Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Cowboy Spaghetti

We’re in the kitchen again here at West Texas Rocks. That’s where fat people like to stay. In front of the stove or refrigerator. Seeing as I’m a bachelor I have to do my own cooking, well at least when I’m not sponging of my parents, brothers, or any other place that offers free food. I watch the food network occationally, they teach you cool shit on that show like how to peel garlic the easy way and various other cooking techniques. Considering I have no idea what the hell I’m doing this is a good thing. While watching the food network I came across a recipe for cowboy spaghetti. So let’s go over this recipe and how I followed it. I took the pictures on my Treo 650 so they’re not the best quality, hopefully it doesn’t look disgusting.

note: I decided I didn't like the pictures so I just left the beer one.

Alright it was time to go to the small town grocery store to pick up the ingredients.
• 1 pound spaghetti (easy enough)
• Salt (Sweet this one says HOT salt. Lets try it.)
• 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil (I thought maybe some whore virgin olive oil would spice it up, but I couldn’t find any.)
• 3 slices smoky bacon
• 1 pound ground sirloin (How about just some hamburger meat smart ass!)
• 1 medium onion (I can steal one from my parents garden)
• 3 to 4 cloves garlic
• Ground black pepper (Check it out, pizza pepper flakes!)
• 2 teaspoons hot sauce (How about half a cup of Tabasco and two teaspoons of Louisiana chipotle)
• 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
• 1/2 cup beer (What my beer? I’ll steal one from Dad.)
• 1 can crushed fire roasted tomatoes (Fancy bastard how about some plain crushed tomatoes?)
• 1 can, tomato sauce
• 8 ounces sharp Cheddar (I love Cheese)
• 4 scallions (Sweet, I’ll steal this too from my parents garden.)

What no garlic bread? Are you commies? I’ll grab some cheesy garlic bread. mmmm cheesy toasted garlic bread. I know I’ll add some jalapeños too.

So now we’re set. Let’s see if I can follow directions.

Heat a pot of water to a boil. (Shit, this ain’t no thing.)

Add spaghetti and salt the water. Cook to al dente or with a bite to it. (What the fuck does al dente mean. I bet it means add hot sauce and I have that HOT salt. I’m a fucking genius!)

Heat a deep skillet over medium-high heat. (I got this covered!)

Add extra-virgin olive oil and bacon. Brown and crisp bacon, 5 minutes, remove with a slotted spoon. (Also make sure to umm... taste test the bacon.)

Drain off a little excess fat if necessary. Leave just enough to coat the bottom of the skillet. (mmmmmm fat…)

Add beef and crumble it as it browns, 3 to 4 minutes. (Can you not say hamburger meat?)

Chop onions, garlic and stir into meat (chop and add a few jalapeños too.). Season the meat with salt and pepper, hot sauce and Worcestershire. (Kill me with the directions all ready.)

Add 1/2 cup beer (to belly pour the rest in skillet) and deglaze the pan. (What does deglaze mean? I’ll skip this step.)

Cook 5 to 6 minutes more then stir in tomatoes and tomato sauce.

Add hot spaghetti to meat and sauce and combine.

Adjust seasonings and serve up pasta in shallow bowls. (Time to eat! I know, I’ll call dad he’ll eat anything!)

Grate some cheese over the pasta and sprinkle with scallions. Garnish with crisp bacon. (I was supposed to take the bacon out of the pan? Fuck! Oh well, it’s all going to the same place.)

Even though I didn’t know what al dente meant or how to deglaze a pan it turned out to be CRAZY TASTY! My lips had a nice burn to them after eating this stuff. So make sure you can handle hot foods. This is for fire eaters!

Till next time!


Crazy Dan said...

What is a scallion? Sounds tasty you might have to come over and make some I am not sure I fully understand the dirrections.

Big D said...

Whatever dude. Scallions are sose tiny onions with the stems still on them.

Pixie said...

We call scallions "Spring Oninions" In the UK but Scallion sounds a lot cooler.

Big D I think we deserve to see a pic of you in your apron as well ?

:P fuzzbox said...

Al dente means half ass raw. I like my pasta fully cooked so you did good. And deglaze just means that the alcohol gets the grease out of the bottom of the skillet and back into the food.

Sounds Crazzzeee Tastteeee. Did you do a little song and dance? That always makes food taste better. Perhaps some old Red Hot Chili Peppers would work with this recipe.

Big D said...

Pixie: lol, yeah that's going to happen.

Fuzz: You know I did but it was "I went down, down, down In a Burnin' Ring Fire!!

oldfartswife said...

I saw Rachel Ray cook up some cowboy Spaghetti, she is one hot cook. I love the food network, Paula Dean is my fav, because she isn't afraid of a little fat n butter. Who cleaned up the mess? ha

Big D said...

Oldsfartwife: Beleive it or not and not many people are going to. I cleaned the mess up. Not only did I clean the mess, I did the dishes and I didn't even wait a month. I did them the same night! Yeah, scary.

Anonymous said...

Holy moly! That was an awesome write up!

One sure fire way of testing if your spaghetti is cooked is to take a noodle and throw it at the wall. If it's done like dinner. THIS is my favorite spaghetti testing method. I'm just sad I no walls in my kitchen now.

Ranea said...

Al Dente means crunchy.
Deglazing a pan means pouring in liquid then scraping off the crusties from the bottom for more flavor.

Mimi said...

Sounds yummy. Especially with the cheddar. Even though my mouth likes teh spicy stuff. It pisses my belly off. Might make this for my hubby though.

I am impressed that you watch Food Network AND try receipes. I do not even do that! You go D!;)

Catch said...

this was halarious!!! you are too funny! aldente means still a little chewy.