity of the woman, today I give an update. Today this person goes off to get her head examined. Literally, she is going in for a cat scan. When the other tech in the office heard about this he came into my office where we joked about the Doctor not finding anything, then he suddenly said "Maybe they'll find that cricket in her head." Upon uttering these words a light suddenly enveloped the room as an idea burst fort. We would replace her default sounds with sounds of crickets chirping. The brilliance, sure most user would no how to change this, but I'm willing to bet she won't. She obviously has mental problems after all and I'm sure her doctor would agree. If she does happen to figure out how to change this, who cares? However, if this slight breeze is able to push her off the crazy cliff, then it's all the better.

GOTD: Tuesdae

Tuesdae was the lead singer for a band called Vext Strut you can listen to their music at http://www.vexystrut.com/music.html. She has now struck out on her own and you can check out her website at http://www.tuesdae.com/. Musicly not bad I would check her out at a cheap club anyway.

Hulk Hogan the Real American

It's a slow news day only one real article that I thought was worthy to comment on. Sure there was something about a hobbyist and his enthusiasm for growing weed and a Hindu Hugging Saint in India that escaped being stabbed. But no real one liner's came to me on these stories like the one of Ashlee. So instead of I thought I'd talk about something I heard on Sirius radio this weekend. I think it was Covino and Rich on Maxim who started this topic, that way I don't get labeled a plagiarizer. They were talking about who should run for president in '08. We know Hillary will run, but who will the Republican Party nominee and will there be an independent candidate? Along with Rich from Maxim Radio I am here by giving my full support to a Hogan - Slaughter presidency. That's right Hulk Hogan is the leader of the future. We are talking about a man that single handedly took down the iron curtain and put an ass whipping to the mullah of the Middle East the Iron Sheik. That's not to mentioning taking on Eastern Communism by leg dropping Mr. Fuji. Yes, Hulk Hogan has an exemplary resume and when you include his taking on "Giant" problems and body slamming them. You get what no one thought possible, you get a real American. Then think of the second in charge a real American hero, Sergeant Slaughter. If knowing is half the battle then consider the war won with my main man Sergeant Slaughter.

Whatcha gonna do when the Hulkamania and Sergeant Slaughter's campaign runs wild on you!

Slow News Day

Ashlee Simpson to lip sing a song about lip singing a song on SNL. What a tangle web you weave, less hot, Simpson. When I say less hot I still mean I would totally screw you in an uncomfortable position. No, not in the back of volkswagen!

GOTD: Leigh Silver

While thinking of themes for the GOTD I started looking around for sexy rock chicks and came across site that showed several garage type bands that had hot chicks in it, so that is the theme this week "Hot Rock Chicks You've Never Heard Of". I should save the best for last, but I'd just as soon start the week of right with a sexy byatch known as Leigh Silver if you want to hear or see more of her visit her website at http://www.leighsilver.com/

Video Update

Updated the videos. They are all Disturbed just like me, my friends, and anyone who reads this site on a regular basis.

Battle of the disturbed.

Deep in recesses of the earth lays the Cave of Disturbed. In this cave there are hundreds of people all battling for supremacy. In this lair the serpents are plentiful and flash their fangs creating havoc as warriors fight among their own to catch glimpses of the amazing round ORBS. Spies have informed me that the Brainkin has sent all her Minions to put a stop to me acquiring the Metal God's Helmet, it has even been said that she will also be in attendance. It is imperative that I find the helmet for it is this piece of the armor that will block out the mind waves that the Brainkin emits to control me. The Wizard Bid D has said that to counteract the disease of being "pussywhipped" I must find the Metal God's Helment. The wizard suggest that I seek out the famous Dwarfen leader :PFuzzbox and enlist the mighty powers of his battle axe. The Dwarf is known to have a strong taste for debauchery. In the past this would have doomed me but it is my belief that his drunken debauchery can keep Brainkin's Minions at bay. So tonight we battle for the Metal God's Helmut of Salvation and we shall obtain it no matter how many serpents we must put to bed.

GOTD: Tiffany Teen

I could go on with teen Internet models for another few months and will no doubt visit this subject again, but we must press on and find new hot women or else be tied town to a hilderbeast. Fear not true believers, I've saved the best for last! What can I say about Tiffany Teen? Tiffany was on of the first teen models on the Internet to hit it big. She is my favorite of the teen models and the originator. Tiffany left the Internet world and has started to pursue dreams of her own. Her absence on the net has been felt, but many imitators have popped up to try and feel the void. I wish her the best in her pursuits and thank her for the memories she has left behind. Long live the teen goddess Tiffany!

Matthew Hattabaugh of Oakland California was sentenced to 5 years in prison for running a fake bank. He persuaded a group of absolute fucking idiots to invest more then $650,000 in his private bank which he ran out of his apartment. Clients were told upon arrival "I'm sorry for the mess, but I've been busy doing... ummm banking stuff. Just move that crap on the couch over and have a seat. Oh, would like some Mac and Cheese?


So ninja's finally made their move in Orange County. I knew it was bound to happen sooner or later. The ninja robbed employees of the Steak and Shake restaurant after closing about 2am with a small knife. The police seemed surprised the ninja was able to rob several people with only a knife, but as one employee said. It was a fucking Ninja!









I have a love hate relationship with morons. I hate it when the ask me questions, but love it when they do something so inherently stupid you just have to shake your head and laugh about natural selection. When animal lover extraordinaire Stephen Sodones saw a snake on the road just waiting to be run over by an evil gas burning SUV he decided to help the poor creature out. As any three year old knows and Steve just learned snakes bite. Granted it was the low potency venom from a copperhead, but it still managed to bite the retard 3 times. Steve then later visited the ICU and is expected to leave soon.



In celebrity news Eva Longoria was rushed to the hospital after an accident on the set of Desperate Housewives. The accident was caused by hitting her head hard on a desk, while she was under it giving me fellatio. Some media outlets report it was caused by a pole and in a way it was.

GOTD: 702 Daisy

Something to please everyone, Boob guys, ass guys, and tattoo guys. The girl goes by 702 Daisy.

Thanks for Nothing ya Dildo

Well Phred here at West Texas Rocks we aim to please and since for some reason you did not like the girl of the day because of some homosexual fantasy of yours. Here is your requets that has been granted to everyone else Ia m sorry Phred wanted to see some titties so on the count of three..... 1....2...3... THANKS PHRED.

GOTD: Kari Sweets

:P fuzzbox said "Perv week continues Waa Hoo!!!" Well I didn't know it ever stopped. So here is something for your sweet tooth, Kari Sweets.

Dumb Thieves

The problem today is people are just too damn lazy. What happen to careful planning and methodical execution? Take Brittany Leigh-Anne Smith of Georgia for instance. This southern belle decided to rob a house after grabbing some cash, checks, and credit cards the Georgia Peach then decide to call her mom for a ride home. When the victim showed up and noticed they were robbed instead of calling the police they tried a *69 and got the burglar's mother. Then they called the police and the little sweetheart was arrested. Instead of thinking about spending the loot on Krispy Kremes and McDonald's maybe she have looked into a little exercise and walked her happy ass home.


Sometimes teenagers miss crucial steps in the planning stages. Four criminal masterminds from Rochester, New York decided to hold up a patron at the local McDonald's. After an eloquent ambush and a getaway plan in place these sophisticates took to action and robbed a man of.... $2 and his breakfast meal. Investigators have yet to leak whether it was a Egg McMuffin meal or a Bacon, Egg & Cheese Biscuit meal. These dangerous criminals are still on the loose, so CONSTANT VIGILANCE!




Maybe, part of the problem is teachers should start teaching the students and stop sleeping with the students. I know it's a novel concept, but perhaps it can revolutionize the teaching profession. Imagine teachers that did not open their legs at the site of a thirteen year old boy, but instead opened a .... Ready for it, a book. Yes, that's right a book. Intriguing! I do not know who would want to sleep with this hag, maybe she taught a special needs class, but Dana Synder Fairfax County, Virginia pleaded guilty to having sex with a minor on two occasions.




I love Microsoft and I thought this story fit perfect with todays content. Here is a big kick in the ass for all you Apple lovers. Apple is going to have to pay Microsoft ten bucks for every iPod they have sold and will sell. Bill Gates' law firm filed a patent for technology behind the hugely successful digital music player two months before Apple. The US Patent Office has ruled that Microsoft has the right to charge competitors a license fee for each iPod sold. With 21 million iPods sold you could think of Apple as Microsoft subsidiary. Sure they are incompetent and flakey, but hey it could be Novell.

GOTD: Dream Kelly

For all those who love cheerleaders, Dream Kelly.

There is a Difference

Searching through hundreds of blogs has shown me that there are a lot of political people out there. I guess you can say most of the people I know are conservatives, I guess I am too though only recently because I still think Clinton is the shit and you should buy his CD that is going to come out with all his favortite tunes. Can you believe that? I never have known a former president to be so money hungry. Anyways I thought Big D and I should take this little test to see how we differ, this way you can see why our postings is so different from each others.
Big D

Your Political Profile

Overall: 95% Conservative, 5% Liberal

Social Issues: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal

Ethics: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal

How Liberal / Conservative Are You?

Yeah, he is a bit convervative..... maybe he needs some ass or something.


Crazy Dan

Your Political Profile

Overall: 55% Conservative, 45% Liberal

Social Issues: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal

How Liberal / Conservative Are You?

I think it was that death penalty question that made me balance out more because pedophiles deserve death in the most painful ways imagainable.

Monday

Well it seems the vibrator I sent Eva Longoria is not good enough for her. Personelly I feel that is quite rude after I went to all the time and trouble of picking one out. It seems that I'm not the only though. After a recent magazine article where Longwhoria explained that she loved vibrators and every woman should own one, fans sent her vibrators by the truck load. After all the ABC Disney execs and postal workers took their fill, Longwhoria donated the rest to her friends. Disney ABC then told Longwhoria to shut her "raunchy" mouth or maybe she can just stick a vibrator in it.








A recurring post seems to be warning morons of not annoying other people. What seems obvious to most sometimes needs to be retold to the stupid. So just in case you did not know. Don't fuck with marines! Daniel Cotnoir of Lawrence, Mass. was named as marine of the year. After calling the police complaining about the noise he took matters into his own hands "Iraqi Style" and fired a warning shot into the crowd injuring one loud bastard and one shrill byatch. So if you don't want to be shot be aware of your surroundings and don't fuck with people who can kill you.





There are punishments for not doing your homework and then there is getting kicked in the nuts for not doing your homework. "The headmistress of a village school in West Bengal seriously injured a six-year-old boy when she hit him in his private parts to punish him for mistakes in the homework." Damn, woman the kid is 6 years old, shit. If you look at a little differently and I was kicked in the nuts as a homework punishment at that age I'd be a helluva a lot better at grammar and wouldn't have to worry about having illegitimate children.

GOTD: Next Door Nikki

On last week's GOTD I had a theme of page 3 girls. That was the smoothest week I've had putting together the girl of the day. I had them all done early and on time for an early before work post. Before that I usually did them that same day and had a difficult time choosing the hottie form the multitude of beautiful women out there. So I am going to try and keep doing that for at least the next few weeks or until I run out of themes. This week the girls will be our teen Internet models. This girls give me hours and hours of good internet searching fun. Some of you may have never seen these girls, in which you are welcome. Others are probably frequent visitors or even members to their websites. I'm not going to be posting the links to the girl's site, but it will be easy to search for them, try Goggle. Today I'm going to start with one of my favorite Internet models... Next Door Nikki. I don't want to put to much presure on you so have a shitty Monday!

GOTD: Sunday - Drew Barrymoore

I usually don't post weekends, but I would like to say happy birthday to the Blugstuff blogger. Here is you favorite girl Drew.

TOP FIVE PEOPLE I WISH HAD HERPES. (are you happy now!)

5. The New Pope
Maybe it is wrong of me to wish the new pope will get herpes but I have valid reasons for this though and the first one is many of the illegal people coming in to the US are Hispanic. And most Hispanics are catholic and breed like you do not believe. The reason for this is Catholics do not believe in birth control so if the new Pope got herpes there would be some new church law.
4. My Boss
Ok simple reason for this one if I pretended I had herpes and called in because I had an outbreak she would totally understand.
3. Lindsey Lohan
I really think the only way for her to get her life back on track some disease to shack up her life and nothing does that quite like your genitals being on fire and feeling like sharp knives stabbing you.
2. Colin Farrell
He made one of the best super villains of any comic book movie so far when he played Bulls eye so imagine the next daredevil with a really pissed off Farrell with Herpes it would be bloody brilliant. Plus he gets all kinds of ass I am guess with herpes he will not get as much and it would filter to umm not me cause the love of my life is reading this. Yeah that is right not mine. Love you Breezy.
1. Big D
Yep none other then your web host Big D. Do not get me wrong I hope the outbreaks are a minimum but if he had herpes I could set him up with Alyssa and then she could bang his brains out then maybe he would loan me some money and forget about it cause he is always having sex and I would never have to pay him back. Oops sorry about that I starting rating there for a minute.

I Wanna Rock!

You know you're doing something right when you starting getting comments like this. "Encouraging violence towards women, glorifying and encouraging criminal activity and completely devoid of valuable content. Wish you a Darwin Award." Obviously this isn't a Mommy and Daddy blog where I talk about the inane bullshit of my offspring. Thanks for the compliment, it let me know I'm on the right track.

Last Friday I was unable to update the video and Video Code Zone was done. This week is was back up and running and I have 5 new videos for you.

At one time I had a section dedicated to music, but it didn't pan out as a daily post. O here is some music I've come across recently. I downloaded a small Tribute to Queen CD it was okay, but one song in particular was really badass. Breaking Benjamin did their take on Who Want to Live Forever. This is defiantly something you should download. The new Staind album Chapter V is decent. I like it much better then 14 Shades of Gray, but it's nowhere close to as good as Break the Cycle or Dysfunction.

I saw today where a study rated the top five and liberal cities in America. Not that I care on way or the other but their were two cities on the top conservative list that I should note. Number two on the list Lubbock, Texas 75 miles away and Number three Abilene, Texas 85 miles away. So it's easy to guess my political affiliation, but that's about as political as I like to get.

Aimless Ranter should like this post as he seems obsessed with Jessica Simpson. Simpson decided to come out with a plus size line of jeans. Her dad said "We have people 300 pounds or 90 pounds come up to Jessica and say, 'I'm just like you' ... It's not about the outside. It's what's inside." What hallmark card did he read this shit off of? Do you think people would want to see Jessica Simpson in Daisy Dukes if she was 300lbs? Maybe you crazy chubby chasers would but I cringe at the very thought.











Sometimes you're in a hurry and you forgot what you packed in your luggage. I'm sure ladies can relate with their massive purses, which contain a little bit of everything in the known world. So when Charles Alfred Dreyling Jr. try to board a Delta Airline he was calmly asked about the PIPE BOMB in his luggage. Dreyling said he had forgot it was in there. He later told investigators he made bombs for recreation and had recently set off several devices with friends in rural Oklahoma. Now some of you may think why the hell would anyone make a pipe bomb for recreation? Well he is from Oklahoma so you should automatically think redneck and in truth he maybe telling it like it is, although I have problems with rednecks being smart enough to do this. So now poor Charles has to think of other reaction activities, which I'm sure he new cellmate will gladly discuss as they make sweet, sweet love.



A few posts ago we had a 1000 years of power with the Michigan Knight. Now I bring you DRAGONS.

That's right bitches, not Laughing at my sword collection now are you! That proof is brought to you by The Epoch Times.

I would like to say happy birthday to Kermit the Frog who turns fifty next month. Some doubted the lecherous frog would not last to fifty, but you showed them all Kermit! Kermit's heart still seems to be healthy and strong, even after all these years of eating pork.

GOTD: Tara O'Connor

Page 3 week was fun. And here is the last one for now Tara O'Connor.

Just another Thursday.

Bruce Taylor an Oklahoma man with a whooping 55 pounds of panties and a love for granny panties, was caught and beaten last night. When Bruce attempted to rob the same house for the fifth consecutive night a husband and wife team were ready. A trap including a coffee cup, a piece of string and a bra was employed to nab this panty raider. The husband then used the leg of a baby cradle to beat the crotch sniffer into submission. Bruce now faces 20 year in prison, where finally his panty obsession will be rewarded with sweet, sweet love making.


Sure I can make fun of Tara Reid and show examples of what whoring and alcohol can do you to you, but I know my readers like to go whoring and drinking and who doesn't?



I personally don't like drinking in the sun during the middle of the day. It each one's own though.

The Price was wrong for this byatch as Samantha Steele was fired from The Price as Right Australia for being too sexy. Yes the Barker beauty was found to be just entirely to slutty after raunchy internet pictures of her were found. The Search is on!

Blog Explosion Blog Reviews

I have had one review from blog explosion and I appreciate you taking the time to do it, whoever the hell you are. I agree with some of your statements and think you're a cocksucker for others. Either way thinks for the criticism. Now here is what I thought of your review.

On Design / Style- 1.00 of 5.00
What the hell? My blog is one of the few that don't use pre-made templates that are starting to bore me to death, at least give me 2.5 for effort asshole. This one rating pisses me off the most, for more then the others. You are true cocksucker for this one.

Recent / Regular Updates 3.00 of 5.00
OK, sometimes I forget.

Loadtime 1.00 of 5.00
You got me there I designed the blog for me and my highspeed circuit not dialup.

Interesting Content 3.00 of 5.00
Thank you, I'll take that as a positive.

Technical Errors 3.00 of 5.00
Whatever.

Colors 3.00 of 5.00
I'll try and take this as a positive. My blog is readable, I guess I didn't have enough pink and purple on their, huh? Well let your colors shine, Rainbowbright.

Grammar 1.00 of 5.00
You got me there. I wonder if you can grade lower?

Too many plug-ins 3.00 of 5.00
You don't need plug-ins for my site. I purposefully don't use flash for this reason.

Layout 3.00 of 5.00
Whatever.

Review total score 48 of 100%
Well fuck you too.

GOTD: Katie Price - Jordan

The buxom or inflatable, depending on your mood, Katie Price also known as Jordan is today's Girl of the Day.

Old People Are So Gullible !!

After reading a few practical jokes I cam across one that seemed to me to be to crazy to work. The scientist in me decided that I would test it out to see if it did in fact work to my great surprise it did! I must warn you though you must be a very cold hearted to person to attempt this but lucky for us I am that person.
I was shopping in a supermarket when I noticed that an older woman around the corner and I thought to myself there is the perfect victim. So I followed her around the store filling up my basket as I went. I could tell she was scared for a while but I kept following her and staring at her in a sorrowful manner.
When she finished shopping and I saw her head to the checkout line I rushed in front of her so that she is behind me in a long checkout line. All right by now my grocery basket is full to overflowing; and hers just contains just a few items. So to pull this off I continue to keep staring at her sadly, making her feel most uncomfortable. Finally I test her reaction. Pardon my staring, I say, but you look exactly like my mom, who died just two weeks ago from cancer. And with great skill start to sniffle and I repeat to her my claim that she perfectly resembles my late, beloved mother. I mean, exactly like her, I cry. Then, as the cashier bags my groceries at the front of the line, I ask for her for a favor: As a favor to a grief-stricken son, would you mind saying Goodbye, Son to me as I leave? Somehow, it would make me feel so much better. You can tell the old broad has taken the bait gulps and agrees to my request giving me a hug in the process. I give her a tearful smile, wave and pick up my five heavy bags. Goodbye Son! she says, waving back.
The old lady probably feels sorry for me, reflecting on her good deed, feels such a warm glow of self-satisfaction that she barely notices the cashier ringing up her own few purchases. Until, that is, the cashier tells her that the bill comes to $350. I am sure there was quite the argument and she was quite stunned I am sure especially when the cashier tells her, Your son said you'd be paying for his too. I know that was wrong of me and I should feel bad about it but the fact is she really did not pay for my bill the government did, if I have to pay all the Medicare taxes for these people I think I should get something in return. Sorry my post was so long today but I thought you needed to hear the story before the cops come and see me.

Stars and Their Crazy Sexual Antics.

Kelly Clarkson has a sex doll and I'd like to place an order. "So many people have told me to sell her on eBay, but it freaks me out what people would do with her. She has my face, so I'm protective. I don't want her to get sexually violated." Don't worry Kelly I will not violate it, but make sweet, sweet love to it. What it's not Clarkson, but Kelly Carlson? Who the hell is Kelly Carlson?




Christina Aguilera is horrified by the deterioration in Spears' appearance. She is not the only one. Aguilera hopes that Spears will be content with motherhood, because she doubts she'll ever be a pop star again. Sure Aguilera does anal double penetration and other acts I can't imagine, but she is not the one having a 200 pound rhinoceros. Aguilera promoting her new movie Dirty Sanchez and the Pearl Necklace had this to say. "She's let herself go. I can't see a comeback on the cards." Plus, those panties do not match her dress. Awww, Christina always accessorizing.






We have Big Brother in America, and I might watch it more if things like this happened. Too bad there is no way this will happen on network television. A housemate Kinga asked housemates Craig and Anthony whether she should put the wine bottle "up her fanny". Craig began laughing in disbelief while Anthony, uncomfortable with the situation told her to stop. Afterwards Kinga said "I can't believe I just done that. I didn't give a shit". Kinga then exclaimed "I'm going to go right now and masturbate on the grass" while taking the wine bottle with her. Kinga then lay on the grass with the bottle, while a shocked Anthony watched from the living room and neither dipshit offered her a hand, where did they learn their manners? Here is a link to the video, hope you don't get crabs by watching it.

GOTD: Sophia Howard

Sophia Howard is our GOTD - Page 3.

BATTLE LOST

The magician angrily tried to explain to me before I could wear the sandals I must first find a way to mask them from those that would stop at nothing to make sure my quest ends in failure. He explained that I must hold back the joy of my victory and hide the spoils of this war, for if the Brainkin found out of my attempt to recover the lost Armor of the Serpents she would tighten her grip upon me even more. I wished I had listened to him because I managed to alert the beast of my quest. My ego was out of control after gaining the sandals and I admit that I thought it possible to traverse my way around the female psychology. I was wrong, when returning from the beast's lair the Magician Big D discovered a taint on me known as "whipped". It was to such an extent that I was unaware that I had been beaten for there was not a mark on me. Big D explained to me that it was a psychological battle that I had lost and that the only cure was to either kill the beast or find the armor. It is not in me to kill the beast for if I kill her I am only dooming my clan and myself. So it has become all the more urgent that I find the armor. I must find warriors that can help me. Where can they be found though? In the mean time the magician said he could place an illusion around the sandals so that the Brainkins minions would not be able to find me as easily. By looking through ancient texts of binary he spent the night rapidly squirting a strange sticky white substance into my sandals, I asked what was this mystical ingredient, and was informed that I need to leave and contact our informant that was tailing the beast. I was immediately informed that the Brainkin has been constantly seen with her minions the past couple of days, but he was unable to get close enough to uncover their plots. However with the increased amounts of activity between them I knew something was coming. I know that this week I must once again venture into the Brainkins lair. I have notified the few men that are loyal to my quest and they have sworn to be ready to take on her minions so that I may stand with the disease known as being whipped. I must find more warriors before I continue my quest for the armor. I know but few that are brave enough. I am looking for adventures if you are up to the task inform me quickly for time is running out!

The Crazy keep getting Crazier.

Sure terrorist love reading the Quran but what are they reading when they are not reading the Quran? Harry Potter books that's what! Terrorist at gitmo love reading about the underage wizard. A librarian identified as Lori said that several prisoners were addicted to the books and have requested to watch the movies. The second favorite on the list is Agatha Christie books apparently the terrorists love women authors.

It's official construction workers hate gay music. After the confusing argument, do construction workers like or dislike gay music? Andrew Cleeson of London may have finally settled this debate after he beat a DJ for playing quote "Too much gay music". Cleeson warned the DJ he was playing too much gay music, but the DJ ignored him and then played the Wham! hit, Wake Me Up Before You Go Go. Cleeson then "bum" rushed the booth and head "butt"ed the DJ giving him a broken nose.

No matter what part of the world you live in, you just don't fuck with old maids. In Bordeaux, France a 52 year old women got angry about a loud party next door and thought an appropriate second warning would be a gunshot. The woman knocked on the door and when a 25 year old man open the door she shot him in the throat where he died instantly, proving even old maids need to get laid once in a while.



Of course, Britney Spears is going to have a white trash baby. The question is the level of trashiness. With Britney drowning Budweiser's in the final trimester I'm betting on Joe Dirt Tattooed White trash.

The legally blond star Reese Witherspoon blasted Jessica Simpson for acting stupid and giving dumb blonde girls everywhere a bad name. I will mediate in this feud and try to get the stars on talking terms. I have decided that it will take place in the neutrality of my bedroom.

Blog Quote:
(to himself) YOU JUST SAID YOUR SISTER WAS HOT. WHAT A FREAK. You're going to Hell, Dude. - Joe Dirt

GOTD: Michelle Marsh

Making the GOTD from page 3 is more difficult then I thought. Not so much that I can't find pictures or even that is tough to choose, but that it's tricky to find pictures where the girls are not topless. I did make a promise not put nudity on the blog and I try when possible to keep my word. So keeping with the theme today's GOTD is Michelle Marsh. The buxom blonde from Oldham, Lancashire, England. You'll notice today I tried a new effect on the wallpaper I like to call it the sin city effect where it is black and white, but the eye color is brought out. I just learned it, thought it was cool and remeber all my GOTD's are also wallpapers just click the image to see the larger size 1024 x 768.

GOTD: Lucy Pinder

The Girls this week will be from The Sun's Page 3. The first up this week is Lucy Pinder.

Titty Twisters, Knights, and Breast Milk

Parents are trying to turn their kids into whiny ass pussies. It's time for parents to take the titty out of their kid's mouth and let them grow a pair of balls. This weekend I saw on the news that some Florida schools were banning swings, monkey bars, and running on playgrounds. WTF, no running? A few months ago a little girl was suspended in California for doing cartwheels. Now a 15 year old was taken to court for giving a purple nurple. The 15 year is being charged with assault for giving a 13 year old a titty twister. Apparently both boys were at a coffee shop and the 15 year old was probably hitting on a waitress when the 13 year old made a smart as comment. The 15 year old then proceeded to give the 13 year old a titty twister. The lesson here should have been don't fuck with someone bigger or older then you. Instead the lesson became I can sue you if you're mean to me. The 13 year old boy will one day learn the valuable lesson of keeping your mouth shut if you can't take the consequences, but instead of being a harmless purple nurple or wedgies as a kid, it will be a bloody broken mess in a hospital bed. Parents can try and protect their kids from natural selection, but eventually nature will find a way to weed out the stupid.


Sir Robert McClain a Michigan man was taken into custody after he attempted to fight off police with medieval weaponry. After a car crash, Sir McClain fled to his home where police found him in his dungeon (read basement) preparing to fend them off. Clad with his metal mesh guard and leather gauntlets McClain made a valiant attempt to duel the police officers. Before the battle McClain let out a fierce challenge and battle cry "I got a thousand years of power, come get some!" After dodging a sword and a mallet the police were able to use wizardry and stun the McClain into submission.


Coming soon to you grocery's freezer isle, breast milk. Prolacta Bioscience, a small company just outside Los Angeles wants to commercialize breast milk. "Human breast milk is really an incredible therapy. Let's try to develop processes where we can preserve every bit of its nutrients and the potent antiviral and all of its diseases fighting properties." said Prolacta chief executive Elena Medo. Right now the company has only plans for two flavors chocolate and vanilla.

Blog quote of the day.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.- Albert Einstein quotes

TRIUMPHANT

There is an old proverb that states in the land of the blind the one eyed man is king. It is also common knowledge that snakes cannot truly see but only notice the heat that comes off their victims. That is why most snakes only hunt at night and with this knowledge my comrades and I came up with a plan would beat those whores known as the three serpent guardians. If in the land of the blind the one eyed man is king well would it not hold true that in the world of blind snakes the one eyed snake is king. It would seem to me that this theory should hold true but could I keep the one eyed snake under control, I had no choice but to try. Once again I visited the palace of the guardians only this time I would conquer them. With the help of a magician who gave me a blue pill that would hide my heat but at the same time make me brighter then the North Star I entered their domain. It was as the magician predicted the serpent women noticed me immediately but had no idea what the night truly had in store for them. At first they tried to seduce me as they did before, but for some reason it was not working and after all the men they had tamed they pondered if they had finally found a worthy opponent. So there next course of action was to combine their powers and asked if I would accompany to a room more private. Once brought to this room I noticed a smell of lust and longing and could only guess at what foul magic they had planned to use. The serpents slowly began taking off their clothes in an attempt to take over my mind and make me forget my quest. Hoping that the magician did not fail me I unmasked the one eyed snake and to their surprise found him to be one of the largest most powerful of its kind. Being prideful and vain they thought they could tame the beast. After hours of a battle hard fought and horrors that I will not speak of, with the help of the magician Big D and his blue pill, I was able to subdue these evil creatures. They came humbly and mightily and in the end gave me the treasure of the sandals of peace.

GOTD: Anne Kournikova

Anne Kournikova makes her debut.

Jesse James says Shutup and Make me a Pie!

We knew it was going to happen sooner or later. The star of crappy chick movies Sandra Bullock has started working at her sister bakery. Now guys everywhere don't have to worry about being dragged to Miss. Congeniality 3. One woman we spoke too seem to be sad "I will miss her, she made really good, movies. Didn't she honey?" The woman's boyfriend, however had a different opinion although he didn't vocalize his thought, you could tell from the retching actions he was making behind her back that this was great news. One man seem to think that the success should be attributed to Jesse James Sandra's new husband. "Jesse is such a pimp, he probably said shut up and bake me a pie and stop fucking around with that sappy ass shit." At the bar a large explosion of clamor could be heard from outside from men toasting Jesse James. However, she could just be broke and like ever Hollywood actor or actress she is extremely lazy so needed a flexible part time job. In an Interview Bullock said "I wouldn't depend on the shop for a job, but would work there occasionally. Only when I need the money."

GOTD: Tara Reid

I still bang Tara Reid's drunk ass!

GOTD: Fergie

For all you weirdos who like a golden shower I present Fergie. check out Blogs are for Wusses on the story.

Fantasy Football

Well it is that time again its FANTASY FOOTBALL TIME let the games begin. Once again is time to make my rivals cry like the little girls they are. This one goes out to the person that cheated by getting their 3 year old and wife to play last year that way enabling them to pick all the best players. Oh you can't see what I am doing right now because I promised no extreme profanity or nudity to Big D. However, I will describe what I am doing. Picture a goat in the center that is you Martinez ,oops no names then a pig on one side of it and a sheep on the other. Ok, I have me privates in the goats ass and a finger in both the pig and the sheep. Now picture the thrust of all fingers and privates and that is what I am doing. That is also a good picture of what is going to happen to all those that try and take me on at fantasy football this year. So get ready for a more vocal and violent year.

The Tenth Planet.

Dr. Mike Brown an uber-nerd of the extreme has discovered a 10th planet. This has been out a few days actually a couple of years, but it's just now official. I haven't heard much discussion on it so I thought I'd put my spin on it. The official planet name is 2003 UB313, but Dr. Brown gets to put a real name on it. This geek wants to name it Xena after his favorite show Xena: Warrior Princess. Maybe he wants to name on of it moons Iveneverbeenlaid, this is just sad. He has ten years to name it so maybe he will come up with something cool, but it doubtful. I thought today I would try and get some reader participation, because ya'll are some funny fuckers. (That's a compliment for the new readers) We will use the same rules as NASA.

1. One Word.
2. No more then 16 characters.
3. Must be pronounceable.
4. Cannot be offensive (I believe this may be to general though. What is offensive to the average person is common place for most of you.)

Most of the planets are named after roman gods, but do not limit yourself. You can submit multiple names. Let the naming begin!

Apple and a Random Thought

News:
Apple computers desperately trying to keep pace with PCs have produced an ingenious idea. A multi-button mouse! Yes, No longer do you only have the only option of one, but the magical number of two. Did the geniuses over at apple stop there? Absolutely not, they also added a scroll wheel. This scroll wheel will allow you to move from the top of a web page or document to the bottom with out having the pain of moving your mouse over to the scroll bar and clicking it. This Mighty Mouse is just another part of the apple revolution. Many apple enthusiasts were worried when they heard of Apples plans to incorporate Intel architecture in their sacred machines, but few can doubt the ingeniousness of a two button mouse. "Sure there will be some confusion at first that is expected. Here at apple we feel after a six week course you will be apple to operate your mouse with ease and confidence" said Steve Handjob. Most of the above is obvious bullshit, but the mighty mouse is real and it will give Mac Zealots the ability to use two buttons. "Mr. Anderson that is the sound of inevitability."

Iraqi Village leaders name a soldier a sheik. This is a cool story. http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/0801iraq-sheik01.html

Random Thought:

Sometimes I forget where I live when something happens to bring me crashing down in to the cold hard world of reality. While thinking of something to type up for the blog I heard something that was not really surprising, but at the same time all too mind-boggling. Sure I live in rural Texas where cowboys still exist, farming and ranching is the largest business and a spit cup is common place in trucks and offices. All of this may seem strange to the outsider, but goes on unnoticed to us natives. Must my brethren quote Smokey and the Bandit though? In the south you are genetically disposed to enjoy this movie so I can't say anything about repeat viewings or energetically enjoying the film. But quoting it in everyday speech?

Girl of the Day:
Mandy Moore has been in the last few episode of Entourage on HBO and she is looking hot.

The return of pudding pops.

Yes friends the Jell-O Pudding Pop is back. Let us all sing songs and rejoice in this momentous news!

GOTD: Jessica Biel

Sure Stealth is unoriginal and is bound to suck, doesn't make her any less hot.

Monkey Jihad

Hordes of filthy stinking monkeys have stormed the agricultural fields of Puerto Rico taking no prisoners. Many a banana has been bruised, beaten, and killed. The Puerto Rican army is taken the fight to the monkeys in an unprecedented military campaign the likes which the citizens of Puerto Rico have never known. The monkeys have proven quite resilient and clever, however and top military strategists seem to be at a loss. Top aides claim that the monkey menace may never truly disappear, but in roads can be made a stable peace reached. A small group of protestors believe the monkeys should have territorial rights to these farmlands and praise this monkey revolution. "These monkeys have been breed in labs and have been put thru torturous experiments. Isn't it time they had a homeland?" said one protestor who wished to stay anonymous. The Puerto Rican population on a hole seems to be split on the campaign with 52 percent believing the government is doing all it can and slowly freeing the farmlands from monkey occupation, while 46 percent believing the campaign to be a hopeless quagmire. "We must pull out of the agricultural farms and give in to the monkeys, what is to be gained by resisting the monkeys?" When asked what she would eat the woman shrugged and said "Wanta Fanta?" Right now the main battle seems to be centered on Toa Baja. Elias Sanchez, a top assistant to Toa Baja's mayor seems confident but cautious, "No one knows how many primates live in and around Toa Baja" but the city is doing it's best to address the problem. Toa Baja's mood seems different from the rest of the country where fear has been traded for outrage. Authorities recently acknowledged a cell of these wretched moneys has turned up just 20 minutes outside metropolitan San Juan - home to 1.5 million residents and a virtually unlimited number of hiding places. Jose Chalbert, director of Puerto Rico's Department of Natural Resources "It would be very bad if these monkeys got to San Juan, I don't even want to think about having to trap monkeys there." The monkey rebellion seems to have unlimited fecal munitions and is believed to have obtain these weapons thru nefarious illegal trades in the underground banana market. All I have to say to the monkeys is "DAMN YOU. GOD DAMNS YOU ALL TO HELL!"

Here is the real story if you have any interest.