Monday, June 12, 2006

Lifes So Empty Without Me

There has been some confusion of people thinking that Big D and me are the same people. This is untrue and I hope this clears things up as to who I am.

About me:
I am not really sure where I was born my oldest brother swears that a buzzard shit on a flat rock and the sun hatched me while my other brother said Dad cloned me for spare parts. Either way Dad seemed happy about it until he found out that I came with a twin brother, that’s when he tried to push us back in.
I was named after my great-great-grandfather, Screw Loose Dan, who told Billy the Kid that he took shits bigger then he was. Supposedly that was the first time The Kid shot someone. I think that’s enough about where I am from I will give you a brief bio of my life.
It would be stupid to try to conceal my true nature for my flaws are the stuff of legend. I am thief, a liar, an occasional murderer, an outrageous braggart, and a man devoid of even the slightest hint of honor. But, thanksgiving 1993 I pledged my life to the lady of chance if she could give me a miracle and silence the dreaded Cowboy cocksuckers so on11/25/93 the impossible happened. The Miami Dolphins defeated the Dallas Cowboys in the final seconds thanks to a Leon Lett miscalculation. From that day I knew she heard my prayers and on June 30, 2006 I will be getting married. (13 years later the same number worn by my favorite quarterback Dan Marino) Whether it is a punishment or a reward for serving her all these year I am not sure. My bride is Breezy and she is an even bigger thief then I am she has stolen my heart.

Here is a little of my bio:
Education: WTAMU (Criminal Justice, takes one to know one)
Religion: Christian (Only during Football Sunday)
Favorite restaurant: Wiener Dudes and Wednesday Steaks at the local strip club
Favorite food: Gummy boobs and anything with chili
Favorite TV shows: Anime and the Spice Channel especially on Asians
Favorite colors: bruised ass blue (Nothing like a good spanking)
Heroes: Jesus, Your Mom, My Dad, Metallica, and the guy who wrote Smokey and the Bandit.
Favorite Sports: Pro Football, College Basketball, Naked Hooters Twister
Favorite Movies: Smokey and the Bandit, Braveheart, Debbie Does Dallas


Big D said...

Life is empty without you bro.

Catch said...

maybe Im confused.....arent you and your twin brother Fuzz's brothers? I like your sound like an all right guy to me!

Big D said...

Yep Fuzz is our big brother.

Mimi said...

You may be a twin, but you are one of a kind Crazy Dan ;)

Johnny Wadd said...

I hear ya on the football religion, ah Marino...that fuckn ring always got away from him.

Curare_Z said...

but how does this prove that you and Big D aren't the same person?

Not that I think you are, but....

phred said...

You might as well give it up. When Tom Landry left the Cowboys, he took Gods blessings with him.

Crazy Dan said...

Bid D - You know you miss me

Catch - Just all right... gee thanks I guess.

Mimi - Thats Fucking right girl!

Johnny Wadd - We are always looking for more people to play maxim pick'em this year.

Curare Z - I could whip out my dick and show you how much.... smaller it is.

Phred - Whatever, what about Jimmy Johnson?? Excuses Excuses

phred said...

Jerry Jones fired him.

But , yes , to be fair, Jimmy J did a heck of a job... makes you wonder about Jones don`t it ??

Catch said...

lol..ok..I think you are super funny!!!! I love to read your posts....hows that?

Curare_Z said...

ROTFLMAO. You ARE brothers. Only a brother would be that nice to admit/claim that his dick was smaller!! ;-)

:P fuzzbox said...

Gummy Boobs, Crazee Tastee :P

Laurie said...

Gummy BOOBS???? hahahahaha

Want some candy, little boy? ;-)