Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Doing Our Part

After over a year of research your patriotic friends here at West Texas Rocks have come up with a plan to destroy the Al Qaeda. After observing the terrorists actions and habits we have learned this evil terrorist group has a soft spot for gnomes. That's right the everyday common garden gnome that you see out in your neighbors front lawn. Islam is not only infatuated with these little creatures but it turns out the reason most men have beards is because the gnome is an idol to them almost a Demi-God. It is a secret truth that Muhammad actually worships gnomes! With this shocking discovery it will be possible to inflict mass damage and casualties to the Al Qaeda terrorist network. What better cover for an incendiary bomb then a tiny cuddly gnome? These suicide gnomes may be small but by turning them into robots and hiding stores of explosives under their beard they becoming deadly weapons. Just imagine them walking into a crowed terrorist meeting place and….. BAMMM!!

Garden gnomes are so common they would pass right by them and never notice that there is bomb just waiting to go off. This is truly the ultimate way to destroy Al Quada’s moral supports. Destroying the objects they worship will devastate them and force surrender. We need your help though, we do not have enough gnomes to begin this operation so please donate a gnome today and help kill a terrorist.

I leave you with a poem that will soon be sung throughout the land. I did not make up this poem it is merely sung by me and I admit it is sung badly but proudly.

There was a time when Earth was young,
and evil ruled our homes.
No good could save us from our fate,
until the coming of the Gnomes.
Through invention and curiosity,

through fast speech and faster hands,
orcs, ogres, and even trolls,
were forced to flee the lands.
Gnomes, Gnomes,

the heroes of the past.
Gnomes, Gnomes,
never came in last.
Fighters, clerics, magi, and thieves,

they fought in all ways.
Goblins, gnolls, and kobolds,
were slain over many days.
Gnomes, Gnomes,

the heroes of the past.
Gnomes, Gnomes,
never came in last.
As time went by and good was restored,

the Gnomes finally returned home.
The people never forgot,
the power of the Gnomes.
Gnomes, Gnomes,

the heroes of the past.
Gnomes, Gnomes,
never came in last.


TTQ said...

Funniest thing I've read all day.. You know here in Florida we could use those damn plastic flamingos, I'd be willing to turn back to my old highschool days of taking things from peoples yards and putting them in another yard...after of course the flamingo's had some alterations..

Big D said...

Into the breach my dear gnomes!

Pixie said...


I hate Garden gnomes, I didnt know you guys had them here too !

phred said...

You got too much spare time on your hands....

:P fuzzbox said...

My garden gnome gives me my Tuesday poetry posts. He rocks!!

Catch said...

I dont think I will ever look at one of those garden gnomes the same again.

Kamran Aslam Mian said...


Good stuff here...

Kamran Aslam Mian said...

i think you mis read cz pos 21 is for food and drink. where as pos 23 means:

You have a high IQ, and you are both brain smart and street smart. You have a highly-developed survival instinct and will lead a meaningful and long life. You will be active until a very old age and will have friends and family around you till the very end.

thanx 4 the visit.

Curare_Z said...

LOL. Dude -- what drugs are you on? :-)

Crazy Dan said...

ttq - nothing wrong with altering of taking peoples garden decorations. Which is why I now have a concrete statue of Jesus, but thats a long story.

Big D - Yes our plan will not fail.

Pixie - Yes these amazing little creatures are everwhere, dont you watch those travelosity comercials.

Phred - If trying to defend America is wrong I don't wanna be right!

Fuzz - Glad I could be an inspiration.

Catch - Remember Remember the 5th of November!

Kamran - I think you are mistake it actually refers to the spankings of several monkeys while inserting a thumb in ones anus.

Curare Z - I think its because I am sober it has been so long since thats happened.

CT said...

so is travelocity with that roaming knome owned by camel jockies? LOL... Can I send knomes borrowed from yards around my neighborhood? lol...

phred said...

We should cast a large gnome and sneak it into their town late at night and place it at the town square.
The next day, when they all gather to worship / admire it... Kaboom !!!
You know..something spectacular, something nuclear... ( Big D`s favorite ) .

TTQ said...

You might want to start off small... like giving the gnomes diet cokes to hold and then at appointed time have mentos dropped into the gnome's diet know kinda like a warning shot to show them you mean buisness, then again maybe long ass fuses are the way to go, give the gnomes a little "Air Play"..there has to be planty of open space in Texas to test your best means of assualt...I've collected five gnomes so far from my neighborhood.. I'm awaiting directives..

tsduff said...

I love this post! Best one I've seen in a long time :-D