West Texas Rocks

Another Photoshop

2011-11-30T18:08:00.003-06:00

Enjoy you vaction when I knock you out of teh playoffs.

Moves like...

2011-09-21T07:35:00.004-05:00

I think I would prefer them to replace the work Jagger to Jaga. Jaga is much more awesome than Jagger. Just saying.

Fantasy Football

2011-08-20T14:56:00.009-05:00

It is time for Fantasy Football and being the thief that I am, I found the perfect name for my team. Portman Kunis United. I understand this is a soccer team name but I thought it was awesome. A soccor team in Dallas Texas created the idea and have some gear if you want to buy it. Just clink this link.

Monday Motivation

2011-03-06T20:47:00.006-06:00

The News That Rocks

2011-03-04T07:33:00.006-06:00

"A U.S. man high on methamphetamine drove with his wife on the hood of their minivan for more than 40 miles, hitting speeds of 100 mph, according to police." I just can't help but imagine the guy yelling, "hang on darlin' they gots a sale at the Wal-Mart."

" A banana peel, the torment of many a cartoon character, has allegedly becomethe real life down fall of a woman in California. Ida Valintine, 58 is suing the 99 Cent Store where she slipped." I am getting really tired of hearing about people suing for their stupidity. This is not even a wet floor just watch where you are going and this would have been prevented. I hope she broke her hip.

Saving Abel

2011-03-04T07:26:00.000-06:00

Saving Able is coming to town so put on your party dress and don't forget the combat boots cause its time for a hoe down.

Motivational Monday

2011-02-28T18:53:00.002-06:00

Tips From A Trannie

2011-02-25T09:04:00.004-06:00

by Zaquarius Nicole
The No. 1 rule for enjoyable anal sex is to always use plenty of lube. Rarely should your penis be the first thing to enter her ass when it comes to having anal sex. Get her prepared by using your tongue and your fingers on the area first. Pregnancy may not be an issue when it comes to anal sex, but you should always wear a condom in order to prevent STD transmission. It is really in your best interest to make sure she enjoys herself, since even one bad anal incident can put her off for life.

Musical Friday

2011-02-25T08:51:00.002-06:00

I noticed that as long as the blog as been up there was really never an ongoing section that played music. For the frist Musical Friday I thought we would start out a little bit mellow and listen to a song praising two of my favorite things. Titties and beer.

Bathroom Art

2011-02-21T22:11:00.004-06:00

I can not help but love bathroom art and really the only type of poetry I like is usually found on bathroom stalls so when a friend emailed me this pic I just had to share it. Before smart phones the only thing to do in a public bathroom was sit there and wait for the magic to happen and if you were lucky some generous soul poured out his feelings on the wall and by that I mean they wrote/drew on the bathroom stall.I really don't want to think about what else might be on the walls. Usually is it just something about some one's mother or some ex-girlfriends phone number but occasionally you get some really good stuff, things that have become classics and the only poetry most people know.

Here I sit in clouds of vapor
Someone stole the toilet paper.
How much longer must I linger
Before I'm forced to use my finger?

Here is sit all broken hearted
Tried to shit
But only farted

There was an old man from Nantucket
whose dick was so long he could suck it.
He once said with a grin,
as he wiped off his chin,
If my ear was a cunt I could fuck it.

Some come here to sit and think,
Some come here to shit and stink,
But I come here to scratch my balls,
And read the bullshit on the walls

Fuck me suck me,
make me bleed.
Kinky sex,
is what i need.

I was here but now i'm not
I sat right here and smoked some pot,
I'm writing this to make a point,
Lifes a bitch so smoke a joint

Not for Children

2011-02-20T10:31:00.006-06:00

It has been awhile since I have posted anything so I am going to start with something simple and memorable as it is something I would like to save as an interesting story in the future.

While being escorted through a home to see a child the mother was talking to me and I noticed that when we got into her bedroom she became suddenly quite and went to her baby and took something out of the child's mouth. I was watching while she did this and saw what appeared to be something strange in the child's mouth. I thought maybe I was just seeing things but I asked the lady to see what she had taken out of the child's mouth. It turns out it was a butt plug.

Condom's Don't Count

2008-11-13T06:25:00.008-06:00

My brother had a condom on when I sucked it so I am not sure if that counts. If that does not catch you off guard then nothing will. Needless to say the rest of the conversation was just as strange.

Panty Quarrel

2008-11-01T13:44:00.010-05:00

I was able to talk to some interesting people the other day. This grizzly old fart was telling me about his relationship with his wife. In his seven years of being married to his wife they have only got into one major fight but did not want to talk to me about it and tried to changed the subject because he was afraid his wife would kill him. I have to admit this peaked my interest so I begged him until he finally starting talking. He told me that one day at Wal-Mart he was shopping with his wife and they walked by the ladies department. His wife never spends any money on herself just the kids and he was getting tired of it and had finally had enough and told her that he was tired of looking at her holey granny panties and it was time she got some new ones. When he told her that it erupted into a huge fight in the ladies underwear department. Whether this is true or not I have no idea but if it was a lie it was one of the best ones I have ever heard.

So the rest of the time I am talking to these people all i can picture is two 60 year old people that are redneck truck driving meth addicts arguing about panties in Wal-Mart. "No Honey, get the lacy ones!"

Guitar Hero

2008-10-24T20:52:00.004-05:00

This post is for Breezy, this video combines two of her favortie things Bob Seger and Guitar Hero.

Quick Rant

2008-10-23T12:16:00.004-05:00

Every election I hear the same thing form a bunch a people, "why vote, we are fucked either way." Listen here you bunch of yeast infections, you do not realize how great you have it. If you really wanna be fucked move to North Korea or Cuba if you are to lazy to fly that far drive to fucking Mexico and live in that third world shit hole. The point that I am trying to make is we have it pretty good here so lets keep it that way by voting for John McCain and if you want change so bad grab a cup and go to the nearest sidewalk.

Palin Porno?

2008-10-14T07:02:00.004-05:00

We all new that the porn industry would be making a porn about Sarah Palin, the next Vice President of the United States has everyone's blood running hot. There are already a few porno's out there but it seems like hustler decided try and cash in on the VPILF with adult actress Lisa Ann. THe movie is called, Who’s Nailin Palin and it seems like she should be a good job at doing it.

Toadies

2008-10-11T18:35:00.003-05:00

The Toadies have reunited and decided to grace us with there presence. I admit I am a Toadies fan and it was good to see them get back together. There was nothing magnificent about the show but if you like the Toadies they are back and ready to rock out. The show lacked energy but it was nice to sit back and drink a beer instead of having to watch out for crowd surfers.

The Comeback

2008-10-09T07:23:00.003-05:00

I have decided to try and bring back the blog that started it all for me and Evyl/Fuzz (not sure what name he likes to go by.). I looked at the archives and even saw that Smoke had written a post on here after winning a "Yo Momma Contest". Feel free to look in the archives some of the pictures are no longer there because the architect of this blog, Big D put them on another server and that sever is no longer around. I am not very good with computer stuff so it will take me a while to get things looking good and running smooth.

Preacher Man

2007-09-19T07:20:00.000-05:00

Big D stop being so lazy and post something!

Transformers - Gay Robots

2007-07-04T15:40:00.000-05:00

I'm sure many fanboys (homosexuals and queers) will be delighted by what Michael Bay has done to update the Transformers mythos (basically, that means incorporating A-level special effects and blowing lots of things up). On the other hand, those with no particular emotional attachment to the toys will find this movie a big steaming pile of shit. This movie is essentially one long product placement.
Thus far, the summer of 2007 has been full of very loud, very unsatisfying action movies. Transformers tops them all - it's louder, flashier, and more hollow than anything else out there. At 135 minutes, it drags - sometimes painfully so (I fell asleep). The movie is top-heavy with exposition, and the only decent action scenes occur in the final 25 minute. The characters are so poorly developed and the Transformers so singularly uninteresting that the question of who wins or loses doesn't matter and we are humans so you would think I would want not to be destroyed. All the effort behind Transformers went into making the robots look cool; nothing went into developing a compelling storyline or even make you care about the characters. Even the headline bout between Optimus Prime and Megatron is pedestrian - two big metallic monsters slugging it out while the camera spins around them as if out of control. It's kind of reminiscent of the Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots going at it (I think I would have rather seen a movie about them).
The only redeeming quality aboout this movie is LaBeouf's performance it is charming and earnest but he never made me care about Sam. The intent is to make this an average guy who becomes heroic after being thrust into extraordinary circumstances, but the movie doesn't get us there.
Transformers is a jumble of the good, the bad, and the ugly, with the latter two categories outweighing the former. The film has a lot of nice touches (such as the opening attack in Qatar, where there is a sense of danger, and the John Hughes-inspired introduction of Sam), but the meat of the story is plodding, recycled sci-fi drivel.
Yes, there are plenty of explosions, but those are a dime-a-dozen these days; even Discovery Channel's Mythbusters has them. Transformers isn't clean, big-budget fun; it's clean, big-budget tedium. For Transformers fans, I suppose this is a dream motion picture. For everyone else, it's a nightmare.

Cock Fighting

2007-06-28T09:54:00.001-05:00

Louisiana is set to ban cock fighting in 2008. This has to be hard on people that spent hours and hours training their cock for that special event. Alas, Louisianans can no more spend those late nights oiling up that big cock polishing it for the next day’s adventure. The once muscular proud fighting cock will become limp, pale, and depressed. Not wanting to rise in the morning or even stand erect as hens flaunt pass. The once active cock will merely wish to hang around never getting up no matter how hard the owner beats it. Some may think it’s saddest for the large cocks as that as their purpose. To enter the ring and come out victorious as it crows and spits, but what about that smaller cock whose endurance and stamina is spectacular, that little small agile cock stabbing in and out and in and out as building to the climax of the fight before finally screaming out for release. I am sorry for these proud cocks and for their grieving owners and their wives and daughters, because remember THIS is Louisiana.

Jessica Alba talks Womens Lib

2007-06-26T15:27:00.000-05:00

The Fantastic Four movie did not completely suck this is cause for celebration here at West Texas Rocks.

"Jessica Alba wants to have sex in a whole lot of different ways and with a whole lot of different guys. No, this is not a dream of mine, it's really the truth. The open minded actress has admitted that she likes to experiment with different sexual situations and partners, and that she's kind of into one-night-stands." -G4 Website

Click here for the full story!

American Hero - Bob Barker

2007-06-21T11:28:00.000-05:00

Today I salute a nineteen time Emmy Award winning game show host, Bob Baker.The man, the myth, the legend has just concluded a 50 year television career and 35 years as host of The Price is Right.

Remember to get your pet spade and neutered, Bob knew first hand about animal instincts and getting wild and crazy. Bob is a true pimp having nailed most of his barker beauties. Including Dian Parkinson and Janice Pennington. In the words of Bob himself, "As God is my witness I never asked her to do anything she didn't want to do." Which of course included the donkey Punches, golden showers, and the infamous Cleveland Steamer.

And who can forget the ass whipping he gave Happy Gilmore. I for one had no idea that Bob is one old fucker you do not want to mess with. For all these reasons and because he decided to retire before he collapsed of old age on stage, I salute you Bob Barker.

You can go to youtube here if you want to watch the entire fight scene.

Cooking with Potter - ButterBeer

2007-06-18T13:08:00.000-05:00

Butterbeer
It warms you up AND tastes great. Now in take-away form from The Three Broomsticks.

Ingredients:

1 cup (8 oz) club soda or cream soda

½ cup (4 oz) butterscotch syrup (ice cream topping)

½ tablespoon butter

Directions:

Measure butterscotch and butter into a 2 cup (16 oz) glass. Microwave on high for 1 to 1½ minutes, or until syrup is bubbly and butter is completely incorporated.

Stir and cool for 30 seconds, then slowly mix in club soda. Mixture will fizz quite a bit.

Serve in two coffee mugs or small glasses; a perfectly warm Hogwarts treat for two!

Strength From the Bible

2007-06-13T11:21:00.001-05:00

With all kinds of job interviews and the crazy shit that has been happening to myself and my family this last month I have turned to the only thing that can get me through this trying time. May the Lord have mercy on the ones I love and smite my enemies with a thousand biting camel fleas.

5 Favorite Places to Mooch Food.

2007-06-05T09:25:00.000-05:00

Fuzz Tagged Crazy Dan and I on the food places to eat and because Fuzz and Dan took all the places I eat (Ponderosa, Los Olivarez, Furr’s, Texas Road House, and Wienerschnitzel) I’m going to change it to favorite places to mooch food. Why go out and pay for food when I can get for free.

Moms & Dads
I love mooching food at mom & dad’s house, mainly because it’s easy and convenient. Sure most of the time it’s a sandwich, but sometimes it can be meatloaf, tacos, or occasionally a nice big steak and baked potato. If Dad’s cooking it’s either awesome fried chicken or something kissed by fire. I love BBQ season!

Fuzz’s House.
Poor Fuzz is never off on the weekends anymore so mooching has been rare of late. However, summer is mooching is in season at Fuzzes house. Stop by anytime he is off and he will delight your taste buds with some ribs, brisket, or hot links and seeing how Fuzz is really just a big softy he lets everyone mooch so no need being just family. I would be remiss if I forget to mention the free entertainment. That’s half the fun right there! Fuzz and Angry Joyce have a standup act including comedy and juggling that is all the rage at the local PD. That is if you consider juggling, throwing heavy objects as hard as you can at each other and comedy, screaming profane four letter words at the top of your lungs at each other comedy and I for one do!

Break Room Birthdays
One day every month people are encouraged to bring food in to celebrate peoples birthdays that month. Smells like a free lunch to me. Usually it’s just cakes, cookies, and muffins, but occasional you have the odd meatball, or BBQ little smokies. I accidentally found myself in the break room surrounded by pregnant women, a very scary experience, but not to be left out. I mentioned that I too was pregnant. Everyone looked shocked when I revealed I was having a baby boy… A baby boy elephant and damn his trunk was getting long!

BBQ Cookoffs
Texans love to BBQ and love to compete. If you make your way over to one of these contests you can delight in the sport as a professional moocher or you can be truly sly and find yourself as a judge. The judge gets a taste of everything without having to walk around, that’s right it’s brought to you, and of course free beer!! Don’t forget it’s required to down one beer after ever entry. No need about worrying about a designated driver just make you way into the back of someone truck and they will politely dump you on your front lawn. Pffft, and you thought southern gentlemen were a thing of the past.

Church Potlucks
Nothing says good cooking like blue haired old ladies praying for death. Most of these old ladies recipes well be going to the grave with them so it would be a sin not to enjoy them now. Just be careful in line I kicked a cane once to get first in line and she fell over and broke her hip, last time she was at pot luck and the last time I got to taste her killer cornbread .

Tagged: FOOD

2007-06-04T18:48:00.000-05:00

Since I am bored and have nothing better to do I figure I will take Fuzz's challenge and try to name 5 great places to eat. I have to commend my brother that was an awesome list of places to eat and I will try to do my best to add to that. In no particular order here are 5 places I like to eat.

The Big Texan (Amarillo, TX)

The Big Texan Steak Ranch is most famous for it's free 72 oz. steak dinner You eat at wooden tables and get to watch your food cooked on an open grill. One interesting thing about going there is that all the server have to dress like cowboys and cowgirls and nothing makes me happier then getting to watch other misery. So there is always good entertainment especially if you pretend your not from Texas and ask stupid questions to annoy the staff, plus there is live music and dancing, on Wednesday they will even teach you how to play Texas Hold'em or you can be in a tournament if you got the skills (sadly no real gambling). The 72 oz. steak dinner is free if you eat it in one hour, the only catch is you have to eat the salad too. An interesting note is that The Big Texan Steak Ranch was on MAXIM Magazine’s list of Top 10 Steak Houses in America!

Dicks Last Resort (Chicago, IL)

If you’ve never been to Dick’s, you are in for a surprise the minute you walk in the door. If you wear a tie, the person greeting you at the door will literally cut it off with a scissors. “No ties allowed” standard of dress. The “host” will also greet you by insulting you and your party – be mindful that colorful language may be used in the salutation. Upon being seated, you continue to get the picture that this is not your average restaurant/tavern. Your server will introduce themselves and proceed to insult you, me I just talk shit right back especially after a couple of Dick’s Big Ass Beers you even get to keep the glass, and you can get your food ordered in a bucket which is good because I don't have table manners any way. I told the waitress that my friend needed a nipple for his beer beer because he was nursing it , the waitress grabbed on to one of her breasts and raised it in his direction; you just can't beat service like that!

The Boiling Pot (Rockport, TX)

Driving up this place it looked more like a warehouse but if you look closely at it you will realize that a lot of work has gone into giving this place and everyone that comes can write there name on the building. As you walk in you may see two or there attractively dressed young ladies, in shorty shorts and a T-Shirt. I thought of Hooters, but really its not that at all, more like the girl next door at the bake sale with her sleeves rolled up. Then your server comes along and puts big bright disposable lobster bibs on everyone and that tells you your in for a messy time. We tried the Cajun Combo which is a half pound of polish sausage, half pound shrimp (we ordered extra), four spicy sweet corn half cobs, and if I recall a couple of blue crab claws. All were boiled nicely in the same pot with in a spicy handful of herbs, and the server took pride in the ritual dumping of the drained food in the middle of our table. I enjoyed the hell out of the food and so did my wife except she could not handle having to rip the head off her shrimp and made me doing all the shrimp cleaning.

Johnny Carino's (Anywhere, USA)

I do not know a lot about Italian food so I will not attempt to critic actual Italian food but I love the Italian Nachos, which have chips similar to Nacho chips but slightly lighter, topped with banana peppers, jalapenos, cheese, cream sauce, olives, and chicken and/or sausage.

Wienerschnitzel (Fast Food Chain)

Wienerschnitzel locations are almost entirely limited to California, Texas, and the Southwest. Who have to love a place whose mascot is a chili dog that runs around trying not to get eaten and there great advertising slogan of take the chili dog diet (No wonder I am a fat ass). Nothing says CRAZY TASTY quite like a number 5 chili dog, chili burger, and chili fires. If your ever at the Bell location in Amarillo if you use the phrase "and don't ejaculated in my chili" they use a different pot of chili, not sure if that is a good thing or not.

Potter Mania

2007-05-30T11:51:00.000-05:00

I can no longer contain the nerd inside Harry Potter Mania has taken over my life, I must apologize to my loving wife for having to put up with me.

I was never an Angel, feared by some hated by others I was on the path to self-destruction. That has all changed though, thanks to the support and incouragement of Albus Dumbledore. Instead of being a devil maybe I learn what it means to be human. Thanks to the help my new mentor I became a Professor at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry, where I teach Muggle Studies and assist with Defense Against the Dark Arts.

"The Dark Arts are many, varied, ever-changing and eternal. Fighting them is like fighting a many-headed monster, which, each time a neck is severed, sprouts a head even fiercer and cleverer than before. You are fighting that which is unfixed, mutating, indestructible." - Severus Snape

Leadership

2007-04-13T10:01:00.000-05:00

Benny: The Man on the Bus

I`ve been taking a public bus for years. No one ever talked to anyone else. About a year ago, an elderly man got on the bus and said loudly to the driver, "Good morning!"

Most people looked up annoyed. The bus driver just grunted.

The next day, the man got on at the same stop and again said loudly to the driver, "Good morning!"

By the fifth day, the driver greeted the man with his own "Good morning."

The man answered loudly, "My name`s Benny. What`s yours?"

The driver replied, "I`m Ralph."

That was the first time any of us had heard the driver`s name. The next day, Benny extended his "Good morning!" to the whole bus. Within a few days, others were saying it to Ralph when they got on the bus, and Benny`s regular greeting was returned by a whole bunch of "Good morning!" responses. People began to talk to each other. The bus was friendlier.

If a leader is someone who makes something happen, Benny was our leader in friendliness.

A month ago, he didn`t get on the bus anymore. Some of us thought he had died. No one knew what to do. The bus got awful quiet again. So I started to act like Benny and said, "Good morning!" to everyone, and they cheered up again.

I guess now I`m the leader.

The Cult of norris

2007-04-11T16:58:00.000-05:00

In the world where one God reigns, one man has risen above the rest to cement his place in legend as a living man god. Yes, you know of whom I speak. The mere mention of his name drives both fear and hope in your heart, Chuck Norris. We have all read the thirty facts of the man-god Norris. However, separating legend from fact is difficult task for Norris supporters and a few petty squabbles may divide a legion of committed supporters.

Vigilance must play a key role to Norrisites as time moves forward. Spreading false rumors like the one below should be immediately corrected. The purveyor suffering the penalty of a round house kick to the face.

“Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the
speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was
flying over the Pacific Ocean.”

This is easily a false rumor as Chuck Norris never loses control of his almighty Round-House kick and a Round-House kick of that magnitude would echo across the planet immediately warning the populace of Chuck Norris’s displeasure.

Staying vigilant, however, should not prevent the faithful from spreading the word of truth. For we know some facts such as;

“There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.”

When a legend such as;

“Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.”

Is being discussed it must be kept civil with minimal round house kicks used. If neither side can come to an agreement then the best fighters will begin to a series of back and forth round house kicks until one is unable to stand. We must not allow the combatants to kill as that will dwindle down the chosen, displeasing Norris.

AS followers of the righteous path we must be aware of new threats to the great Norris. How long will Norris be able to lay claim as the ultimate power with new supermen like The Hoff and Vin Diesel following the road Norris paved? The tribe of Norris must stay united. Centuries from now will your descendants be attending the First Church of Norris or will the Hoffians and Dieselians join forces to overthrow us creating a society of slow-motion, bald headed people. When the final crusade comes, will you stand firm as a Sidekick or stray to siren voice of David Hasselhoff and the golden shine of a Bald-Head Vin Diesel?

2007-03-17T09:49:00.000-05:00

We do not post much anymore but just thought I would say we are out for St. Patrick's Day!

Harry Potter and Deathly Hallows

2007-02-01T09:36:00.000-06:00

Hell yeah HP fans it is time to celebrate the last and final book is set to be released. The date has just been reported and it is going to be let loose on Saturday, July 21,2007. Will Harry live or die. We are months mere months away from knowing!

Fear the Reaper

2007-01-31T15:48:00.000-06:00

Blue Oyster cult was wrong it’s time to fear the Reaper. This new replacement for the predator drone packs more of a punch then the F-16 fighter jet and the pilot is safe at home scratching his or her balls. The Reaper is scheduled to replace the old fighter jet so NO longer is your Playstation, X-box, or Nintendo a childs toy, it’s a sophisticated military training device. Let’s just hope the military doesn’t also create SkyNet and lead us to Judgment Day. Otherwise it’s more crappy Terminator sequels for all of us!

Is Work That Important

2007-01-24T16:22:00.000-06:00

The same damn question keeps plaguing my marriage over and over again. "Why do you spend more time at work than you do with me." I admit that I do spend more time in work mode then I do in husband mode but I just don't know any other way to be.

These kids have to know that I am the hammer. They need to fear my power, respect my authority, and trust everything that I tell them. At the same time they should feel they can trust me with their problems, fears, and anything they might want to share. Those are my job duties and building up enough rapport for these kids to trust and fear me like that is not something that's easy to do and I can't accomplish it just working eight to five.

At work I communicate in all different kinds of ways like chit chatting, showing emotion, showing interest, providing feedback, stating how I feel, showing appreciation, listening to both sides, being expressive, being meaningful, and being able to evaluate things without jumping to conclusions. So knowing that I can communicate in all these ways, why is it that when I am asked if the jeans look good on her I stand there dumb founded like I don't even know what jeans are? At work, I am never satisfied with an average performance, but at home I usually am and then I fall asleep.

So why do I not put in the same effort in our relationship, the quick and obvious explanation is that I take my wife for granted and know that she is going to always be there when I need her. In fact, that very sense of security is what I treasure most about our marriage. There are some other reasons why I put more time and effort into my work than I do into my marriage. One of those is that I want to be that man: I am competing against lots of other people for jobs, for raises, for respect and my competitive nature drives me to want to be the best out of all the others. Another one is that to me not working equals weakness: the sociologist Warren Farrell has written that men see that career success is a measure of their personal worth and I want to feel that I have accomplished something with my life.

In closing I am sorry that I do not spend enough time at home or put enough effort into our marriage but it is not because I don't love my wife. It is just because I am driven to be something more than I am now.

Ninja Way

2007-01-22T14:00:00.000-06:00

Since I have nothing but time on my hands today thanks to the storm storm that piled 8 inches of snow on the road,. I thought I would study the way of the ninja. The first step of learning the ninja way is to uncover your way of the ninja. Whats your way of the ninja?

Swiki

2007-01-19T08:39:00.000-06:00

I added a Swiki to the blog. Yeah, I never heard of them either, but our friend from Blogs Are For Wusses recommended it and said it would help his Blog out if we used it. A Swiki is basically a search engine. Like the word Wiki and new Web 2.0 applications it is an interactive and a user controlled experience. Knowing we share the same kind of pervs on our sites you can guess what the majority of the searches are going to be about.

We Are Marshall

2007-01-08T13:18:00.000-06:00

We Are Marshall a chick flick for guys. In 1969 Marshall University lost 55 football players, almost the entire coaching staff and several other members of the community bringing the death total to 75 in a fiery plane crash. This movie covers that fateful day, the rebuilding of the program, and the struggle of the survivors. The movie was well written and the acting was suburb. The movie is not so much about football as it is about the lives of the people left behind. You cheer for Marshall, but for the most part you cry with them. In a theater packed with guys it was strange to hear sniffles or the fake cough to covering it up. I will admit a few tears touched my cheeks as I faced a losing battle holding them back. I dare anybody to not let at least a few fall as Ruffin breaks down or Coach Rhett falls apart. If you don’t get a little choked up you have no heart. The movie was stellar and was more an experience then an actually movie screening. I recommend the movie highly, but beware you will tear up and plan accordingly. Your girlfriend may appreciate seeing your sensitive side or she may just laugh at you. In the end you’ll know

We are…. MARSHALL!

The Lego Bible

2006-12-12T09:47:00.000-06:00

Wow, this is totally insane. It’s called the Brick Testament. It’s the bible done in Legos! That’s right the entire Bible told in Lego format. I can’t imagine the time it took, but this insane site is a must see. Here are a couple of images from the site http://www.thebricktestament.com/

The things people do in their spare time. Merry Christmas!

Apocalypto

2006-12-11T11:32:00.000-06:00

"The man who helped bring you "Air America" now breathes new cinematic life into the collapse of the Mayans."

The following contains many spoilers, not that the movie is good enough to spoil.

First off the collapse of the Mayans might have been a cool story; however, this movie has nothing to do with the collapse of the Mayans. Apocalypto takes some tribe I guess they’re Mayan they are all at peace with the forest, yet act like they guys from Animal House. I’m not sure about the historical context, but if accurate this movie documents the first icy hot to balls prank ever. Not to mention the first hazing incident where eating raw wild boar balls is performed. Isn’t it funny how some things never change?

On a side note be prepared to see a lot of male ass in this movie, which you really aren’t that rewarded for. You do get to see some bare breasts, but for every pair of saggy boobs you view you are shown some dude’s wang.

Soon the fraternity is attacked by guys wearing bones the adults are rounded up and enslaved minus a few of women who are raped and killed. Here is the odd thing in this scene, we see all kinds of bloody violent carnage. It’s pretty gruesome, but when they go to rape a few women all of a sudden there is modesty and the warriors take them behind something. It’s not big deal to show a child you got off his dads head, but they need some privacy to gang rape an already nude woman. I’m not complaining of this, hell should have cut more of the violence out. I love violence just as much as the next guy, but damn exercise some restraint. After awhile you’re like fuck just get this over with. During this attack the chief’s son Jaguar Paw lowers his wife and two year old son into a sink hole to keep her safe and then goes back to the fight so that he could get captured. The warrior tribe ties all the enslaved people up and takes off leaving all the kids to fend for themselves, which is pretty damn heartless as you see the kids following their parents.

After a long and journey they arrive at the city with a huge temple. The women are sold and the men are painted blue and let to the temple for sacrifice. Once the get to the top of the temple the Blue Man Group makes an appearance and tries to start a musical number, but before they can the Mayan priest throws them over a slab cuts their hearts out and shows them it before they finally die. (Something I’ve long wanted to do to the Blue Man Group.) Then the executioner whose whole responsibility is to chop people heads off severs them from the bodies and rolls them down the stairs. The peasants then ensnare the heads and toss them into a huge pile of other severed heads where mothers take the blood from the head and smear it on their babies. This is when a couple in the row before me got up and walked out. The guy who saved his wife, Jaguar Paw, is then laid on the black alter and just when the Priest is about to kill him an eclipse occurs. The peasants go ape shit because of a known prophesy which says that an eclipse is precursor to the fall of the “Sun” people. The Priest takes this all in stride and says the Gods are satisfied with all the blood and Jaguar Paw and his fraternity is spared.

The frat tribe are lead down the stairs with a little relief. Where they are then told that they are free and pointed to the forest. Two of them are let go and told to run. They warrior tribe then uses them as target practice. Next Jaguar Paw and some other guy about to die are set free. Jaguar Paw escapes and on his escape ends up killing the head guy’s son, much running and Jaguar Paws ass in a loin cloth is shown for about 30 minutes. Like the fugitive he is soon trapped between the law and waterfall. Like any good innocent convict he chooses to free fall into a few hundred foot drop which leads to rapids. Feeling all bad ass and superior he decides to taunts the warriors. This is not a wise idea because the head guy then makes his warriors jump two. Three of them die but the head dude and a few lackeys survive and once again the chase is on.

End Spoilers.

On the chase it starts to rain so Jaguar Paws wife and son are in danger of drowning. Jaguar Paw is able to kill both Neidermeyer and the Head bad dude on the chase when the two final lackeys end up chasing him to a beach you didn’t know was there. On the ocean are… ships. The two lackeys become spell bound and walk to the white men rowing toward the beach. Jaguar Paw gets up to go rescue his family where and I forgot to mention his wife is pregnant and decides to go thru labor and we are shown her having the baby in this sink hole half full of water. The mom grabs the baby and Jaguar Paw shows up to see is new born son. The mom then throws the baby up to him and he pulls her and his other son out by the new born’s umbilical cord. Not really, but the way this movie was going it would not have surprised me. The end scene shows them heading into the forest.

My conclusion this movie is a total waste of money and time. Not the worst movie I’ve ever seen, but it’s pretty pointless.

Chewable Fun

2006-12-08T09:17:00.000-06:00

Taking your vitamins used to be such a drag I remember a few stern warning that I had better do what I was told or I was going to get my butt beat. After always having to tell me and then punish me because I refused to take my vitamins mom got smart and bought the tasty chewable Flintstone vitamins. I loved those things and would sit down and devour the bottle if left unattended. Well it seems that the Drug Company and parents have gotten smart. With teen pregnancy on the rise and the age people are having sex gets lower each year they have come up with a new way for people to take birth control, chewable constraciptive pills. I am not joking now woman can choose between strawberry, grape, and (excuse the pun) cherry. Soon you should be able to buy Spoog Bob Happy Pants contraceptive chewables.

I was kinda thinking this picture would be perfect on the bottle maybe even a new flaver called Dirty Sanchez. What other new flavors can be added?

2006-12-05T10:49:00.000-06:00

My Favorite Renegade

Here is a little post celebrating the new Harry Potter Trailer. Sirus Black rest in peace my brother.

Journey Thru the Snow.

2006-11-30T08:54:00.000-06:00

It doesn’t snow much here in West Texas, but occasionally the sky opens up on a cold winter day and we are gifted with the frigid delight. Yes, Snow Day is a time of great excitement. I know I get all exited like a little kid and it takes every ounce of will power I have not to roll up that snow into a nice round ball and start pelting coworkers as they attempt to make into the building under duress. It’s a primal need, especially seeing how we may have only one good snow a year possibly every two. I’m sure some of you northerners get tired of the snow and rightly so, you get feet not inches, but here in West Texas it’s a time to celebrate. Schools are closed or delayed, because everyone know Texans can’t drive in the snow. If you live far away it’s a great excuse to skip work. Another great past time when it snows is something I’ve envied of Northerners for years. SNOW ICE CREAM!!!! That’s right the ambrosia of the gods, that wonderful sweet delight that is snow ice cream. Recently I found out most of the people where snow is plentiful have never even heard of snow ice cream. Hell when you mention the very idea you get a look of yeah right which then proceeds to distain and finally they just think you’re a dumb ass. Snow Ice cream is true! People of the North I implore you to embrace your destiny! You cannot make snow ice cream until the second snow, I can only pray for a second snow this year. It has been over three years since my last batch of the ambrosia. God willing this year break that drought will be broken. I urge you northerners to have an open mind and make some for yourselves below is what you need to make this tasty treat.

Large Bowl of pure white snow.
Vanilla
Lots of Sugar
Lots of milk

Keep in mind you need lots of sugar and milk, not a whole lot of vanilla. Mix it too taste. I got the recipe as a kid from my mom who apparently doesn’t use measuring utensils. So play around. I guarantee you, you will love it!

Here is my journey to work this morning as I walked thru the powdery joy.

My House. You can see my footprints I made as I found a pot for a picture.

Empty lot I walk thru every morning covered in snow.

Thought this made a cool picture. Where is the sidewalk?

That's not The Dickens County Tree Hugger aka Bigfoot it's just my size 13s in the snow!

And we say we are the dominant lifeforms on this planet. this pour schmuck is walking his dogs and picking up their steaming pile of poo in the cold wet snow.

Crossing Mainstreet. Yeah, we're a metropolis.

MOre of downtown. Holy shit there is a car! I can't beleive it.

Leftovers

2006-11-29T07:36:00.000-06:00

Big D has been slacking on his usual holidday wallpapers so before Thanksgiving is over I thought I would put up last years Thanksgiving Motivation, Thanks for the leftovers Big D. November is almost over so bring on CHRISTMAS!!

Turkey Day Fun

2006-11-27T11:41:00.000-06:00

I had an awesome Thanksgiving Holiday racked up just under 700 miles on the old Pontiac. We began our trip Wednesday and headed out to my father-in-laws thanksgiving jamboree or as my brother and his wife refers to it “Emmett and Otters Live Jug Band Thanksgiving.” They call it this because most of the their family are musically inclined in the bluegrass arts; this includes the mandolin, fiddles, guitars, harmonicas, banjos, spoons, and a variety of other musical instruments I am unable to identity. This would be my first time celebrating Thanksgiving with them and I was a little worried about it at first, I am not a fan of lots of people so the 150 people that normal show up had my shaking in my booties. What I forgot is that older people can cook and Thanksgiving one of those holidays where they pull out all the stops. There was some really great food there and I spent most of my time eating pecan pie. When everyone’s belly was full it was time to break out the moonshine and start the singing. I must say nothing brings out the Johnny Cash in me quite like some homemade whiskey, and before long I was shaking my leg and getting down. I can’t wait for next year and came back with lots of recipes and will start making my own whisky soon.

2006-11-19T13:42:00.000-06:00

Turkeys

Have a good thanksgiving everyone!

My First Communion

2006-11-14T13:35:00.000-06:00

This will be one of my few posts about organized religion so if this is something you take serious of do not enjoy reading I ask you to leave now. I have never been what you would call a religious type of person, I consider myself to be more of a spiritual type of person and have studied many different types of religions form Buddhism to Scientology. Early one Sunday my in-laws invited me to go to church with them on communion Sunday. I was always told that communion Sunday are for those people that have been baptized and are holy type people so bad little boys like me were not invited to participate. So I thought it would be interesting to sit back and watch this ritual to see what it was all about.

At first I found Church to be a relaxing place everyone is quiet and just sort of sits there, truth be told I was wishing I had brought a book to read because it reminded me of Barnes and Noble. Then the singing started… I am no singer and my wife usually pleads with me to shut up when I am sing with the radio. So for me to be forced to stand up and sing is a bit much to ask for. So as a stand up and stare at everybody I get this look from the father in law, I really can’t describe this look but it spoke volumes and not in a happy good feeling kind of way.

Finally what I had been waiting for happens and the preacher goes into this sermon about bread being the body of Christ and grape juice being the blood of Christ. Next thing I know everyone is being asked to come forward and received the blessings of Christ. That’s right I said EVERYONE, I start to go hysterical and try to leave but I can’t I have my wife and father-in-law staring me down. My body takes over and I start walking down the aisle while everything in my head is screaming RUN, FLEE, DON’T GO, something inside is begging me to leave but I can’t my legs will not work my body is moving on its on. It seems like a tortuous long journey and I am kneeling before the preacher, tears are coming to eyes because I can’t get away. I look up into the preacher eyes and see a kindness and understanding it is something I really can not explain. After taking the bread and grape juice something even stranger occurred and I am still trying to figure it out. A since of calmness almost like forgiveness filled my heart, I am being completely honest when I tell you I have never felt anything like this. I am still trying to figure it out. What was this feeling? What does it mean? I guess only time will tell but in the mean time I am going to continue being me.

A Prayer for the Stressed

2006-10-16T16:42:00.000-05:00

Happy Boss's Day, here is a little prayer I like to recite when I get a little stressed at work.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill today because they got on my nerves.
Also help me to be careful of the toes I step on today as they may be connected to the feet I may have to kiss tomorrow.

Help me always to give 100% at work...
12% on Monday,
23%on Tuesday,
40% on Wednesday,
20% on Thursday, and
5% on Friday.
Help me to remember...
When I'm having a bad day and it seems that people are trying to wind me up, it takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only four to extend my arm and smack someone in the mouth!

Angry Joyce’s Hilarity

2006-10-12T11:00:00.000-05:00

Angry Joyce is well a smart ass. I’m not saying that in a bad or mocking manner more of an honorary title. Angry Joyce started working a the local grocery store a few weeks ago and this morning I stopped in to grab me a few snacks for work. Mmmm cupcakes….. Anyway there was this lady and her son maybe he was like 9 checking out. The little kid was acting like a monkey or something. I don’t know I was in the snack isle. When I heard Angry Joyce say “Hey, Stop acting like you daddy!” This was funny in itself but what the kid said next…. “My daddy doesn’t live with us anymore.” The store went silent. Until the little kid spoke again, “He has a new girlfriend and she is seeeexxxxyyyy.”

Laughing at others misfortune, I knew it was going to be a good day.

Texas Gubernatorial Debate

2006-10-11T20:50:00.000-05:00

I missed the Texas Gubernatorial Debate Friday, but I found on the Dallas morning news site. Here is the link. There is only one debate this year because Gov. Rick Perry is a tool. Which is sad because I'm republican. The candidates include Chris Bell the democratic nominee, current Gov. Rick Perry and two indents Carole Strayhorn and Kinky Freidman. I have no idea whom I going to vote for now. I was leaning toward Kinky because he is a kooky guy, but the Internet is Satan comment took me out of his camp. Kinky you wacky dumbass!Chris Bell sounded OK, but I don't know just another standard politician. Strayhorn sounded like a moron not knowing the president of Mexico and how many slogans does she have? It was like a bad comic with all those one-liners. I'm torn. I don't like Perry he is owned by too many people, Strayhorn changes her mind more then her underwear, Kinky is a loon and Chris bell is a standard Democrat with no real ideas. Texas is fucked for another 4 years!

A Political ad you won't see on TV.

2006-10-11T14:23:00.000-05:00

The director of scary movie David Zucker mad an AD for the GOP but the republicans are being pussies and not showing it . It’s pretty funny too. Check it out.

2006-10-10T08:17:00.000-05:00

Heartless - Bad Doctor

This discribes my mood pretty well, amazing how a German Band and Hentai can do that.

Night in the Woods

2006-10-05T14:02:00.000-05:00

The story begins as most stories do, with a little white lie. It took me hours to find the perfect spot out the pasture and it was a beautiful cubby surrounded by lush mesquite trees and the sweet smell of the cactus blooms gave the little spot a more romantic atmosphere. Phred was supposed to be showing up in about an hour and I was rushed to make sure that everything was perfect. I covered the hard ground with a soft blanket and placed dozens of cottony pillows over the blanket to make our special spot more comfortable and relaxing. The only problem with my plan was that unbeknownst to me Phred would not be showing up, see Phred learned though Big D and Fuzz that there was no hunting trip and that I was just trying to lure him up their alone. Hours went by and Phred did not show up so I began to drink some Natural Light that I had iced down for Phred and me. I was beginning to think that something had happened to him and maybe he did not understand the directions I gave him and got lost. As I began to get up off a particularly soft pillow I heard footsteps coming my way. They were pretty loud footsteps but I merely thought that Phred had gained some weight and he is a bit flat footed so I did not really think much of the loud footsteps. Out of the darkness stepped up a creature that’s chest rivaled that of infamous David Hasselholf, never had I seen a hairier chest. Only on closer observation I noticed two tiny breasts.

Would You Like To Hear The Rest Of The Story?

Friday Topics and Other Shit

2006-09-29T13:32:00.000-05:00

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted so here is a nice post broken up into various topics that are running thru my brain.

Homecoming

This weekend is homecoming in my merry little town of happy people. As a hermit I will be skipping all activities and hiding in my basement. That way no one can find me. There is an annual tradition of Fuzz asking if I want to go to the game with him and me politely declining. I’ve never given a good reason why I always decline and here is the real reason. If I went to the game I would end up standing around looking like a douche. What would happen is; some friends of his would show up to bullshit and because I don’t talk I would end up standing around looking like a douche. or some of the losers I went high school with would come up to chat and because I don’t like them I would stand around listening to their meaningless life stories and when it came to my turn it their would be awkward silence and again I would be standing around like a douche. Sure right now I skip all activities like an ass, but there is a vast difference between an ass and a douche. An ass may be smelly, dirty, and sometimes hairy, but an ass is its own person. A douche is merely a tool that shows up nice, clean, and perfumed, but ends up smelly, dirty, and sometimes hairy. I’m just skipping that first step.

Election Year Begins

I love election year! There is nothing quite like the slandering and mud throwing to get your blood flowing. This year is going to be a good one. We already have Bill leading the way with his supposed breakdown and bitch out. That was a stroke of genius, I must admit. It shows the dems how to handle those situations when you don’t want to you look weak and you know the other side is right in thinking you are. The perfect tactic is too appear strong and like you’re going to kick someone's ass, yet nimbly blaming the opponent. Bravo, Mr. Clinton. Impressive! Then you have Nancy Pelosi calling her main opposition "desperate". Brilliant use of the word, Ms. Pelosi. Also, impressive. Then we have failing celebrities Mel “please love me again” Gibson and Sharon “getting older” Stone saying a few words to get into the headlines and the race is off and running. We must not forget about those wily conservatives. Champions of pushing the issue and nounceing nothing. Just hardcore this is who my opponent is. And who is you’re opponent Mr Bush? "The party of FDR and the party of Harry Truman has become the party of cut and run!" Too true Mr. President those whining cry baby appeasers only want to coddle those fledgling terrorists. I’m sure they weren’t hugged enough as children. The only plan I can see from the left they want to sit down with the enemy and talk about feelings with the possibility of a group hug afterward. Oh this October is going to be fun!!!

Global Warming!

I don’t really understand the whole global warming issue.s Even if humans caused it and the world is going to end like Al Gore says it is in ten years, then what the hell can we do about it anyway. If everyone in America stopped driving SUVs and used "clean" energy would it really make a difference? Probably not, because you have China gearing up atheir energy output with coal, oil and all that nasty stuff that pollutes the air without all the stingy limitations we have here. So the energy will most likely be produced in the cheapest and most economical way making it all “bad”. Capitalism even exist in communism! Hell, I will even agree with the alarmists saying Global Warming is a huge issue, at least to a logical point. However, the global warming leader Al “I invented the Internet” Gore has come up with another root cause of global warming… Cigarettes. Now I hate cigarettes. I personally believe they are poison. Sure we are all going to die, but do we have to pay for it? I’m also sure a bunch of the wacky lefties are going to be like. “See, we should outlaw cigarettes! It’s not only bad for us, but bad for mother earth.” Hell, I’ll even join you if you legalize marijuana. Then we can all just sit around pass joints and watch as global warming reverses. Maybe the Muslims and Jews will celebrate peace with a world wide hug day. That would be sweet!

The Animal Olympics

At first read that sounds just plain stupid, but I had forgot animals have that most noble of sports, Kangaroo Boxing. I hope that kangaroo kicks that Chinese fucker’s ass!

Vision Care

I spent my lunch break calling eye doctors on our vision care plan trying to see if there are any are open on Saturday. Hell no! Now I’m going to have to take off and do it. Not that it’s that big a deal I have plenty of sick time. I’ve only called it once in five and half years, but this year I’ve finally accumulated enough to start getting paid for the days I don’t use. Fucking Optometrists and their fucking banking hours!

Oh well, have a good weekend!

GO TECH kick those Aggies ASS!

Jessica's law

2006-09-19T07:20:00.000-05:00

Today I got an e-mail from David Dewhurst the Lt. Governor of Texas. You may have heard of Jessica’s Law on Bill O’Reilly, well now it’s time we Texans joined in support of this law.

I’m sick and tired of swatching news and seeing children being victimized by these deranged psychos and then getting a few years and time off for good behavior. As a society we should demand more! Jessica's Law will require a minimum of 25 years to life for violent sex offenses against children. On the FIRST offence and the option of the death penalty on the second. Please join me in support for Jessica's Law for Texas. You can click this link to sign the online petition and make your voice heard.

On I side note I think this law should include all victims of sexual attacks not just children. These violent acts not only do extreme harm to children but adult victims as well and it hurts our society at large. People that do these reprehensible acts need to know thier life is going to be taken away. I don’t care if it’s the death penalty or life in prison. Once you commit a heinous crime of rape, you are no longer welcome in society as you are a danger to it.

White And Nerdy

2006-09-18T16:27:00.000-05:00

Damn Weird Al made a song about me.

Women Psychology Chapter 43

2006-09-18T08:13:00.000-05:00

Survivor Cook Islands

2006-09-15T09:43:00.000-05:00

Last night the greatest show ever produced started its 13th season, Survivor: Cook Islands. The Cook Islands are in the South Pacific Ocean, north-east of New Zealand, between French Polynesia and Fiji. There are fifteen major islands, spread over 2.2 million square kilometers of ocean Thought I’d throw in a little geography lesson there. This twist this year has been called controversial, I think its just genius. Not only is this year more diverse, but it’s exploring those diversities by separating all tribes into races. There are four tribes battling it out for that, oh so important immunity. These tribes include Asian, Black, Hispanic, and White.

Asian Tribe: Green Team,
Tribe Name: Puka Puka
Members: Yul, Cowboy, Becky, Brad, Jenney

The Asian Tribe is probably the most interesting tribe and you already have an outcast there. That outcast goes by the name of Cowboy and he is crazy mofo. Cowboy is a Vietnamese refuge and most of his other tribe members are second or third generation Americans. He has a cool laid back mentality and already he is getting on the nerves of his tribe by constantly telling Asian jokes. Cowboy performed possibly one of the most bad ass things ever seen on survivor. When Brad, a teammate, started feeling bad with a headache, Cowboy used some technique and got rid of the “wind” headache. Brad was just as astonished as us at home, but he did joke that his headache was gone and instead had a huge red dot in the middle of his forehead. Another teammate named Yul appears to be a strong survivor, but he might be more worried about stereotypes then winning the million dollars. If he can make peace with Cowboy this will be the strongest tribe as they proved this episode by easily beating the other survivors.

Black Tribe: Yellow Team
Tribe Name: Manihiki
Members: Sekou, Stephanie, Nathan, Rebecca, Sundra

What can I say about the Black team? They just can’t get together as a group. Anyone who steps up as a leader basically looks like the bad guy. As one contestant laughed and said about building a shelter, “Black people just don’t listen.” They all looked at him for a second and laughed. After coming in last on the immunity challege there was no laughing. The tribe sent Sekou paking. Sekou was one of those guys that claim to be able to do everything and in reality do nothing. He constantly took breaks and never backed his word. I agree with the vote. His strength might be missed, his work ethic will not. The strongest person on this team is a nursing student named Stephanie. She is not only the hardest worker on the team if she would step up as a leader this tribe could be tough, but if she rides the radar she will go further in the game. I think this team will fold first, but Stephanie will have the opportunity to be the biggest threat in the game.

Hispanic Tribe: Red Team
Tribe Name: Aitutakai, JP, Ozzy,
Members: Billy, Cecilia, Cristina,

When I see the term Hispanic, I think Mexican. I guess that’s because those are the only Hispanics I know. I don’t think this tribe has a single Mexican on it. They have a Puerto Rican a Columbian and someone from the Dominican Republic but no one from the largest group of legal or illegal immigrants in the US. Where are the Mexicans I ask you? It’s just not the same. This team appears tough and they made a strong case in immunity almost winning, but there is already descension in the ranks and the previews for next episode already has a few memeber wanting to throw an immunity to get rid of a big lazy guy. Unless they pull together this tribe is dead, tribes that throw immunties are always the first to go home.

White Tribe: Blue Team
Tribe Name: Rarotonga
Members: Adam, Candice, Jessica, Jonathon, Parvati

This tribe is the most team oriented tribe. No major squabbles in the first few days, but then again I haven’t seen them do shit either. They came in third place in the immunity because of stupid mistakes, yet still easily beating the last place team. I can’t seem to like this tribe. I want to be like go white people! However, I ended up hating them. Jonathon in my opinion is the biggest dick on the series this year. When Rupert stole supplies on the Pearl Islands it was endearing when this guy stole a chicken from the Asian Tribe he looked like a cunt. I mean the Asian who got the chicken had to dive overboard and climb back in to get it to his tribe. After all that work it was stolen, that’s just a bitch. What happens to the chickens after their stolen? Well the token tattooed “alternative” chick named Jessica accidental lets them go. Bringing us back to Jonathon when pressured if he stole the chicken responded with “Oh did I? It was chaotic I just saw it and grabbed it.” What a douche he bragged about it and the finale and possible most annoying event happened on this tribe. The white team did not build a shelter. They decided to huddle together for warmth, which isn’t a bad thing. However, when some ignorant little soriety hoe giggles “Cuddle Puddle!” It makes me want to punch the TV. I know white people are supposedly lame and shit, but cuddle puddle? You dumb bitch!

Conclusion: So far this year Survivor taught me to come to terms with a 26 year old secret. Thru this season I hope to learn more about my culture. Yes, it turns out… I’m Asian American! I know. I was stunned also. Still the fact remains I’m a 6’5, large, pale colored Asian. IT's going to be a fun season.

Stream your music!

2006-09-14T15:51:00.000-05:00

Check out this new software I found. It allows you to stream that home collection of MP3 and ripped CD on your home machine to any laptop or pc connected on the net! It’s easy as hell to setup and free! All you need is high speed and a public IP address.

First you download the Slim Server. You can download it here. Install this on your home machine. Takes 5 minutes! It automatically finds your music collection and sets up your machine as a server without any help. If you have a firewall make sure port 9000 and 3840 are open. Next find your IP Address. This is done in Windows XP, by clicking start, programs, accessories, and command prompt. In command prompt type IPCONFIG. Write down your IP Address. You will need it later.

On the computer you want to stream on, download SoftSqueeze. You can find it here install it, it’s easy! When you go to set it up you will need the IP Address of your computer. Type it in under SlimServer Hostname and it should connect. Now it shows you are playing nothing, that’s ok we have another step. You have to set up a play list. You can do it from SoftSqueeze or the SlimServer. In my experience it’s easier from the SlimServer. So open your browser, Internet Explorer or Firefox, and in the Address type in http://[your-IP-address]:9000/. Now you have the ability to build your play list. You can search by album name, artist, there are even radio stations. There are all kinds of other features like the ability to download your music instead of simply streaming it. I haven't played with all the features yet, but so far I love it. It's a thing of beautifully at work!

I'm checking out another internet service called last.fm I've seen it several blogs lately. I'll let you know if I find it worthy.

Till next time, ROCK OUT!!!

Animated GIF Fun!

2006-09-14T11:27:00.000-05:00

That's Jenna Bush on the beach changing. No panties for a few brief seconds and some pervert caught it on camera for every red blooded, blue stated American to stare at her nude bush. It’s sad, and reflects the state of our pathetic society. We should stop gawking at celebrities and their nipple slips and crotch shot paparazzi invasions. On a side note, I think it's hilarious. I’m sure it's just another attempt by Republicans to distract us from the real issues. Damn those wily Conservatives!

I have several other editions of this animated gif. As Always feel free to steal.

Demi... What?

Dirty Republican Tricks (Above)

Another GOP Majority?

Weapon of Mass Distraction

Neatly Trimmed Bush

More GOP Propaganda

If you have a better caption. Let's hear it.

UPDATE:

The site that orginated these photos on the web nowthatsfuckedup.com has been taken down! In an effort for this not to happen to me and I'm a chicken, I've uploaded them to photobucket. Information is free even if it's perverse, spread the word my minions!

Update 2

Apperhently that's not Jenna Bush just someone that looks like her. That is, however, that no name persons bush and being the bastard I am, I still think my gifs are funny and I'm not taking them down. In other news that dudes site was taking down because he was a tool not because he posted nudie shots. He traded the military to take gruesome death shots over in Iraqi in exchange for free access to porn sites. Douchebag!

Rainbow Moonlove 3

2006-09-08T10:53:00.000-05:00

I am sorry about not sending out my Thursday Love yesterday but I was busier then them ladies at the Bunny Ranch on two hole Tuesday. This week though I am sending a very special serenade out to my beautiful blue eyed wife. I know she is not a blogger but I could not have made it this week without her. Baby I love and can not wait to melt your face with my angelic voice when you get home to day. As always hugs to the person that knows this song, this time is going to be more difficult… no chorus, but I did leave a clue in the picture.

I can feel, too much is never enough
You're always there to lift me up when these times get rough
I was lost, now I'm found
Ever since you've been around
You're the woman that I want
So yo I'm putting it down

I don't deserve youUnless it's some kind of hidden message
To show me life is precious
Then I guess it's trueBut to tell truth I really never knew till I met you
See I was lost and confused
Twisted and used up
Knew a better life existed but thought that I missed it
My lifestyle's wild, I was living like a wild child
Trapped on a short leash paroled the police files
So yo what's happening now?
I see the sun breaking in through dark clouds
And a vision of you, standing out in a crowd

One last thing if you know someone that needs a little love let me know I will try spreading some. HUGS everyone.

God Speed Steve

2006-09-05T12:53:00.000-05:00

I’m back from my vacation and it's terrible it has to be on such a sad occasion. The death of a hero, a mentor, a man of tremendous passion and unwavering bravery. The Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin passed this weekend. He died doing what he loved. I can’t really add anything to what’s already being said all over the world, but I think we all loved that crazy bastard. I know I did.

God Speed Steve.

Just click above for my tribute wallpaper.

Rainbow Moonlove 2

2006-08-31T11:36:00.000-05:00

I have said it before blogs should not be a place for hate but one for love. So for the second week I am going to send out a little love to a fellow blogger. Only this time instead of sending it to someone full of anger and hate I am going to send it to man, Phred who is going through the loss of a dear friend. So Phred with much love a serenade you with my beautiful angelic voice to ease your pain, I also ask everyone that reads this to please visit Phred and give him a little love. Together we can ease his pain. Once again bonus Hugs for the person that knows this song.

Carry on my wayward son,
For there'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Now don't you cry no more

Masquerading as a man with a reason
My charade is the event of the season
And if I claim to be a wise man, it surely
means that I don't know
On a stormy sea of moving emotion
Tossed about I'm like a ship on the ocean
I set a course for winds of fortune, but
I hear the voices say

Carry on, you will always remember
Carry on, nothing equals the splendor
Now your life's no longer empty
Surely heaven waits for you

I have heard of chin nuts but eye nuts?

2006-08-29T16:39:00.000-05:00

Who can come up with the best caption!!

Rainbow Moonlove

2006-08-24T13:16:00.000-05:00

I am fed up with all this hate and it is time to spread some love. If I want to see hate and anger toward people I will watch the news or read about the Middle East. So Fuzz I am sorry I decline the honor of joining your FOAD and you Kiss My Ass Webring. I respect you and love reading your blog but I can no longer condone the hate. So each week I will serenade a blogger with a heart felt tune of love and inspiration. So call me Rainbow Moonlove because this tune is for you Fuzzy Wuzzy.

When it's love you give - I'll be a man of good faith
Then in love you'll live - I'll make a stand I won't break
I'll be the rock you can build on - Be there when you're old
To have and to hold
When there's love inside - I swear I'll always be strong
Then there's a reason why - I'll prove to you we belong
I'll be the wall that protects you - From the wind and the rain
From the hurt and pain
Let's make it...All for one and all for love
Let the one you hold be the one you want - the one you need
Cuz when it's all for one - it's one for all
When there's someone that should know -Then just let your feelin's show
And make it all for one - and all for love
Let the one you hold be the one you want - the one you need
Cuz when it's all for one - it's one for all
When there's someone that should know -Then just let your feelin's show
When there's someone that ya want -When there's someone that ya need
Let's make it all - all for one - and all for love

Bonus HUGS to the person that knows this song!!

Transgender Inmate

2006-08-24T09:25:00.000-05:00

What the fuck is going on these days? Seriously, what the fuck is going on? The ACLU have prisons running so damn scared of lawsuits that they actually allow transgender inmates to receive psychotherapy, hormone shots, and laser hair removal because they are “transgender”. Now get this it’s a possibility they will now get $20,000 sex-change operations paid by, you guessed it tax payers. Well, that is if a Federal Judge sides with Robert Kosilek a convicted murderer and prison lifer. I guess I should call him Michelle because he legally changed his name to it in 1993, but instead I’ll call him Inmate. I thought Inmate would be happy, he gets all the cock he could ever want; I guess he decided he needed another hole for it. Other special perks Inmate gets are lipstick and women’s panties. Hell the government is paying might as well splurge on Victoria Secret! The inmate’s quotes are priceless:

“The greatest loss is the dying I do inside a little bit every day.”
- I guess that’s worse then the actual dying of his wife Cheryl who he murdered in 1990.

"Just the hormones and the makeup do not get rid of my suffering.”
- Wonder how much your wife suffered when you killed her.

Inmate has tried committing suicide twice. Being the heartless conservative I am and seeing how this is Fuck Off and Die Thursday this murdering freak should Fuck off and Die already!

Me in Heaven?

2006-08-23T14:17:00.000-05:00

A few years ago if you asked me where I was going to end up in the after life it would have been a no brainer. I would be the guy having to bend over while Satan shoved a pineapple up my ass. In the last couple of months things have changed. I have a job helping kids and I am even considering taking a few tentative steps toward going to church. I guess getting older and being married makes one go through a religious awaking or something because lately I have been thinking about it quite a bit. The question that’s most on my mind is how does one talk there way into heaven. Here is what I have come up with so far.

ADULTERY WITH SOMEONES WIFE: I think it’s a good idea to be buried with the ex-lovers picture. I bet if you show the Lord a pair of gigantic boobies he will understand the temptation was irresistible. Some of you might say "Hey, Dan God is a woman." to this I say maybe but I bet she is a lesbian and will still totally understand.

INCEST: Point out that in Genesis, the patriarch Lot has a three-way romp with his daughters and the Bible never says what he did was wrong. I bet that guy is up in Heaven, so why not me?

TAKING THE LORD'S NAME IN VAIN: God is not a name. It clearly says in the bible that humans do not posses the understanding or capabilities to say God’s true name. So saying "God Damn!" technically is not breaking the 7th Commandment.

Killing Someone: I know the bible says thou shall not kill, but believe it or not there is an exception for this in the bible. If you and the victim declare war on each other, you're in the clear! So remember before you pull that trigger to say “This is war, bitch.”

Broken

2006-08-21T13:33:00.000-05:00

I was flipping the TV at lunch and stopped on CMT after hearing this girls voice. I thought it was a very pretty song. I can't think of anything else to post so I figure it might as well be this. And no I don't regular listen to counrty music and yes occationally I do have a heart.

BROKEN (Lindsey Haun)

Note: It's from an upcoming movie called Broken Bridges. It will probably be the first country album I'll have bought in about 5 years. And if the girl looks familiar IMDB shows she has been in lots of shows including Disney's web surfers that previews movies. I think everyone on the Disney channel longs to be a singer.

Morning Incoherencies

2006-08-18T21:00:00.000-05:00

First off I can’t believe “incoherencies” is a word. I thought I made that up, but it’s in spell checker. As you guessed I’m extremely incoherent this morning, more so then usual. Which is pretty bad. I’ve been up 2 ½ hours and still have no idea, what I’m doing out of bed. I’ve washed my face like ten times and yet my eyes still have that crusty sleep stuff forming in the corners. I know I had to have walked to work this morning, yet I don’t remember doing so. However, I do appear to have on all my clothes on and they are not inside out or backwards and my shoes are tied. Maybe I need to be incoherent more often. One other thing I don’t seem to be able to speak this morning. My voice sounds more like a mumble. Kinda like that dude on Fat Albert.

The multitudes are pouring into my office this morning for some reason. The worse part they keep coming back. So I’m curious if my red glazed eyes say “Hey, I’m dying to help you!” or perhaps they say “Yes, come in and tell me your life story.” Because it seems like everyone wants something this morning. Usually when I’m awake no one talks to me until after 10, yet when I can barely decypher what the hell these people are talking about I get assaulted the moment I step into my office. It doesn’t upset me, I’m pretty much indifferent to the world right now. Hell, I’m usually indifferent most of the time. Also, it’s not like my job is that difficult either I can pretty much nod and answer any of their questions on auto pilot. It might help they ask the same questions every few weeks.

Take this mornings round of questions. Someone “accidentally” yanked their keyboard cable out. I stopped asking how the hell you can “accidentally” do this kind of stupid shit several years ago. Forget the fact that most of these people have been working with computers at least ten years. I just politely told them where to stick it. Although, one question was much more difficult “The toner is out on the copier how do I replace it?” I mean I almost had to think on that one. The answer is: follow the instructions on the side of the toner. Ohhh, pretty pictures! Now that I think about it, they might have been trying to get me to do it. Oh well, I can’t read minds. It also seems I’m much more honest in this state, which is strange. I really should not have answered “You annoy me and I am an asshole.” when someone asked why I had taken their e-mail address out of the spam filter. Live and learn right?

This was actually written on Wednesday, I'm just now getting around to post it.

Doing Our Part

2006-08-16T14:30:00.000-05:00

After over a year of research your patriotic friends here at West Texas Rocks have come up with a plan to destroy the Al Qaeda. After observing the terrorists actions and habits we have learned this evil terrorist group has a soft spot for gnomes. That's right the everyday common garden gnome that you see out in your neighbors front lawn. Islam is not only infatuated with these little creatures but it turns out the reason most men have beards is because the gnome is an idol to them almost a Demi-God. It is a secret truth that Muhammad actually worships gnomes! With this shocking discovery it will be possible to inflict mass damage and casualties to the Al Qaeda terrorist network. What better cover for an incendiary bomb then a tiny cuddly gnome? These suicide gnomes may be small but by turning them into robots and hiding stores of explosives under their beard they becoming deadly weapons. Just imagine them walking into a crowed terrorist meeting place and….. BAMMM!!

Garden gnomes are so common they would pass right by them and never notice that there is bomb just waiting to go off. This is truly the ultimate way to destroy Al Quada’s moral supports. Destroying the objects they worship will devastate them and force surrender. We need your help though, we do not have enough gnomes to begin this operation so please donate a gnome today and help kill a terrorist.

I leave you with a poem that will soon be sung throughout the land. I did not make up this poem it is merely sung by me and I admit it is sung badly but proudly.

There was a time when Earth was young,
and evil ruled our homes.
No good could save us from our fate,
until the coming of the Gnomes.
Through invention and curiosity,
through fast speech and faster hands,
orcs, ogres, and even trolls,
were forced to flee the lands.
Gnomes, Gnomes,
the heroes of the past.
Gnomes, Gnomes,
never came in last.
Fighters, clerics, magi, and thieves,
they fought in all ways.
Goblins, gnolls, and kobolds,
were slain over many days.
Gnomes, Gnomes,
the heroes of the past.
Gnomes, Gnomes,
never came in last.
As time went by and good was restored,
the Gnomes finally returned home.
The people never forgot,
the power of the Gnomes.
Gnomes, Gnomes,
the heroes of the past.
Gnomes, Gnomes,
never came in last.

Take a Stand

2006-08-15T10:53:00.000-05:00

I think it is about time tobacco companies and smokers started fighting back. I am tired of towns and even countries (Canada, Ireland) trying to ban smoking. This is not the first time governments have tried to regulate the citizens behavior and each time a government tries it almost always fails. The people eventually rise up and overthrow the fascist norms and I believe this is the time to do so. With everyone’s help we can bring about a change, join me and stop local municipalities from banning smoking and stop government from raising taxes on tobacco. I am tired of government and people making a quick buck by suing tobacco companies. These people are enjoying tobacco for free! I say it's about time they pay for it. Hear is what people have to say about getting to enjoy tobacco for free. Tim enjoys his hacking cough and reduced lung function. "It makes me seem cool," he bragged. "As for all the phlegm, I can out spit any punk in the bar." He should not be so damn cool for free! Lorraine Wilson, 49, sucks in as much passive smoke as she can. "I enjoy the mainstream variety, which is exhaled by smokers. But my husband, Tim "Iron Lung", prefers side stream smoke, which comes directly from lit cigarettes." Lets send these people and Washington a message. I am filing a class action suit in order to penalize millions of secondhand smokers and the government from enjoying my second smoke. I will be asking for 100 BILLION dollars, mandatory cigarette breaks for all employees, and free health care. If people are not going to buy cigarettes they should not be able to enjoy other people’s smoke! It is a known fact that secondhand smoke is the only answer to fixing the ozone layer and stopping the greenhouse effect. The smoke is responsible for creating a new under lining layer in the atmosphere that helps block out radiation and other harmful products brought on by the sun. That friends is an inconvenient truth. Together we can make a difference!

GW Just too Sexy.

2006-08-09T00:02:00.000-05:00

I am extremely excited to bring you West Texas Rocks first every photo shoot! Now I know what your thinking, another bikini clad babe. No, friends I've decide to treat you ladies to this special occasion. I know, I sometimes forget about you women. I appreciate your readership, though. So I've decided to pull off the biggest coup of the year, millennium, hell possibly ever. This politically stud gets his party energized and the opponents all hot and bothered. That's right the once great governor of Texas, the commander in chief, the guy that puts the lic in Republican... GEORGE W BUSH!

I told you. AMAZING! GW has been a friend of WTR since it's inception. A man whose guiding light, firm resolve, and unwavering support has helped WTR reach the 50,000 hit milestone. We appreciate his hard work and friendship.

4 MORE YEARS!!!

Click the image to see GW in his first ever WTR pictorial!

Acknowledgements:

"I voted for the shirt before I voted against it!" - Senator John Kery
"It made me wet." - Senator Nancy Pelosi
"Now you understand the kiss!" - Senator Joe Liberman
"The picture started Global Warming in my Pants!" - Al Gore
"We need to bring our boys home! If by boys you mean GW's balls and by home you mean my mouth!" -John Murtha
"The economy is shrinking if you mean economy as room in my pants!" - Teddy Kennedy
"And you thought I was protesting the war. MEOW!" -Cindy Sheehan

E-Mail: A Simple Thank You.

2006-08-07T08:04:00.000-05:00

Here is something I never do. Forward E-mails. Yet, I think it goes well with the current crop of posts, and I linke the pictures. Plus, it's Monday give me some slack.

********************************

A Simple Thank You

Last week, while traveling to Chicago on business, I noticed a Marine sergeant traveling with a folded flag, but did not put two and two together. After we boarded our flight, I turned to the sergeant, who'd been invited to sit in First Class (across from me), and inquired if he was heading home.
No, he responded.

Heading out I asked?
No. I'm escorting a soldier home.

Going to pick him up?
No. He is with me right now. He was killed in Iraq. I'm taking him home to his family.

The realization of what he had been asked to do hit me like a punch to the gut. It was an honor for him. He told me that, although he didn't know the soldier, he had delivered the news of his passing to the soldier's family and felt as if he knew them after many conversations in so few days. I turned back to him, extended my hand, and said, Thank you. Thank you for doing what you do so my family and I can do what we do.

Upon landing in Chicago the pilot stopped short of the gate and made the following announcement over the intercom.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to note that we have had the honor of having Sergeant Steeley of the United States Marine Corps join us on this flight. He is escorting a fallen comrade back home to his family. I ask that you please remain in your seats when we open the forward door to allow Sergeant Steeley to deplane and receive his fellow soldier. We will then turn off the seat belt sign."

Without a sound, all went as requested. I noticed the sergeant saluting the casket as it was brought off the plane, and his action made me realize that I am proud to be an American.

So here's a public Thank You to our military Men and Women for what you do so we can live the way we do.

Stuart Margel -- Washington, D.C.

Also, here are two very touching photos honored at this years International Picture of the Year.

First PlaceTodd Heisler The Rocky Mountain News

When 2nd Lt. James Cathey's body arrived at the Reno Airport, Marines climbed into the cargo hold of the plane and draped the flag over his casket as passengers watched the family gather on the tarmac.

During the arrival of another Marine's casket last year at Denver International Airport, Major Steve Beck described the scene as so powerful: "See the people in the windows? They sat right there in the plane, watching those Marines. You gotta wonder what's going through their minds, knowing that they're on the plane that brought him home," he said. "They will remember being on that plane for the rest of their lives. They're going to remember bringing that Marine home. And they should."

Second Place

Todd Heisler The Rocky Mountain News

The night before the burial of her husband's body, Katherine Cathey refused to leave the casket, asking to sleep next to his body for the last time. The Marines made a bed for her, tucking in the sheets below the flag. Before she fell asleep, she opened her laptop computer and played songs that reminded her of 'Cat,' and one of the Marines asked if she wanted them to continue standing watch as she slept. "I think it would be kind of nice if you kept doing it," she said. "I think that's what he would have wanted."

********************************

Taking a Stand

2006-08-04T17:00:00.000-05:00

There is a quote by Edmund Burke “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” That is an interesting belief. When you are small parents tell you not to fight, yet stand up for yourself. While schools enforce a policy if you stand up for yourself you are punished with equal force as the person that caused you to fall. These contradictions have caused many to avoid any types of situational confrontations. Not out of fear or lack of conviction, but out of habit. Like all bad habits this must be broken, but it can only be broken thru force of will.

What outraged my sense of, lets call it "righteousness" for lack of a better term? That would be the Westboro Baptist Cult, it disgusts and angers me to know they hide behind a constitutional right of a country they detest and cheer for its demise. Free speech is a cornerstone of our democracy, but we also have the right NOT to listen. That is where the Patriot Guard Riders come in. These honorable men and women have refused to let the insanity of a few tarnish a respectful and sacred ceremony. Why do these men ride?

Why do we do this, you ask?
Why bother to stand out in wind and rain for someone unknown?
Why do we ride through torrents chilled to the bone?
The answer is simple: “Because, Never Again!”

Never again will they return home in shame,
Never again will wearing their uniform cause them pain.
Never again will we forget why they serve.
No, Never Again.

But still I hear you say “Why does it matter to you?”
“They aren’t your friends,
your brothers, your sisters,
your father, your mother.”
War is a sad time for many; it is sad but true.
So, why do you gather in the gap between their families and their foes?
The answer is simple: “Because, Never Again!”

Never again will grieving parents, families and friends alone bear mourning’s toil.
Never again will hard-won freedom of speech be used to debase and destroy.
Never again will their sacrifice be dishonored upon their home soil.
No, Never Again.

Why do we gather, why do we ride?
Why travel this country far and wide?
We remember our grandfathers, fathers, brothers and others yet to come.
We stand proud through tears reflecting their courage and pride.
Because, Never Again.

That’s why we ride.

Written in memory of:
Henry C. Barrows ~ Army, WWI (Great-Uncle)
Cecil A. Bray ~ Army paratrooper, WWII (Father)

In honor of:
Garrett C. Bray ~ Navy, Viet Nam (Brother)
Donald A. Dinsmore ~ Marines & Army (Husband)
and
All Patriot Guard Members

Laurel B. Dinsmore May 8, 2006

So I found myself in that spot yesterday. That spot when you know it’s time to stand up, yet still you hesitate. The spot were you doubt what you’re doing, when you KNOW your 1000% justified. The first thing I did when I found out about the UGs or Uninvited Guests as the Patriot Guard calls them was to spout off. “This is bullshit we should go up there. I’m going up there! Fuck those Douche bags!” After I said this, probably, when I said this I wasn’t going to do anything about it. I was just talking. However, for some stupid reason I kept telling people this, trying perhaps to get them to go. One time after another the people turned it down. You should go up there they would say. "I wish I could, but I have this thing I have to do. " and "Yeah, that’s awesome you should go up there." The more I talked the more I knew I was going to have to do it. Like in most situations the thought of having to actual converse with unknown people quickly turned my stomach. Then added in with anxiety of all social interaction was that possible fear of confrontation, the doubts were practically screaming. I knew at this point I would have to go even if it was alone, fortunately I did not have to do this. There was one person who would go with me and knowing that one person was behind me gave me enough courage to face that anxiety and fear.

So yesterday evening my brother and I went to lend aid to the Patriot Guard Riders and show our respects to the Valez family and their son. However, it was more then showing respect to a fallen soldier. It was showing that we cared for all our troops that had given that last good measure. It was showing respect to a country that I love and all the people that have made sacrifices big and small to it. It was showing compassion to another human being. It was saying, I’m sorry for your loss and I love you for it.

So as I stood holding the flag of the United States of America, I realized what it meant to be a good citizen, a decent human being, and compassionate man. I will forever be indebted to Army Spc. Andrew Velez for that.

Special Guest Post: Defending Freedom

2006-08-04T08:46:00.000-05:00

I was unable to find the church last night, but held my flag at the second location. A guy I work with I'll call him BH that lives in Lubbock was able to drive by and has graciously accepted my pleas for a report. Thanks BH for writing this up for me it is appreciated.

****************************************

This is an eyewitness report at the demonstration of the Westboro Baptist Church at the funeral services of Army specialist Andrew Velez at First Church of the Nazarene in Southwest Lubbock.

I drove by the Church at about 6:15 and there were hundreds of people in support of the Velez family in front of the Church. There was a large group of people holding American flags and they formed two lines along the street where the Velez family drove up to the church. There was no way the family would have to see the protestors. I drove by all the people supporting the family and then across Chicago Avenue, the street across from the Church the protestors were standing. I was really surprised that there were not more of them. There were a couple of adults and then mainly children around Jr. High/High School age. They were holding signs and yelling. Cars were driving by honking and yelling at the protestors and showing their displeasure by telling them that “They were number 1”. There were LPD officers all over the place to keep the peace. It was a pretty crazy site to see in person. It is a shame that there are people in this world that would like to make someone’s funeral miserable for their grieving family much less the celebration of the life of a U.S. soldier.

****************************************

Story and video from the Local News.

West Texas Mourns

2006-08-03T15:44:00.000-05:00

The Valez family in Lubbock lost their second son in Iraq. No family should have to endure the loss of a loved one in war; to lose a second seems cruel. I cannot image the feeing this family is going thru or the sacrifice they now endure. The courage, bravery, and selflessness of the Valez family is to only be commended but to be marveled. No words can express one's sympathy and compassion we all share for their loss. Thank you, Army Spc. Andrew Velez and Army Cpl. Jose A. Velez for being not only great Americans, but citizens and heroes worthy of the highest admiration and the honor.

Read the yahoo story here.

How could a human being make this tragedy any worse? Well, the Westboro Baptist Cult can. These miserable sacks of shit and total waste of human life has decided to protest the funeral. Yes, the God Hates Fags, inbreeded, douche bags have decided to make a statement out of this funeral. I only wish that their parents had believed in abortion so that a clothes hanger could have taken care of them before a poor doctor pulled them from that nasty vagina and spanked there wretched ass. I learned this afternoon that the funeral of this brave man is being held this evening. The family is getting help from another group called the Patriotic Guard. They are a group of 300 to 500 motorcycle riders that come and park in front of these mother fuckers holding flags and using their bikes to drown out the screeching harpies.

Here is the story in the local news.

If I can I will join the Patriotic Guard this evening the staging starts at 5:30 but the service starts around 7 at the First Church of the Nazerene, 6110 Chicago Ave. Lubbock TX. I’m an hour and a half from Lubbock and don’t get off until 5 so I may be cutting close. If you are a blogger in West Texas and you can attend, be sure too. If you can’t I’m sure your hearts will go out for the Valez family and your finger will go up for the cult.

Mental Warfare

2006-08-03T13:07:00.001-05:00

Well it looks like fantasy Football is going to begin pretty soon and this is for all my compition. In the words of the evil Dr. Will "I Hate You ALL!!"

Just a quick update.

2006-08-03T08:41:00.000-05:00

Thought I'd give you just a quick update on my plans for the daily motivation, since it's my fovorite part of this site. Today is the last GI-Joe motivation. Tommarrow will be Voltron and next week I'll start in on Thundercats, then Tansformers, and He-Man. Added to the list are Smurfs, Snorkels, Dungeon and Dragons, and Land of the Lost. If you would like to vote for a saturday morning toon that predates the 80s or one I might have missed. Then let your voice be heard.

Cowboy Spaghetti

2006-08-02T12:25:00.000-05:00

We’re in the kitchen again here at West Texas Rocks. That’s where fat people like to stay. In front of the stove or refrigerator. Seeing as I’m a bachelor I have to do my own cooking, well at least when I’m not sponging of my parents, brothers, or any other place that offers free food. I watch the food network occationally, they teach you cool shit on that show like how to peel garlic the easy way and various other cooking techniques. Considering I have no idea what the hell I’m doing this is a good thing. While watching the food network I came across a recipe for cowboy spaghetti. So let’s go over this recipe and how I followed it. I took the pictures on my Treo 650 so they’re not the best quality, hopefully it doesn’t look disgusting.

note: I decided I didn't like the pictures so I just left the beer one.

Alright it was time to go to the small town grocery store to pick up the ingredients.
• 1 pound spaghetti (easy enough)
• Salt (Sweet this one says HOT salt. Lets try it.)
• 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil (I thought maybe some whore virgin olive oil would spice it up, but I couldn’t find any.)
• 3 slices smoky bacon
• 1 pound ground sirloin (How about just some hamburger meat smart ass!)
• 1 medium onion (I can steal one from my parents garden)
• 3 to 4 cloves garlic
• Ground black pepper (Check it out, pizza pepper flakes!)
• 2 teaspoons hot sauce (How about half a cup of Tabasco and two teaspoons of Louisiana chipotle)
• 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
• 1/2 cup beer (What my beer? I’ll steal one from Dad.)
• 1 can crushed fire roasted tomatoes (Fancy bastard how about some plain crushed tomatoes?)
• 1 can, tomato sauce
• 8 ounces sharp Cheddar (I love Cheese)
• 4 scallions (Sweet, I’ll steal this too from my parents garden.)

What no garlic bread? Are you commies? I’ll grab some cheesy garlic bread. mmmm cheesy toasted garlic bread. I know I’ll add some jalapeños too.

So now we’re set. Let’s see if I can follow directions.

Heat a pot of water to a boil. (Shit, this ain’t no thing.)

Add spaghetti and salt the water. Cook to al dente or with a bite to it. (What the fuck does al dente mean. I bet it means add hot sauce and I have that HOT salt. I’m a fucking genius!)

Heat a deep skillet over medium-high heat. (I got this covered!)

Add extra-virgin olive oil and bacon. Brown and crisp bacon, 5 minutes, remove with a slotted spoon. (Also make sure to umm... taste test the bacon.)

Drain off a little excess fat if necessary. Leave just enough to coat the bottom of the skillet. (mmmmmm fat…)

Add beef and crumble it as it browns, 3 to 4 minutes. (Can you not say hamburger meat?)

Chop onions, garlic and stir into meat (chop and add a few jalapeños too.). Season the meat with salt and pepper, hot sauce and Worcestershire. (Kill me with the directions all ready.)

Add 1/2 cup beer (to belly pour the rest in skillet) and deglaze the pan. (What does deglaze mean? I’ll skip this step.)

Cook 5 to 6 minutes more then stir in tomatoes and tomato sauce.

Add hot spaghetti to meat and sauce and combine.

Adjust seasonings and serve up pasta in shallow bowls. (Time to eat! I know, I’ll call dad he’ll eat anything!)

Grate some cheese over the pasta and sprinkle with scallions. Garnish with crisp bacon. (I was supposed to take the bacon out of the pan? Fuck! Oh well, it’s all going to the same place.)

Even though I didn’t know what al dente meant or how to deglaze a pan it turned out to be CRAZY TASTY! My lips had a nice burn to them after eating this stuff. So make sure you can handle hot foods. This is for fire eaters!

Till next time!

New Record Holder

2006-08-01T10:41:00.000-05:00

For those of you that don’t know. I work at the local ISP. We offer, Dial-Up, DSL, IPTV, Phone, cell service all that communication crap. I am in the “computer” department, which basically means I do anything related to computers or Internet related. One of my job functions is computer repairs. Now, I like keeping records of computers, kind of like the Olympics. My records though are geekier. Records like most virus infections, most spyware, biggest moron, best asshole/bitch, but the most coveted record is “NASTIEST” computer. Now I’ve seen some real winners. The coke stains, the ten years of dust bunnies, and two inch coatings of nicotine, even the occasional roach. Today, I’m disgusted to announce we have a new winner. Yes, the previous amazing nicotine machine I affectionately named "Nicotine Dreams" was replaced. It is quite the sad day for you smokers. I would have thought that machine would have lasted, but alas all things come to an end. Let me give a final send-off to this glorious machine before I crown the new champion.

Farewell Nicotine Dreams

Nicotine Dreams you were a great competitor a true sportsman. You revolutionized your style with hard work, long hours, and dedication. To think of the 2 ½ inch nicotine coating you inner case and cards. Very impressive! I remember vividly having to scrape that nicotine PCI slot to remove the modem. That dingy yellow color that gave me a high after caring you back to the bench. How coworkers complained to management of the nicotine that you permeated throughout the building causing me to set up a workstation in the warehouse to finish repairs. You were a true champion of the highest accord, I salute you. You will always be in my heart, but sadly I must give your crown to a new challenger. I champion who may, like you stand the test time. I introduce… H.P. Roach!

H.P. Roach New Champion

HP Roach I could smell you before I touched you, that nauseating **schmegma-roach-nicotine aroma. How I detested having to touch you. The retches that then proceeded as a your stench suffocated my nostrils. How I nearly threw you and ran to their nearest HASMAT station for decontamination after one of your occupants graciously left the pavilion welcoming me by crawling on my hand. How your sticky coke stained case gently stayed my hand as I prayed it off. It was amazing how you made me run to the restroom to watch my hands till they bleed, just for simply having to simply touch you. The hour memory I'll have of cleaning and scraping the entire roach sewer that is the back panel of your case. The clouds of dead and live roaches with a five year build up of dust that spread to the four corners of the world when I took that high pressure hose and determinately and systematically purified your inner workings only to be left with a 1/3 inch nicotine coating. H.P. Roach you are truly amazing as I thought to pour gasoline on you and throw a match to burn the satanic demon you are. After having to contain the thought I began the repair removing your lighting damaged modem and sadly sending a poor defenseless newbie to its eventual death. May I never have to see you again and hopefully the nightmares of your life will leave me. H.P. Roach I sincerely pray to never see your better!

**Schmegma - Sticky substance formed in the uncircumcised skin of the penis due to poor hygine.

Benificial Beatings

2006-07-31T15:39:00.000-05:00

The most amazing thing has happened to me. Coming back from a trip to the local Dairy Queen my wife and myself were eating large amounts of the tasty treat known as The Blizzard. Oreo happens to be my favorite. Reflecting on this awesome treat my loving wife made a remark about how she should not be eating this. Being the sarcastic person that I am, said your right you should go jog around the block. She did not find the humor in this and began beating me with a large wooden candlestick. Unable to fight back I drifting into unconsciousness and while in this state I had an out of body experience and found myself drifting through the astral planes actually glimpsing portions of the future. It seems that brain freezes combined with near death experiences allow you to ride the higher spheres glimpsing the past and the future. This is what I saw and if you would like me to go back into the astral planes and glimpse something for you please let me know the time period I should travel to.

The West Texas Area will see an explosion in Bigfoot attacks as more and more people from the city moving into the rural paradise the expansion of these small Texas towns will force the elusive murderous creatures into towns and neighborhoods in search of mates and food. Hunting these creatures will prove to be dangerous as the body hair on most hillbillies are identical to that of the Bigfoot. Scientists will look into this phenomenon will discover that these large creatures are actually the missing link and human life actually began in Texas.

After years of inbreeding and dumping their babies in dumpsters Mississippi will have created an evil race of mole people. Unlike most people from this state they will be able to speak and read English with surprising fluency, and their lairs will be littered with books and manuals on waging biological warfare and making crude nuclear weapons. Aided by terrorist organizations they will attempt to poison the Mississippi River.

Not all the visions were bad though, on Christmas holy visions will be seen throughout the land. The visions will come from your bowel movements. Peering into the porcelain toilet people will see that their shit is in the form of certain saints and these shit piles will give guidance. This time period will be full of many miracles and the general feeling towards human compassion will grow. It would also be wise to invest money into candle and air freshener companies for many people will refuse to flush this divine shit.

Motivations – Old School

2006-07-31T09:36:00.000-05:00

I’m going old school maybe not over the hill school. I’m talking about 80’s cartoons. Those cartoon that sent us running home from school or getting up at six in the morning to watch these classics. Shows like He-Man, Thundercats, GI Joe and Transformers. Quality cartoons, not this shit on Saturday morning today. For the next few weeks West Texas Rocks will be reliving the eighties with some of our favorite Saturday morning quotes. We will start the motivating with tclassic quote from Sgt. Slaughter on GI Joe:

“Knowing is Half the Battle”

Updates.

2006-07-28T13:09:00.000-05:00

I've updated the Walls. They're in the sidebar if you missed a day. Also, do you have any stupid quotes from celebrities, politicians? Send them in. I'm running low on stupid quotes. If you have an actual inspirational quote submit it too.

Thanks,

Walk to Work

2006-07-27T10:53:00.000-05:00

Yes, I walk to work, which apparently makes me insane in rural Texas. Every time I go on vacation to large cities I see hundreds of people walking, and I usually do when I’m there. It’s cheaper then a taxi and I like to explore. I found that walking is actually enjoyable. Granted I’m not walking 5 miles, but I don’t really see any need to fire up the Dodge Magnum for a 5 or 6 block road test. So I started walking about 6 months ago. Not being a morning person this allows me to wake up before I’m actually at the office and the walk home gives me a little time to wind down and reflect on the day. Since I started walking I feel calmer and more at ease with not only myself, but those around me. This morning when I was walking to work I saw an old lady walking in the alley picking up old aluminum cans.* I see this old lady found a can in a yard so she went to get it. Well this little puppy dog came up like it wanted to be petted and she slapped at it. Well the little turd hound jumped back to avoid the slap, but I guess he thought the old lady was playing with him so he came again to be petted. Well by this time she had picked up the can and crushed it. She then proceeded to knock the shit out of the puppy with the half full grocery sack of crushed aluminum cans. As you can imagine the dog let out a loud whine and ran further back in the lawn. The old lady came into this happy puppy’s yard and knocked the shit out of him, that’s just not right. It got me thinking maybe I should go into her yard steal her garden gnome and knock the shit out of this crotchety old bitch with a sack full of other lawn gnomes I stole. Here is hoping the puppy grows into a big dog bites your ass causing you to fall down and break a hip, only lassie is not going to be there to save you it’s going to be a rabid ole yellower. How sweet is that? It makes me smile. :)

Thoughts I had while writing this post.

* That sounds like a good project for the elderly, picking up trash. They can use there scooters to drive around picking up roadside trash. It will make them feel like useful member of society. If there taking money from my paycheck this least they can do is make the streets look clean.

Reviewed: One-X – Three Days Grace

2006-07-25T20:50:00.000-05:00

First thoughts Bad fucking ass! Yes, my rock loving friends Three Days Grace is not your average one album and you never hear from them again band. Unlike bands like Adema, Stereomud, and Systematic who came out blaring with there first only to manufacture mainstream radio or “POP” songs in their second , the guys from Three Days Grace keep true to their roots proving this band is here to stay and is going to kick a little ass while it here. I predicted after seeing them perform their catchy single “I Hate Everything About You” in their infancy before radio play this was a band to watch out for. This CD does NOT disappoint. It could possibly be better then the first, but I'm holding off on that opinion, for now. The album is exactly what I'd hope for. After being sadly disappointed by so many bands before it's nice to see a band follow thru. I can't wait to see them perform this in concert. With songs like, Animal and Riot we are going to have some “fan-fuckin-tastic” mosh pits. If you jammed out to “I Hate Everything About You” and “Home” this is required listening for you. Loved Hinder's debut CD you should give this a listen to it's a little harder then Hinder, but several songs are in the same style. If your sitting in your little cubicle at work growing impateint, bored, and just sick of the bullshit, Let's start a RIOT and go here to give the CD a preview or here for the video of the newest single Animals.

The CD is good all the way thru. For those in customer service I almost see Animals and Riot as calling cards. Notable tracks also include Pain, On My Own, Get Out Alive, and It's All Over.

Four and Half Motherfucking Horns!

Also, if you haven't checked out Johnny Wadd's Podcast yet, what the hell are you waiting for?

Stupid Pets

2006-07-25T20:33:00.000-05:00

If I had to have a pet I would prefer a huge ass tiger like in this pic that would rip a mans head off or even a karate chopping champ but NOOOOOOOOOO we have to have a good for nothing dog. I admit it I hate dogs, I just do not see the point. Sure they are cuddly and cute but if you have sex with them its a jailable offense. On top of that you have to take care of them; making sure their feed, cleaning up after them, and making sure they don't shit all over the place. Unfortunately the idea of getting a dog was not put to a vote and I will be stuck with one of those bastards for some time. However, since I have to have one I might as well turn it into something useful so I will be teaching the little bastard to retrieve beer for me. I have even figured out the steps to complete my goal. While it may seem I am playing with him I am actually teaching me to fetch me a cold one. Here is my plan.

TEACH FETCHING: Start with a tennis ball, rewarding him with tasty treats. Praise the ass sniffer lavishly for each retrieval and gradually work up to harder-to-grasp objects.
MOVE ON TO EMPTIES: Teach your new pal to fetch empty bottles with the command, "Fetch me a beer."
SHOW HIM HOW TO OPEN THE FRIDGE: Train the dog to fetch a dishtowel. Then tie the towel to the door handle of the fridge and encourage him to yank the door open. Use the command, "Open the fridge."
COMBINE MOVES: Now all you have to do is place a few beers on the lowest shelf of the refrigerator, then order the ball licker to "Open the fridge and fetch me a beer." The first time he brings you a cold one, shower him with affection and give him an extra huge reward.

CROSSROADS

2006-07-21T11:02:00.000-05:00

BIG D

Dust swirled around as the once two inseparable brothers faced each other. Big D had enough he was tired of his brothers’ arrogance and frivolity. He knew that the wise old Sage was wrong, what a fool he had been to help Crazy Dan find the lost Armor of the Metal Gods. In the end he had given in to the Brainkin and lost his way. He grew up with the slimy cocksucker and knew all along that this could not be the man to unite the clans, the clan’s need someone stronger they needed him for no woman could control his ambitions. The sages would not listen to him though no matter how great his magical prowess had become no would recognize his greatness, he would never be the manipulator that his brother was. So he secluded himself and studied what most people were to afraid of, the dark arts. The dark arts is a path few tread but he knew he would need it to defeat Crazy Dan and that magnificent Armor. With the defeat of Crazy Dan his destiny would begin and he could bring back the clans that had been scattered to the 4 corners of West Texas and united they could purge the land of impurity. With marriage of Crazy Dan to the Brainkin it was the perfect time to show his strength the destiny that he so longed for was in his grasp for this is the end of Crazy Dan.

CRAZYDAN

West Texas Rocks now Nationally!

2006-07-19T16:43:00.000-05:00

It looks like West Texas has finally made it! That’s right the area I live in has finally hade the national news we are on Fox News, CNN, and now the Drudge Report. What is so special about West Texas who ask? Well it’s this little guy.

This freaky little bastard is 20lbs and has baby teeth. The lake it was caught it if you can call it a Lake is Buffalo Springs Lake. Something you may not hear on the National News is Lubbock used to dumb sewage in it. Don’t worry that was before they “sanitized” it. Yeah right. Anyway as you can see the nasty west Texas sewage has evolved this fish so that it can eat the excrement. Besides chomping down on turds it likes slow swims in urine and teasing old farmers by throwing hooks.

You can see a video over at CNN. Personally I think the thing talking in the video is way freakier then the fish. At first I thought it was a man and so does the reporter, but then I listened to and I think it’s a woman now. Whatever the “fisherperson” is they’re a hillbilly. Thanks for making West Texas look like a bunch of inbred, retarded, looking fucks.

Shat Contest

2006-07-19T08:52:00.000-05:00

So Fuzz over at Blugstuff came over the other day and gave me a Shatman statue. Apparently he got some request to review a game site were all the characters were shit. Seriously they are turds. This would disgust most people, but the guy must have got lucky and picked the right man as Fuzz loves fart humor in every conceivable way. It’s like he's still four. If you ever decide to ride with Fuzz in a car you might as well roll down the windows because he is going to let a few lose. I once made the mistake of grabbing some fast food at Wienerschnitzel, a fast food chilidog place, with Fuzz. When we made the hour an half ride home after a number 5 which is a chili cheese burger, chili cheese fries, and a chili cheese dog I think Fuzz created his own turd action figures in his pants. It certainly smelled that way and never and I mean NEVER let him eat liver and onions if he is riding with you. That’s the smell and possibly the skid of death right there. Anyway he said he had gotten three of these statues and was going to have a contest and give one away to the best “Shat Talker” and wanted me to help judge. His initial topics were like your job and boss, but after some discussion we decided that it should be made difficult to truly bring out the best. So the topics are:

1. Ice Cream
2. Baby Kitties (my idea)
3. Masturbation

I love the “Baby Kitties” topic I mean come on its baby kitties. It was going to be puppies, but to me baby kitties sound better. I’m really looking forward to hearing some shit talk about Baby Kitties. There are going to be three judges each with different mind sets. I can tell you what I’m looking for, but the other judges may be different.

• Creativity – The topics almost guarantee this but be original and make sure you read the comments ahead of you. If it sounds like someone before you already used this idea don’t use it. I will deduct points.
• In Your Face – It needs to scream FUCK BABY KITTIES!
• Quality – There are three topics. If you kick ass on one topic but blow the others. You can’t be named the best. You don’t have to have the longest post just get you point across.

Good Luck the winner gets this:

Go to Blugstuff and TALK SHIT!

2006-07-18T23:45:00.000-05:00

He-Man Gets High! Old School Afternoon

Am I a you tube whore, yes I am. But listening to heman and liono talk about skanks and getting fucked up is just to funny to pass up.

Happy Hoffday!

2006-07-18T10:50:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was The Hoff’s Birthday. I didn’t have time to post it, so we will celebrate his birthday today. I am bringing back the 30 facts about the Hoff!

1.David Hasselhoff has slept with your mother and could be your father.

2.David Hasselhoff slept with every lifeguard on Baywatch.

3.David Hasselhoff slept with every lifeguard that worked for your town's pool.

4.There are many dying children out there whose last wish is to meet David Hasselhoff.

5.David Hasselhoff really invented Spandex.

6.David Hasselhoff invented condoms.

7.David Hasselhoff single handedly tore down the Berlin wall.

8.David Hasselhoff mother was a Banshee from Ireland.

9.David Hasselhoff can drink you under the table.

10.David Hasselhoff actually created German Death Metal.

11.David Hasselhoff was kicked out off NASCAR for being to bad ass.

12.David Hasselhoff can get you pregnant by just looking at you.

13.David Hasselhoff can travel back in time.

14.David Hasselhoff is the true "King" of Rock-N-Roll.

15.They based "The Terminator" off David Hasselhoff.

16.Merely touching a David Hasselhoff CD can get you laid by German supermodels.

17.David Hasselhoff voice is considered an aphrodisiac.

18.In Germany instead of history they teach about David Hasselhoff.

19.David Hasselhoff invented Hip Hop.

20.David Hasselhoff started the East Coast, West Coast war.

21.David Hasselhoff is a legend in the underground rap community.

22.David Hasselhoff would have kicked Hitlers ass.

23.David Hasselhoff is Odin's youngest son.

24.David Hasselhoff is not of any one nationality, but belongs to the world.

25.David Hasselhoff was kicked off the Kings of Comedy Tour for being too black.

26.David Hasselhoff was kicked off the Blue Collar Comedy Tour for being too redneck.

27.Harry Potter is really about David Hasselhoff life at school.

28.David Hasselhoff chest hair is actually magical.

29.David Hasselhoff will single handedly bring about world peace.

30. Ladies can’t resist jumping in the Hoff’s car!

2006-07-15T16:45:00.000-05:00

Naruto - The Movie - Tenacious D - Karate

Two of my favortie things

Naruto and Tenacios D. Don't fuck with me or I'll pull out you pubic hair

2006-07-12T22:17:00.000-05:00

AMV - Ah My Goddess - Tonic - If You Could Only See

This song has been on Rockstar: Supernova the last two nights. I do not think I would classify it as a rocking song but it is a good one none the less.

Futbol rocks!

2006-07-11T16:18:00.000-05:00

That’s right Football, Futbol, Soccer whatever you want to call it, fucking rocks. I’ve never watched this sport before it’s just not big in the West Texas area. Growing up there was baseball, basketball, and American Football. It seems soccer has a bad rap not only here, but in the states. Some say it’s boring because no one scores. I say fuck that. How many real scores are in football? We just count them as 6, because American math has to be different then everyone else’s.

A few weeks ago I was just flipping thru the stations and caught a game of the world cup, USA vs. Italy, two hours later I was ready for the next match. Sure the USA team blew, but I still enjoyed it. I don’t know all the rules, hell I don’t know any of them, but I do know athleticism and soccer is full of athletes. It’s not just running back and forth there seems to a lot of strategery in soccer. It also has less breaks and stoppage of play then NBA or NFL, which sometimes can be a pain in the ass with 500 commercials in the last 2 minutes of play. Like every sport there are some pussies that take dives, or fake injuries, but there are also those with guts that do whatever needs to be done to play.

Who would have thought that I would ever root for France on anything? Not me. I always thought they were a bunch of crybaby pussies, but one player on their team was badass, maybe it was because he is really Algerian. I don’t know, all I know is because of this guy I was cheering for them to win the cup. The only person I can compare him to would be like Michael Jordan in his glory. I always thought Jordan was mainly hype though and what I saw of Zidane there was no hype at 34 or 36 this guy was still offering schooling to his peers, while MJ at this time was either batting in the minor league or being a publicity stunt for the hapless Washington Wizards. Instead of being a pussy and diving when ever he got the chance, or in MJ case sticking his tongue out and crying foul, he gave up the ball making big assists. By controlling the ball and the tempo of the game Zidane virtually carried the French team on his back making big shoots when needed Zidane was always there and on target. Even an uninformed novice like myself could tell his talent and skill far surpassed anyone on the field. The Frenchman’s icy stare and concentration won my respect and possible a love of a new sport.

Unlike a lot of people bitching about that last head butt, I applaud it. It shows competitiveness that is lacking in a most of these high priced candy assed athletes that are only out there for media coverage and endorsement deals. Here was a guy that took his sport seriously and was truly the best at it.

Now the World Cup is over, where do I go to catch more of this sport? Is the MLS just a bunch of pussies compared to other leagues and how do you catch games from these other leagues?

Moving On

2006-07-11T16:01:00.000-05:00

Nick may be a boy band singing pre-teen girls wet dream but after torturously watching a few episodes of newlyweds I came to respect him as a man. I would welcome a beer with him any time, yes I might even allow him to cry on my shoulder if enough supermodels were around. Jessica did him wrong but she is also one of the most annoying bitches on the planet. So my advice to Nick is to look for something younger with bigger tits... I hear Lindsey Lohan is available.

Prevent (or Cause) Nick Lachey's Suicide at LiquidGeneration!

Champion - Michaelm

2006-07-06T08:45:00.000-05:00

As the first Yo Momma Champion here at West Texas Rocks, I’ve been given the opportunity to write something.
Judging from the layout, I knew it couldn’t be a memoir type of piece or anything sweet and sappy.
It had to be a rant of sorts; something that really cheeses me off and frosts my stones. Politics? Nah.
The War in Iraq? Nope, not that either.
The Dixie Chicks? Puh-leese.
How about elderly drivers? Ah, yes, now there’s something I can truly get behind. Actually, I get stuck behind them all the time.
You know the kind; they have heads that can barely reach above the steering wheel, purple and silver hair, ungodly hats and really thick corrective lenses.
They’re the ones taking that perpetual left turn as evidenced by the blinker that’s been on for the past 10 miles (while they’re driving a mind boggling 20MPH).
The tick, tick, tick never makes it to the Beltones wedged in their ears (which are more often than not as bad as their eyesight).
I once saw an old man back up into a fire hydrant, pull away and tear off a piece of bumper that went clanging to the ground; never even looked back. And we’re letting this guy drive?
I’ve thought for many years that there should be legislation drawn up that would at least test these people on a yearly basis after the age of 70.
If you’re a crusty old fart doing 25MPH on an Interstate, I got news for ya—the speed limit is 55-65 (depending on what state you live in) and you’re pissing a lot of people off. Some of us even have guns.
These antediluvian drivers run red lights, make their own lanes, drive over curbs and basically menace the general public. I’ve decided there needs to be a road test developed that will ensure the safety of all humankind.

Here are a few tasks they must do:

Complete one successful 3-point turn. (the 23-point beauty they pulled yesterday in the Wal-Mart parking lot just won’t cut the mustard)
Stop on a manhole cover (because a dime is obviously out of the question)
Take the vehicle through several fast-food drive thru’s without ripping the side mirrors off or causing major structural damage to the building or the car.
Drive a 30 mile stretch of desolate road at a steady 40 mph…backwards. (Instructor will video from another vehicle)
Adjust the rear view mirror without changing more than 3 lanes or losing total control of the car.
Distinguish the difference between red, yellow and green. (5,000 word essay)
Learn how to turn the directionals off without causing a 30-car pileup.

If all the tasks are completed successfully, they receive a small henna tattoo on their forehead that reads: "passed" (tattoo fades after one year)
If they fail anything at all, the vehicle is impounded immediately but they receive a new pair of Reebok’s so they can start walking home.
If in stock, they also receive a t-shirt that reads: GLAD TO BE A PEDESTRIAN.
I know, it sounds terribly harsh but don’t you feel safer already?
Footnote: Though I’ve tried to be somewhat comical, I speak from experience.I took away my father’s license after he nearly killed someone. Several years ago he got confused and was driving on the wrong side of a state highway.
Truth…

Best Man Toast

2006-07-03T10:44:00.000-05:00

The wedding is finished and everything seemed for the most part to go smoothly for them so Crazy Dan is now a married man. I gave the toast and of course my public speaking sucks, I’m sure I botched the hell out of it. Here was what I was supposed to say CD and congrats.

Everyone – if I could get your attention. I'd like to say a few words.

Before beginning, I'd like to offer my sincerest gratitude to Brianna and Daniel for allowing me to be part of this special occasion. I also, would like to say thank you to (breezy parents) and (breezy other parents) for all that you've done to make this THE special day that it is. And, of course, my gratitude to Charles and Trudy McArthur for all of your support and all that you've done to make this, by all accounts, the perfect evening.

For those of you I’ve yet to meet my name is Donald and I have the MIS-fortune to be Daniel's twin brother, [PAUSE] but I have the great fortune to be his best man. Believe it or not, I am the little brother. The youngest of four boys, I'm also the most gullible and for those of you who know Daniel, well you can now imagine the misfortune. When Daniel first told me he and Breezy were getting married my immediate thought was “Great now he has an accomplice!”

Not too long ago I had a conversation with Daniel and I asked him how he knew she was the right one, and if he was really sure he wanted to get married. He just looked me in the eyes and said “You know, most people have to close their eyes to dream, but with Breezy I only have to open them.” I remembering wondering what hallmark card he read that from. [PAUSE look at Dan] I'm sorry man, it seems just a little too deep for you. But, I've known Dan forever and this is one time I knew he was telling the truth and what was really in his heart.

[Look at Dan] So to my twin brother, I love you, man. You picked a great woman.

[Look at Breezy] Brianna, you look gorgeous tonight Dan is a very lucky man. Thru your influences I've notice Daniel slowly change into a man. Let me be the first to welcome another sister to the family.

Daniel, Brianna. All one has to do is look at you two together to know your future will be a long one. So to you both, an evening of perfection, a night of bliss, a lifetime of blessings. May your home always be too small to hold those who love you.

[Raise glass] Cheers

Final Countdown

2006-06-26T09:33:00.000-05:00

The final countdown to Crazy Dan’s wedding has begun.

The bachelor party is done. The official story is Crazy Dan got together with some friends sat around in a hotel room drinking bottled water, playing monopoly and talking about our feelings. Any statements other then the official accounting are complete rumor and conjecture. There were absolutely no goats, midgets, hooters, beavers or whipping devices at said party. Anyone spreading this mean spirited rhetoric obviously has mental problems.

Hope you enjoy this week motivations.

Rachael Ray ain’t got shit on me.

2006-06-19T11:17:00.000-05:00

That saucy Food Network star Rachael Ray ain’t got anything on me, which is sad because I can see where that would be fun. 30 minute meals? I got the beat. Try my Texas Patty Melt. Fat people, especially will love this. You skinny people might not be able to handle it.

What you need:

Hamburger Meat
Bacon
A jalapeño
Onions
Mushrooms
Chunks of cheddar cheese
Pepperidge Farm 5 cheese Texas Toast Garlic Bread. – Found in the frozen Food Section
Pantera CD

Prep it:
Throw on a little Pantera “Walk” if you have it. You’re going to eat a Texas sandwich so be sure to listen to a Texas Band. Drowning Pool also works. Also make sure you sing along, my brother Fuzz taught food is better if you sing to it. Oh and wash your fucking hands. Alright, so your hands are clean, the tunes are blaring; it’s time to cook.

Cook it:
Put a little oil in a skillet; turn your burner to medium heat. While that’s getting hot cut up your mushrooms and onions. I like lots of onions and mushrooms. You don’t have to make’em look pretty this is a hearty sandwich. Throw your mushrooms and onions into the skillet. Cut up your jalapeño into small pieces and throw it on a paper plate. You can use I bowl if you like. I’m not doing your dishes. I’ve heard wives do stuff like this, but that may just be a nasty rumor to trick single guys. Throw your cheddar chucks and meat where your jalapeños are. Mix all that shit together with your hands. You did wash your hands didn’t you? Don’t be a nasty fuck, wash your hands! Make yourself a patty. Get crazy on the patty size if you like. Grab some of that bacon and toss it into the microwave, cook until it’s crispy. Slap that patty down in the skillet with the mushrooms and onions. Get out a couple of pieces of that Texas Toast and pop into the toaster. I like my vegetables well done and my meat medium-rare to rare. So cook it to your taste. Keep in mind that if you cook over over medium into well done or medium-well you're burning the shit out of it. This is a Texas sandwich and Texans don't burn their meat. If it's not pink in the middle you're a pansy. I'm sorry I didn't make the rules. Slap all that into a sandwich; you should be able to make a sandwich without instructions. If you’re slow, the meat, onions, and mushrooms go between the bread. Also note the cheese side should be in, pointing towards the meat not your dirty hands.

Eat it:
CRAZY TASTY, and remember.
You can't be something you're not.
Be yourself, by yourself, stay away from me.
A lesson learned in life, known from the dawn of time
Respect, walk.

Just in case you don't know who Rachael Ray is. Here is a wallpaper.

Proving A Point

2006-06-15T15:09:00.000-05:00

Even though no one likes living in an institution I am going to voluntarily commit myself to the sacred institution of marriage. Reading the news I came across this little story and it made me think, "Just how far am I willing to go." It also helped understand some advice I keep getting from the men that have been married for a while and it took this story for it to really sink in. Now I know that, "yes dear," is the answer to most arguments. So from now on when I get into an argument with Mrs. Crazy I am not going to try and prove a point I am simply going to agree.

A marriage-minded man ran naked through his neighborhood, trying to show his hesitant girlfriend that taking risks is important. He got more than he bargained for when he ended up being chased and shot at. "Just when you thought you had heard everything," Ann Arbor police Detective Sgt. Jim Stephenson told The Ann Arbor News. The couple was discussing marriage early Wednesday when the woman said she wasn't sure if she was ready, according to Ann Arbor police reports. The man responded that taking risks is an important part of life and, to prove his point, jumped out of a first-floor window and ran naked across the street. Before he could return, he spotted a couple walking and hid in some bushes to avoid them. A 28-year-old man noticed the bushes rustling and bare feet underneath, then drew a .40-caliber handgun and ordered the naked man out, police said. The naked suitor ran away, but the armed man gave chase and threatened to shoot, police said. The gunman fired a shot and the naked man fell to the ground, suffering minor injuries. A resident called police, who arrested the gunman on charges of aggravated assault and carrying a concealed weapon. He was taken to the Washtenaw County jail but released following further investigation, police Sgt. Patrick Hughes told The Associated Press. The naked man was not arrested and didn't want to pursue charges, Hughes said.

Respect The Momma!!

2006-06-14T08:21:00.000-05:00

Don't forget that the Momma insult contest is still going on and the most original and best put down wins. Its Wednesday so the compition is coming to a close so lets get dirty people.