In the world where one God reigns, one man has risen above the rest to cement his place in legend as a living man god. Yes, you know of whom I speak. The mere mention of his name drives both fear and hope in your heart, Chuck Norris. We have all read the thirty facts of the man-god Norris. However, separating legend from fact is difficult task for Norris supporters and a few petty squabbles may divide a legion of committed supporters.
Vigilance must play a key role to Norrisites as time moves forward. Spreading false rumors like the one below should be immediately corrected. The purveyor suffering the penalty of a round house kick to the face.
“Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the
speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was
flying over the Pacific Ocean.”
This is easily a false rumor as Chuck Norris never loses control of his almighty Round-House kick and a Round-House kick of that magnitude would echo across the planet immediately warning the populace of Chuck Norris’s displeasure.
Staying vigilant, however, should not prevent the faithful from spreading the word of truth. For we know some facts such as;
“There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.”
When a legend such as;
“Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.”
Is being discussed it must be kept civil with minimal round house kicks used. If neither side can come to an agreement then the best fighters will begin to a series of back and forth round house kicks until one is unable to stand. We must not allow the combatants to kill as that will dwindle down the chosen, displeasing Norris.
AS followers of the righteous path we must be aware of new threats to the great Norris. How long will Norris be able to lay claim as the ultimate power with new supermen like The Hoff and Vin Diesel following the road Norris paved? The tribe of Norris must stay united. Centuries from now will your descendants be attending the First Church of Norris or will the Hoffians and Dieselians join forces to overthrow us creating a society of slow-motion, bald headed people. When the final crusade comes, will you stand firm as a Sidekick or stray to siren voice of David Hasselhoff and the golden shine of a Bald-Head Vin Diesel?