Monday, June 12, 2006
Lifes So Empty Without Me
There has been some confusion of people thinking that Big D and me are the same people. This is untrue and I hope this clears things up as to who I am.
I am not really sure where I was born my oldest brother swears that a buzzard shit on a flat rock and the sun hatched me while my other brother said Dad cloned me for spare parts. Either way Dad seemed happy about it until he found out that I came with a twin brother, that’s when he tried to push us back in.
I was named after my great-great-grandfather, Screw Loose Dan, who told Billy the Kid that he took shits bigger then he was. Supposedly that was the first time The Kid shot someone. I think that’s enough about where I am from I will give you a brief bio of my life.
It would be stupid to try to conceal my true nature for my flaws are the stuff of legend. I am thief, a liar, an occasional murderer, an outrageous braggart, and a man devoid of even the slightest hint of honor. But, thanksgiving 1993 I pledged my life to the lady of chance if she could give me a miracle and silence the dreaded Cowboy cocksuckers so on11/25/93 the impossible happened. The Miami Dolphins defeated the Dallas Cowboys in the final seconds thanks to a Leon Lett miscalculation. From that day I knew she heard my prayers and on June 30, 2006 I will be getting married. (13 years later the same number worn by my favorite quarterback Dan Marino) Whether it is a punishment or a reward for serving her all these year I am not sure. My bride is Breezy and she is an even bigger thief then I am she has stolen my heart.
Here is a little of my bio:
Education: WTAMU (Criminal Justice, takes one to know one)
Religion: Christian (Only during Football Sunday)
Favorite restaurant: Wiener Dudes and Wednesday Steaks at the local strip club
Favorite food: Gummy boobs and anything with chili
Favorite TV shows: Anime and the Spice Channel especially on Asians
Favorite colors: bruised ass blue (Nothing like a good spanking)
Heroes: Jesus, Your Mom, My Dad, Metallica, and the guy who wrote Smokey and the Bandit.
Favorite Sports: Pro Football, College Basketball, Naked Hooters Twister
Favorite Movies: Smokey and the Bandit, Braveheart, Debbie Does Dallas