At camp the team wass all tired and extremely hungry. Phred offered me some granola bars, and I wolfed those down. But like Chinese food it's just not filling. I'm a large guy, thus the nickname Big D, and I need lots of sustenance. That's when Fuzz brought out the sandwiches Angry Joyce made for us. Thanks goes out to Angry Joyce for getting up so early and making those mighty tasty sandwiches. I grabbed mine and noticed the weary looks, but bit into anyway. This was little taste of heaven. I'm not sure what it was exactly, but it was real juicy when you bit into, it just burst all over loading your taste buds with goodness. The best part though was the way it slid down you throat, almost like an oyster. Everyone else was being a bunch of pussies about them, but that just meant more for me. After I had my fill we stayed up drinking and trying to come up with a little strategery for the next day.
When we woke I had me a couple more of those tasty sandwiches, washing it down with a little Jack, as fuzz poured over the night's plan. This time we would be rearranged with me and Fuzz going undercover with the goats, Phred and Dan guarding the canyon and Cleveland on sniper duties. It didn't seem like we had to wait long, but I could tell Angry Joyce's sandwiches were starting to wear off as my belly began to grumble. That's when Fuzz spotted two chupas. Now, I know he said not to kill them, but there were two! So I figured, if I was careful not to ruin any meat when I killed it, Fuzz would be forced to BBQ it. I motioned for Fuzz to follow the smaller one. The one I was after was big, fat, and slow. In other words ripe for killin'! I used the last half of an emergency Angry Joyce sandwich to lure the creature in killin' distance just as he bent down to munch on the tasty sandwich I sliced down with Anduril cutting the head cleanly off!
Victorious the team marched back to camp discussing Chupa recipes and our new found glory. When we got back to camp Cleveland ran to his bag grabbing his insane chicken hot sauce, while CD and I gathered some wood and Phred and Fuzz started the fire. As often happens when CD and I are sent off on a work task together we end up messing it up. It started off with Crazy Dan grabbing a dead mesquite branch and trying to knock my feet out from under me, by clipping the back of my kness with the huge branch and like usual it ended up with him running away. Only this time he ran smack into Bigfoot. Crazy Dan looked up and smiled never hesitating he swung that mesquite tree branch up between Bigfoot's legs. The Bigfoot let out a massive howl and Crazy Dan came running back, smiling happily about how the Big Foot was thorny. Yeah, I thought it was rater corny too. That's when about three of its brothers came out of the mesquite.
The fight was on. Crazy Dan was just about out of bullets when Cleveland showed up. He ended up saving Crazy Dan when he had to reload. I could see them fighting off several bigfoots, but I didn't witness much of this fight as another Bigfoot proceeded to kick my ass. I remember looking up from the ground and seeing some green lights. Then I embraced the cold empty dark.
A Team Kidnapped
As I lay bloodied and unconscious a vision came. From the black emptiness a slow white fog begin to roll. A hand reached down as a deep voice said "Here take it." I looked up and it was none other then THE HOFF! "Big D" he said, "you've fought bravely and have always been a true follower." Am I dead I asked The Hoff. Then another voice came from behind me. "No, Big D, your just unconscious." I spun around and another legendary figure stood before me. THE NORRIS. What, how? I stutter. "It doesn't matter" replied the Hoff and The Norris continued "We don't have a lot of time. These aliens are NOT your friends. Today you begin down a path that you were destined for and your choices no matter how small can determine the fate of the universe." I understand I say. "No, you don't." They replied together, there voices slowly fading away. "but you will, Just remember: What would the Hoff/Norris do....."
"Big D get up, GET UP!" I opened my eyes and everything was hazy. I see Cleveland over me, pointing. "Phred is keeping the aliens at bay, but I don't know for how long!" he franticly yells. I start to remember about a the bright light just before the black. "Right, I say I'll help him. Is Crazy Dan awake?" Not yet, he replied. "Well get him awake, I'll join Phred in the fight!" Anduril was still in my hand and I rush to help fearless Phred. I see the aliens start to surround him. If I rush in with Anduril I could stab Phred.
What would the Hoff do I ask myself. He would dive head first into these sharks! So that is exactly what I did. I starting running and leaped, spearing into the alien bastards. I ended up taking three out giving Phred room to fight with the axe he must have taken from me as I lay unconscious. That's when Crazy Dan and Cleveland joined in. Cleveland was brandishing his long machete and Crazy Dan wielding Glamdring, now the fight could begin. Phred was already limping, from an injury he had sustained while fending of the hostiles.
The aliens continued to flow out of doors filling the room. "How did you stay conscientious Phred?" Crazy Dan Asked. What we later peiced together was when alien beam you aboard their ships they are apply a mild anesthesia to humans. What they didn't count on was the lingering smell of Scent-O-Doe on Phred. It confused there sensors and when they beamed us aboard, they thought they'd captured a deer by mistake. Some laughed later and joked about Phred being anally probed by a buck and aliens, but I was there. He was defending his comrades and brothers and his Scent-0-Doe ended up saving us from that fate.
The team formed a circle, finally bonding and coming together as a team, united in kicking a little Alien ass. The aliens looked much like us; they wore a blue space type suite with collar. They were pale but had sunburned red necks. The aliens were hesitant to approach the team now, when a huge door opened and smoke billowed out into the room. Crazy Dan sniffed I know that smell, that's the smell of a Bob Marley concert; you think he's alive like Elvis? The answer was giving to us shortly as Fuzz appeared holding a bud light and leaning against one of this aliens. He was pretty trashed and started talking nonsense about this was his real dad. That must have been some pretty powerful smoke. The alien smiled and I knew what was up.
Crazy Dan was the first to speak to this head alien. "I'm going to kill you!" he boldly stated. What would the Norris do? I thought. "Very well, you've won this round." I say as I nod to Crazy Dan. He sensed my thoughts and sent a throwing knife spinning thru the air. It sunk into the head of the biggest alien by Fuzz, as the alien crashed to the ground. I replied we will be taking my brother back, though. Cleveland and Phred were quick on the up take and slashed thru to get to Fuzz. "Very well, It's not over Earthling." he responds as Cleveland lunges for him, but it's to late we are standing near our truck stone cold sober looking up at huge Winnabago flying away. "I"M DRIVING" slurs Fuzz as we had off into the sunrise, wondering what's next.