Saturday, July 30, 2005

Sandals Of Peace: Part 1

I am happy to announce that I have located the sandals of peace but have yet to attain them. The sandals of peace will bring an inner peace and sense of readiness that I must have to continue my journey. Without the calmness of the body and soul there is no way that one can withstand the fires that await.
My journey for the sandals brought me to a place most men desire to be above all things else. The sandals are being guarded by that oldest profession that has lain hidden threw out the ages. Although such business's appear perfectly harmless there is much peril when going to these establishments as the drink and moral depravity makes most men lose their sanity and think only of wanting the simple pleasure in life. The temptress's guarding the sandals have done so for a millennium and are skilled at making most abandon their search and only think of their carnal desires.
My first attempt at retrieving the sandals I must say was a disaster I was plagued by comrades boating that the only way to beat these dark creatures and capture the sandals was to out drink them and prove that we could take as many dances as they could give. It was a cruel fate that awaited me that night for the creatures appeared to have a limitless tolerance for the drinks of man. My comrades and I were forced to leave penniless and it seemed a great illness overcame us for after leaving my stomach was empted on several occasions and that certain part of body had turned a strange color of blue and I vowed never to do that again. I must reach this goal on my own for it seems that when together these vile creatures feed off of us easier. Alone is the only way that I can reach the sandals but how can I hope to tame the three serpents without help, it seems quite impossible. So I am reaching out there to a small but intelligent group of web browsers for suggestions on how to defeat the three eager whores.

Friday, July 29, 2005

Late Night Post

I just redesisned the blog for :P fuzzbox go check it out.

Lots of news!

I'm siked today, because the new design looks brilliant. Shit, there it goes again. I've been reading way too many British books, watching too much BBC, and I'm starting to talk like Gordon Ramsay. At first it was just a few words that started adding to my vocabulary, like brilliant from that Guinness commercial. Then others started seeping into my brain and started saying "Spot on" and signing my e-mail as cheers. I don't know what's going to happen now, maybe I'll stop brushing. As long as I don't start blowing up buses I should be ok, let's get on with the rest of the post.

Celebrity Crap / Strange News:
Here is something I think is brilliant. Fuck! Anyway, I work in the IT industry and nothing is more annoying when a customer brings in their computer and it's loaded with Spyware and the internet browser has about 15 toolbars on it. The dark lords whom my allegiance belongs too have agreed with me and IE7 will kill all third party toolbars. No more Google or yahoo toolbars! Sure some morons like these tools, overall they are highly annoying and just used to spy on you and see where you traveling on the net. Some programs try to install this toolbars on your machine slyly, like Adobe Acrobat. Sure you can always use Firefox, it is a good browser the tabs come in handy. For you Firefox users there are just as many bugs in it as there are in IE it's a fact. I imagine this will help Firefox gain more customers, but the large majority will continue to use IE. This is because of indifference, loyalty, or ignorance, and of course there is always the Mac Zealot. Apple freaks are another story though.

Did anyone know or care that Michael Jackson had a new greatest hits CD? It's only sold 8,000 copies this week and the people who bought it were dropped on their heads as babies. Now there is a scientific study that should be looked into.

A woman in Kansas is filing sued against Denny's for "toilet burns". I guess this means I can get rich of all these Mexican restaurants here in Texas. Between all the Habaneros and jalapenos in the food my fiery shit will make me millions!

Check out this story, I can't post any pictures as they are copyrighted. ANITA JONES crushes men for cash. The 18 stone, 52DD divorcee from Devon earns a fortune simply sitting on men. I'm not sure what 18 stone means I think it means enormously fat. I have to agree with her ex David although not too much he still had a kid with her.I thought a saucy outfit would spice things up.
So one night I'd zipped up my 18st and 55DD boobs into the catsuit. I thought it showed off my curves. David was watching TV, so I crept downstairs and opened the living room door."Honey," I purred, "I've got something for you!" I shimmied into the room. He glanced round with a look of horror. Then turned back to the Sci-Fi film he was watching. "I'm not interested," he muttered.

Vienna's Leopold Museum has invited the public to come in the nude on Friday to view an exhibition of erotic works by Austrian masters like Gustav Klimt and Egon Schiele. At first this sounds like a Wonderful way to spend a Friday. Let's go look at some boobies for free! What you will end up seeing is hairy man ass and nobody wants to view hairy man ass.

If this is true and I hope it is, it's quite funny, British subways are warning people not to run on the concourse, especially if you look a bit foreign.

When will men learn that the only time is even remotely safe for women to handle knives is in the kitchen. After taunting his wife over a recently deceased pets death (never a good idea) a Florida women stabbed her husband with a freaking large sword.
After tying the not a Los Angeles man had second thought. Instead of getting the marriage annulled he did the only sane thing and threw her off a cliff. AWWWWW, Love!

Those crazy Japanese and their crazy sex slaves. Japanese scientists have unveiled the most human-looking robot yet devised. It uses silicon for it's skin instead of hard plastic. Now we know that cyborgs are all around us. Cyborgs with sexy large breasts!

Will OJ Simpson crimes never stop? I'm not sure what's worse getting away with killing two people are stealing cable. This time the glove fit and they had to acquit.

Did anyone lose 24 kilograms of cocaine? If so the Austrian police located it in the lost and found at the airport.

I knew these pictures would come out of Tara Reid at my party. I apologize for this drucken debauchery placed on you. I will try harder to hide pictures like this next time. Yes, sadly, alcohol doesdo that to your ass.

Girl of the Day:

Christina Milian. Everything British.

Blog Quote:
Sir Lancelot: We were in the nick of time. You were in great peril. Sir Galahad: I don't think I was. Sir Lancelot: Yes, you were. You were in terrible peril. Sir Galahad: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril. Sir Lancelot: No, it's too perilous. Sir Galahad: Look, it's my duty as a knight to sample as much peril as I can. Sir Lancelot: No, we've got to find the Holy Grail. Come on. Sir Galahad: Oh, let me have just a little bit of peril? Sir Lancelot: No. It's unhealthy. Sir Galahad: I bet you're gay. Sir Lancelot: No, I'm not.
- Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Everything looks up and running!

Sweet! So it looks like everything is correct now. Well, beside the stupid counter which sometimes comes up and sometimes does not, but that's not my coding. I went ahead and updated the videos for the week since I was going to do that tomorrow anyway. Hopefully I will like this design for awhile. Let me know what you think. I finally got the time to set right too.

New Look

A hobby of mine is web design. The initial design of the blog I thought was cool. Now I think it sucks. I change my mind often so I will probably do this every once in awhile. So you are at the right place. If it's not working correctly, I'm working on it. And if you have a consructive comment let me know. If you don't go ahead at let me know what you think.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Jessica Alba Dreamcrusher

Jessica Alba enjoys crushing the dreams of others. In a somber note my movie script was denied in one callous comment.

"The scripts I get are always for the whore, or the motorcycle chick in leather, or the horny maid. I get all these screenplays that start, 'Tawnya is in the shower. The water streams down her naked perky breasts. I don't think that is happening to Natalie Portman."

I'll have you know Mrs. Alba that shower scene was a stroke or strokes of genius. It just shows your ignorance when you talk of Natalie Portman. Who do you think was offered the role of Gwen? That's Right, you're partner in that shower scene was going to be none other then Natalie Portman. You two beautiful women weren't going to need light sabers for this breathtaking action, but NO. You have to ruin it for everybody! Thanks a lot, Jessica Alba. I can't believe you have the nerve to wear that cowboy hat I sent you!

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

GOTD: Heather Graham

Sorry, really busy today! Here is a girl of the Day though.

The Count Down has Begun.

The circle of life must continue and their must be an heir for the clan McArthur. I ask myself can I maintain the balance of power or will I fall in battle to the sneaky ambitions of the serpant. I understand that the only way to overcome this evil threating alll that I hold dear is to find the armor. My quest will hopefull not be in vain as the wedding date of 6/6/06 begins I must seek out adventures that can help me find this elusive armor for I know that I can not do it alone. If anyone has any clues to as where the sandals of peace my be found please inform me. The sandals must be the first piece I find for the road ahead will be dangerous I will have to walk across fire to reach my goal and only the sandals can protect me from this harsh path.

Monday, July 25, 2005

Back in Black

I just want to thank everyone for the cards, letters, and emails although I just got back from vacation I plan on writing each and everyone of you once again thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your kind words. As I said I am back from vacation with a renewed sense of destruction and planning to defecate on anything that will hold still long enough. Keeping that in mind if you try to run I might just take up poo flinging just like those monkeys I saw at the Zoo. I am glad to see that my picture of Shamu at the San Antonio Sea World reached you Big D. As you know it is a strange habit of mine to check out the wangs of different creatures. Shamu and I came to an understanding that although his is bigger, mine is more powerful. Afterward the big pansy needed to cuddle and share his life goals with me.
While there are many things that I would like to tell you about my adventure I am still in mourning. A very special person to me died during my vacation. Through the years he has proven to be one of the greatest men I have ever known. With my black armband on for everyone to see I honor you and stand proud to be a member of the DA. That is all I can say for now the pain is still to fresh to talk of any more thoughts about him.Spending time with my beloved this past week has given me a new position on how I should change my way and become a better man then I am at the present. It has been a very emotional time for me and I just want to thank the "Disciple" for all the help that he has given me during this most unfortunate time. I also want everyone to know that I am working on putting on the Armor or God and will talk more bout this in the weeks to come. May God Bless you all and the force be with you.

Jane Fonda, Snakes, Fighting Old Men and Britney Spears

Jane Fonda must be in dire need of cash. After divorcing her billionaire husband Ted Turner apparently her extravagant lifestyle has taken a dip. Mansions and horse ranches are expensive! So the famous communist and ultra liberal Fonda has found a capitalist way to solve her problems. She is going on a bus tour to call an end to U.S. military operations in Iraq. Now don't worry the bus is going to be powered by vegetable oil with all you favorite Partridge Family tunes blasting. On this antiwar tour she will be peddling her new book My Life So Far. So forget about supporting our troops and support Jane Fonda's cause. I mean you can never have enough ponies can you?

That's a big fucking snake!

Check out snopes for the story.

OLD MAN FIGHT!!! I laughed so hard I nearly stopped breathing when I watched this. So this clip might not be safe to view at work. But if you get an opportunity check out these old bastards fight.

Jaime from Blogs are for Wusses beat me to the post that Brittney Spears is going to give birth to a rhinoceros. So I thought I'd try a different spin. From this angle, she does not look too bad. Her stomach is not the only thing growing! She may be able to breast feed an entire third world country before it's over. Now the question remains, where did I live that passport?

Girl of the Day:Adriana Lima. Why, because I just got a new Victoria Secret Catalog.


What can you say? Lance Armstrong is a TRUE champion; not just for his sport, but
for the millions he has brought hope to.

Blog Qoute.
He represents a gold standard you can aim for, an ideal to strive for.
-Tyler Farrar, a 21-year-old member of the US national team

Friday, July 22, 2005


Here is something I did not know. Frontman Dave Mustaine of Megadeth is a devote Christian. Apparently he converted in 2002. He has been touring with Megadeth at a few festivals, but he refuses to now play at these festivals because of the satanic bands on the bill. No problem that's your right to play with whom ever you want to. So I really don't care if he refuses to play on the bill, but I'm curious if he still plays Symphony of Destruction and I Am Evil.

Strange News / Celebrity Crap:
Last month two teens were suspended for taping three girls baring their breasts in the parking lot of their High School and now face criminal charges. The girls were suspended as well, but they don't face any criminal charges. That's just not right can you really blame the guys for wanting to tape boobies. Every "straight" guy on the planet dreams of chances to do this. Most of the time we walk around thinking, "Wow, I'd like to see her breasts". Most of the time I don't even care what the person looks like, I just wonder what their boobies look like, but hey that could just be me... No, it's not it's every guy young or old.

Chernobyl is finally paying off for Russians as they begin to mutate. Every forth Russian is resistant to AIDS thanks to a mutant gene. I wonder what other powers they will have. I cannot wait to get a super powered Russian Bride, how sweet would that be. She can make me a pie at the speed of light.

I don't know about you but a huge weight has been lifted of my chest today. After I die I can pay the telemarketers one measly dollar for them to take me off their spam list. All I have to do is call in and verify the order with my credit card and they will place me on the DMA deceased registry. Who wants to be hounded by telemarketers in the after life? Finally, some peace and quiet.

This guy is seriously overpaying. Godwin Kipkemoi Chepkurgor of Africa offered 20 head of beef cattle and 40 goats to the Clintons for Chelsea proving a sucker is born every minute. Several friends sat down and tried to talk him out of it saying, "Come on, it's Chelsea!" Why trade a cow for another cow? Maybe she is worth like one goat as long as it's not like a really bad ass goat.

I've got a question from New Yorkers. Is this supposed to be funny or are is this person just being a ass?

Lots of movies to see this weekend.
Bad News Bears
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Wedding Crashers
I'll write a review of what I watch next week.

Girl of the Day:
Anastacia is apparently big in Europe. I think she had a few songs here, but don't ask me what they were. She does have a cool song on the Fantastic 4 soundtrack called burning with Ben Moody of Evanescence.

Blog Quote:
Because I've been talking about breasts alot lately.

Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: A woman having large breasts makes men stupid.
Rita Rudner

Updated Videos

Updated the videos on the side.

Back In Black (LIVE) - AC/DC
Suicide Messiah - Black Label Society
Scars -Papa Roach
Sooner Or Later - Breaking Benjamin
Beautiful Night - Burden Brothers

I think that's a good mix. You have rock gods AC/DC with new blood Breaking Benjamin, who are much better live then on CD. Then you have an excellent metal guitarist in Zakk Wylde of Black Label Society (also tours with Ozzy) and Papa Roach rounding it out for the alternative crowd.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Back to Normal

Fantastic 4 soundtrack - This could possible be the worst soundtrack ever put together. There is absolutely no rhyme or reason to it. I think they took 4 people with different musical taste and said Hey, we need 16 tracks go find some it doesn't matter if they mesh or not.

House of Wax Soundtrack - Where Fantastic 4 just piled some shit together House of Wax seemed to have a plan, Heavy. House of Wax has some established songs such as Minerva from the Deftones and Prayer from Disturbed. It has also has some established musicians that frequent on Heavy Metal soundtracks such as Marilyn Manson and new comers My Chemical Romance. My favorite track Path to Prevail by Bloodsimple is hardcore. This song is take no prisoners metal at it's finest. Overall not a bad soundtrack, there are defiantly some good tunes on it.

Strange News / Celebrity Crap:

Sexy actress Isla Fisher has been approached by numerous nymphomaniacs since the release of her racy comedy Wedding Crashers to confide that they relate to her character. The actress had this to say. "That's when I suddenly feel the need to walk away from this person. Clearly there are a lot of Glorias out there, so men beware." Nymphomania is no laughing matter and should be taken seriously. If you have a problem with Nymphomania please share your experiences with us. You can help others thru your openness.

Staying on topic a pair of homeless people was caught having sex on the top of a school building. The pair tried to flee when the copes caught them in the rear.... of the building. Proving once again if the homeless can get laid so can you.

Anna Anna Anna Nicole, you're so outrageous.

After slamming shots and nerve pills at a bar in South Carolina Anna Nicole decided to enter a wet t-shirt contest with those huge fake boobies she has. No word on what she placed. Then she continued drinking and by night's end the boyfriend, Larry tried to calm her down she smacked him in the face. Then after slamming some more shots she decided that she needed to slam something else and started kissing on girls. In a fit or remembrance she began dry humping some old man, who she left with. Many of Anna's Fans still have questions. How elderly was this man? Did she supply the Viagra? Why is Anna so attracted to old penis?

I heard Devil's Rejects comes out this weekend. I usually don't judge a movie before it comes out, however, in this situation I am. DO NOT watch see this movie. Rob Zombie should stick to metal his last movie proved him to be incompetently unimaginative. House of a Thousands Corpses may have been worse then Napoleon Dynamite. I so wanted to walk out on Rob's piece of shit movie, but I was with my brother who was looking forward to this movie. After it was over we both looked at each other and asked why the other didn't get up and leave. I've never been to a movie with the response this one got. People booed and absolutely no one had a good thing to say about it. So if go see this movie and realize that it turns out to be crap, just remember I told you.

Girl of the Day:
Anne Hathaway reminds me of what a classic beauty should look like. I will never admit to watching any movies she has been in so far, but she is gorgeous.

Blog Quote:

Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul. - Billy Madison

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

GOTD: Diane Lane

This is no girl, but an exceptionally attractive woman. I watched Unfaithful this weekend and damn!

A song of Tribute.

Tv dinners there's nothin' else to eat
Tv dinners they really can't be beat
I like 'em frozen but you understand
I throw 'em in and wave 'em and I'm a brand new man oh yeah!
Tv dinners they're goin' to my head
Tv dinners my skin is turnin' red
Twenty year old turkey in a thirty year old tin
I can't wait until tomorrow.... And thaw one out again oh yeah!
Tv dinners I'm feelin' kinda rough
Tv dinners this one's kinda tough
I like the enchiladas and the teriaki too
I even like the chicken if.... The sauce is not too blue.
And they're mine, all mine, oh yeah
And they sure are fine.
Gotta have 'em
Gimme somethin' now.

Thank you, ZZ Top.

In Memoriam

Well I'm back and I have heard some devastating news. Gerry Thomas has passed away. This great man lived to be 83 and is survived by his remarkable creation, which has inspired millions, the TV Dinner. The notable TV Dinner has helped civilize the known world since the 1950s. Some say it was responsible for bringing an end to the cold war. Although the brilliant Gerry Thomas has passed, his work still continues today. With people around the world are getting their first taste of freedom and civility. It taste like, like Salisbury steak. I have nothing but enormous respect for this dazzling man as the TV Dinner has been a staple in my diet for most if not all of my life. The outstanding TV Dinner has not only been a great meal waiting for my hungry fingers to open up, but a good companion who has stuck with me thru thick and thin. When in college with no money who was there to help me survive with a balanced meal? Five for a dollar TV Dinners. Now that I'm a single and financial responsible adult, who shares my television programming taste or offers advice? Hungry Man TV Dinners that's who. With many more flavors then there are colors in the rainbow the incredible TV Dinner has come to mean joy and happens to billions of people around the globe. So whether you are in China, Japan, Germany, Russia, here in the United States, or even Iraq there is one thing we all have in common the shared love for Gerry's brilliant idea. So today when you are setting around with your friends, coworkers, or that hot member of the opposite sex you have been meaning to talk too; strike up a conversation that would have made Gerry proud. What is your favorite TV Dinner?

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

GOTD: Stacy Keibler

Well I could post a blog today, but instead I'm going to watch Constantine. The girl of the day is from the WWE. Stacy Keilber whose legs go all the way up to her ass. That's right, I'm insightful.

Monday, July 18, 2005

GOTD: Cathrine Zeta Jones

Even though she is married to someone who could be her grandfather I guess Cathrine Zeta-Jones will be the GOTD mainly because I like saying her name.

Crasy Dan vs. Shamo

So Crazy Dan is on vacation. He went to San Antonio with his soon to be wife. He will be gone all week. I too am taking a few days off from work and feel pretty lazy. So I thought I would just share a photo that Carazy dan sent me from See World and post a GOTD later.

Yeah, he is going to try and kick my ass when he kicks back. That is if finished with shamo!

Friday, July 15, 2005

Harry Potter and the Satanic World of Witchcraft- according to morons.

Harry Potter and the Satanic World of Witchcraft.

As the entire world knows, even those with their heads stuck way up their ass, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince is set to be released tonight. I'm a huge fan of these books and preordered mine in January or February.
I have not always been a fan and I used to make fun of people who read them claiming they were for kids and basically just giving them shit for reading them. When OOTP came out, that's book 5 Harry Potter and the Order Of The Phoenix, my oldest brother tried to convince me these books were a great read especially after the dark tone of OOTP. I was hesitant to believe him and then a co-worker started discussing them with high praise for the books also. Both of thess people are highly intelligent individuals, but still I was too proud to even give the books a chance after all the trash I'd said about them. Then my twin brother who might be the most handsome and intelligent person that God ever created told me that I must read the books becasue they are GREAT. Becasue he enjoyed the books so much it convinced to read them and it turned out that I loved them.
Now my twin was in the same boat as me as having teased people about these books and he was eating his words which is rare, if fucking ever. So I decided to read them and I loved them. I've read them probably ten times since then. So I too had to apologize to everone for being an ass and not being able to open my heart and mind t new things. So I guess it taught me to have an open mind or not to talk shit about thinks I don't have a clue about. That should give you some background information into what I'm about to rant about.
The other day I was sitting around at break talking about the upcoming release when someone let me know their opinion on the books. Apparently, I work with several people who have problem breathing thru their ass. This person we will call him "The Disciple" informs me that he is a religion fanatic and shall enlighten my heathen mind indicating that he does not read or let his kids read or watch Harry Potter because of it's satanic and witchcraft message.
The Disciple then informs me that Potter is trying to lead our kids down the dark path. The only way to stop this madness is through listening to the holy spirit in our hearts to tell us what to read and watch. By "he" I think he meant Satan and not Harry Potter, but I can't confirm this. Maybe, he thinks Harry Potter is Satan. The Disciple then let me know that he knew people who read these books and all of a sudden bad things happened in their life and could tell they were going down an evil path.
Yes Harry Potter caused someone to become evil. I try not to laugh at other people beliefs, well at least not those I have to work with, but I accidentally laughed and he got quiet for a second maybe he felt embarrassed maybe he just thought I was going to hell. Who Knows? I asked him if he had ever read the books or watched the movies to form this opinion. Of course, he had not as he told me he had not and that the Holy Spirit told him what to read and watch. I was kind of impressed that he talked to the Holy Spirit. I have some question I'd like to ask, but instead I just grinned and shook my head. At this point he went into tongues, I wasn't really sure what he was saying, but I wished I could remember it; it would have been fun to impersonate at parties. At this point I really wanted to laugh or call 911 thinking he went to an epileptic shock, but I did neither. Honestly, I was in shock and I couldn't really say anything, I sometimes forget people like this are out there. Next time I see him maybe I'll ask him if they start off on garter snakes or just dive off into rattlers when they are snake charming.

GOTD: Carmen Electra


I'm constantly trying to improve the blog and my website. Like when I added the Rock Box, but sometimes shit just don't work well and I have to rethink my approach. The video playing automatically in the info box sounded like a good idea at the time. However, this was a pain in the ass for people on slower connections. It was also a pain in the ass when you tried to make comments or move to individual posts. I still like the idea of a video. So I decided to try another way. Now you can click a link of the video you want to watch and it will pop up in a small window. That way if you wanted to watch it, no problem, if not I wasn't interfering with what you were listening too and the page will load faster. I'm going to update the videos weekly and because I started on Friday, I will update them on Friday. A few other things I have added in the last week have been a new poll and a guest map. If you have any ideas to improve the site or saw something cool somewhere else let me know.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Becoming Crazy!!

Time to get to know one of your hosts and tell you stories of how I became known as Crazy Dan. Before I met my current girlfriend how has grudgingly decided to become my wife I was a bit out of control. I just wanted to make sure you knew it was before I met her so that there will be no awkward questions later. There is cool game we play known as see how many beers you can shotgun while chicks play with your nipples. This game is great it allows you to get drunk really fast and play with boobies, which is of course my two favorite things to do. I can't really recall how many bud lights I had that night I just remember that this really hot college freshman named Lacy who was allowing me to play with her nipples which was quite awesome.

So we decided to take things to the next level and go to her dorm room. Well both of us being so trashed we learn that walking is too much of a problem so we crawl to her dorm room, thankfully is only a block away. Well as luck would have it things were going really good THEN her roommate walked in. So the girl on top of me is way embarrassed and decided she needs to get up off me for some reason and try and put her clothes on. Notice at this point that her roommate did not leave the room, which I thought I was strange but could turn into something hot. At any rate while trying to get off me she falls flat on her face. Her roommate just looks at us and says to her roommate your drunk again arent you at this Lacy just laughs and asks how she knew that? The roommate with absolute calm tells her because you left your wheel chair at the party. What can I say Ia m an equal oportunist.

A Loaded Gun Complex, Cock it an Pull it.

For some reason lately I've been listening to whiny alternative bands. I don't really know why I'm doing this, but I have been enjoying it. Some of the bands I've been listeng to our Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romances, The Used, Local H, and Coheed and Cambria. Surgar, We're going Down by Fall Out Boy is stuck in my head right now. Thus the title for today's blog was born.

Strange News / Celebrity Crap:
A drunk man who fought with a bear in a zoo in Ukraine has been seriously injured. I will translate the conversation and events leading up to this fiasco. It sounded like something like a redneck would do so that's the translation except I replaced Bubba with Comrade, enjoy.

Drunk 1: Hey, ya know what sounds like a good ider? Going to the Zoo and getting shit faced.
Drunk 2: Sweet, That'll better then getting fucked up on the couch.
Drunk 1: Hells Yeah, Let's go visit us some monkeys!
Drunk 2: Check this out I'ma totally going to give these monkeys some shit.
Drunk 1: Comrade, he gave you some shit! And some monkey cum to the face too. HAHAHA
Drunk 2: Fuck these monkeys, Comrade. (wiping monkey shit and cum from his face) Let's go somewheres else.
Drunk 1: Comrade, those Monkeys kicked your ass!
Drunk 2: They did not! I can beat any stupid animals ass!
Drunk 1: You're a pussy, Comrade. Anything can whip your ass.
Drunk 2: Watch this I'll go open up a can 'O' whoop ass on that bear.
Drunk 1: Go far it Comrade!
Drunk 2: C'mere ya stupid bear, I'm gonna kick your ass, AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Drunk 1: HAHAHAHA Comrade that bear is... is... comrade?

Awww, rednecks. I can picture that like a little movie in my head. They breed to fast to become extinct, but bless them they try all the same.

You have to watch out for tricky mullet wearing, GED failing, NASCAR watching, tattooed white trash as the police in Minot, North Dakota found out. The police surrounded a trailer home the man then apparently tunneled his way out and called a cab from a nearby filling station. When Swat showed up to bust in he was already gone.

A 51-year-old man was arrested Wednesday for using his cell phone to take pictures up women's skirts at a Wal-Mart store. WAL-MART! DUMBASS there aren't any high class hotties at Wal-Mart. Maybe if granny panties turned you on. You need to find a new venue, maybe the Gap or Abercrombie and Finch.

Woman grows penis, men no longer needed.

An elderly man (73) is accused of pinning a sheriff's deputy against a Wal-Mart produce stand with his motorized wheelchair and trying to take his gun. So, I see the revultion has started.

Bruse Campbell (Evil Dead, Army of Darkness, Bubba Ho-Tep) is making a new movie. "In the Fall I'm going to start a new film for Dark Horse comics, a cool company set in Portland, they're making movies now. It's an untitled Bruce Campbell movie where I play myself. It's about a small town that is having problems with a monster and nothing's working so somebody suggests let's get the Evil Dead guy. Unfortunately, in reality I don't own a gun, I've never used a chainsaw and more die then before I got there." That's exactly what I suggest anytime a crazy
mutant, space alien, or just plain annoying loser bothers me, because hey Bruce Campbell can kick anyone ass. To bad the city councils never listens to my request.

Girl of the Day:
My favorite girl from Las Vegas Nikki Cox.

Blog Quote:
I get to use another Bruce Campbell Quote today. I love when I get an excuse to do this.
Well hello Mister Fancypants. Well, I've got news for you pal, you ain't leadin' but two things: Jack and shit... and Jack just left town.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Tuesday the 13th


The cover of this album doesn't really surprise me too much. Willie Nelson and pot go hand and hand. What is odd is what is on the CD. Don't get the mistaken impression that I listen to Willie, besides what I hear in some bars. Give me a break I live in Texas! This new album is not country, but Reggae. I'm curious how his fan based will react to this. I will be conducting interviews with his fans later this week to find out. Again I live in Texas this will not be like scourging the city, but more like crossing the street.

Strange News / Celebrity Crap:
Former Matchbox 20 frontman Rob Thomas is outraged over the rumors he was caught sleeping with Tom Cruise. "Tom wouldn't be on the top of my list...It would be BRAD PITT." Et tu, Rob. But seriously sometimes you have to settle for the people close to the bottom of the list. Jessica Alba maybe at the top of my list, but I'll settle for a waitress at Hooters.

Damn You Michael Bay! Some actresses are nervous or cautious about revealing too much skin, not Scarlett Johansson staring in the new movie The Island. In a confrontation about her sex scene Johansson tell director Micheal Bay "I'm not wearing this cheap ... bra. I'm going naked." He then replied "It's PG-13, you have to wear the bra." What about the bonus scenes on the DVD asshole!

I love a horror film when it is actually horrifying, which hasn't happened until Blair Witch. This new Movie The Exorcism of Emily Rose looks freaking awesome though.

In extremely rare decision, the Catholic Church officially recognized the demonic possession of a 19 year-old college freshman. Told in terrifying flashbacks, "The Exorcism of Emily Rose" chronicles the haunting trial of the priest accused of negligence resulting in the death of the young girl believed to be possessed. Inspired by true events. As a lawyer who takes on the task of defending the priest who performed the controversial exorcism.Check out the trailer.

Well I guess that is all the shows for fall I'll be commenting on as all the other are so unoriginal that they do not inspire witty comments, but loathing and revulsion.

Girl of the Day:
For standing up to the man Scarlett Johansson is GOTD.

Blog Quote:

I find this quote to be 100% true in my experience.
Nothing sways the stupid more than arguments they can't understand - Cardinal de Retz

Tuesday, July 12, 2005


Wow, this will be a first for me. I never blog what happens at work, because I work for a small company and some of the other employees read my blog and I don't need the headache if I happen to offend anyone. Which is most likely what would happen, but today I have to post this. Over the last couple of weeks we have been getting calls from someone that their machine has been making funny noises that almost sound like a cricket. Yeah OK, whatever. One of us would get up and go take a look and the sound would be normal. They would claim it sounded weird just a few seconds ago. So today at right about 5 we get a call from this same person complaining about the noise again. So the other tech goes into her office to take a look. Guess what? It WAS a fucking cricket! Now I don't ask a lot. I don't even ask for a basic shred of common sense. That would be like asking for world peace or an end to poverty, I don't dream that big. I do, however, think it's not that difficult to tell the difference between a machine and a biological organism. Sometime I wonder if it's hard to breathe up there. You know, with your head stuck so far up your ass!

July 12th

I bought the new Megadeth's Greatest Hits CD. The songs were remastered for better sound quality and you can tell. I liked it real well, but I like Megadeth.

Strange News / Celebrity Crap:
A woman in Rajasthan "where ever the fuck that is" has accused her husband and in-laws of forcing her to have sex with other family members "maybe it's in Arkansas" to make her conceive, and then throwing her out of the house when she failed "damn those GED clases!".

After his friends paid $25, Keith Lowery was handcuffed and spanked "sweet" with a 3-foot-long paddle and a belt "OUCH" while one of the strippers restrained his head with her legs "That's more like it. I guess she just needed a little head.".The three women were then charged with misdemeanor battery. OK this is bullshit and it pisses me off. Sure I have fun when I go to the strip clubs, but how come I never get to see this crazy shit going down. It never fails that the second I end up hearing of one these places they get shutdown because Strippers are giving spankings or they give customers EXTRA entrainment. Damn it, I want so EXTRA entertainment!

Fishing in Texas.

Rick James' ghost is set to release a new album. When asked way he was releasing a post mortem record he replied "Because... I'm Rick James' Ghost, bitch!"

Sure there are potential hazards for this new game. You know with all the crazy fuckers around and everything. I ask you to think of how fucking unbelievably awesome it could be though. A new game was started in New York called Street Wars. It is a round robin, all city, and 24/7 water-gun assassination tournament. Find out more about it at

I didn't find anything that interesting in movie news today.

All the new shows for fall look like crap. I'm having a hard time even wanting to make an effort to talk about them. Anyway today's new show is The Ghost Whisperer. Jennifer Love Hewitt plays Melinda Gordon a young newlywed with the unique ability to communicate with the earthbound spirits of people who have died "I see dead people"-- and who seek her help. "There is already a show like this it's called Medium with Patricia Arquette. Have you ever noticed that in that show she is constantly lying in bed. Oh and that she has very large breasts." Melinda uses her gift to relay significant messages and important information to the living "Don't forget the Garbage man only comes on Wednesday's", but sometimes the messages she receives are intense and confusing. "No shit you have an hour of my life to waste". As a result, she is often met with questions and skepticism by the survivors. "Why is this crazy bitch talking to me? By the way thanks for showing cleavage, did you know you have really large breasts?" But when Melinda is able to help both the lost souls who contact her and those who are still alive, she knows that her unique talent is an asset and not a liability. "This is a reason to stay in on Friday night?" How does Jennifer Love Hewitt still get acting jobs? Have you ever seen her act in something where she did not act like Jennifer Love Hewitt?

Girl of the Day:
Catherine Bell from JAG.

Blog Quote:
Yeah, well I'm gonna build my own Lunar Space Lander! With blackjack aaaaannd Hookers! Actually, forget the Space Lander, and the blackjack. - Bender on Futurama

Monday, July 11, 2005

The Fantastic Four

Fantastic Four Review:
OK, so I watched Fantastic Four this weekend. I had really low expectations of this movie mainly because the trailers did not looking appealing with the whole Doom character. I guess before I really start this review I should tell you I was once a huge comic book geek, I collected and read comics like all the stereo typical geeks you could think of. I still read comics, but now it's just I might pick up a graphic novel every once in while. I still have all my old comics. There was a lot of bad in this movie and some really positive things about Fantastic Four.

The Bad:
First and for most the Victor Von Doom character was total shit. I mean they butcher the character. Bad writing, bad actor just total shit. Dr. Doom is one of the greatest villains ever created in the medium and someone should get their ass kicked for what they did to him. Doom was not just the Fantastic Four's villain he was Marvel main staple villain he battled Spiderman the Avengers, X-men, anyone who stood in his way he fought. Did Doom have awesome powers in the comic? Hell no, he was just a super genius with unlimited amounts of money, and a free pass by owning his own country. Latveria. That's one of the best part of Doom in reality he is just a man fighting a bunch of super heroes with powers. I was always able to relate to Doom, sure he was an evil tyrant and had more money then God, but still he couldn't shoot lighting out of his ass. In realty he was actually good to the subjects of Latveria. Doom was a three dimensional character unlike most villains. Sure he wanted to take over the world, who doesn't? In this movie Viktor which I will call Dr. Doom because he doesn't deserve the name, plays the most evil person in the world a CEO of a billion dollar company! I wonder what political side the writer and director where on, cough liberal cough.

Plot According to Viktor:
Billionaire CEO Viktor Von Doom bullies once MIT classmate Reed Richards who comes begging for money. Viktor touts that he is more successful and even stole Reed's former college girlfriend Sue Storm. He decides to fund Reeds experiment because he knows Reed is always right, but wants 75 percent of anything he invents from his experiments. Feeling like he has got nothing to do any way, expect maybe run a billion dollar company, he also decides to tag along travel to the space station and fuck with Richards the whole time teasing him that he stole the love of his life and he's in debt to him. While proposing to Sue, the only woman he can't get, the freak cosmic storm happens sooner then Reed anticipates and everyone is bombarded by cosmic radiation. Back on earth Viktor finds out he is about to lose his company, because of this failed experiment. Viktor gets pissed off and realizes he is staring to change into a metallic freak with the ability to produce electricity. So he decides to kill the company's board members who are replacing him, but why stop there. It looks like Reed got Sue back and he is getting everything he wanted, attention and Jessica Alba. Let's kill Reed. First he must get rid of the one person stopping him THE THING. So by careful manipulation, 2 minutes of bad dialog, he turns the Thing back to normal and pursues too try and kill the rest of The Fantastic Four. Brilliant!

Another Bad point of the movie was it tried to be an origin film, but it gave little to no background on the characters. What character background they did give was hidden in bad dialog. Character development in the story was really bad for the most of part, especially Reed and Sue. These characters never really seem to grow.

The Good:
Chris Evans and Michael Chiklis were great as Johnny Storm and Ben Grimm the Thing. Sure he is not blond but who gives a shit. Chris Evans did a great Job playing Johnny Storm! I think he actually read the comics growing up. The rashness, crazy antics, and basically just the character of Johnny were spot on. Michael Chiklis also did a wonderful job as Ben Grimm. I thought he really brought out the humanness of the Thing. The whole relationship of these two characters helped keep this movie from being shit. I thought these two characters were perfectly cast.

After be apprehensive about Jessica Alba being cast as Sue Storm I was pleasantly surprised and thought she did a good job. I thought maybe she was a little too young for this part, but once in the theater that idea was quickly forgotten. Jessica Alba is incredibly hot and I was actually thankful for the tight spandex outfit. I really like the clip thrown in for guys when she first turns invisible and you see her in her panties, I mean that's great stuff! Some people complain that the character was too bitchy, but that's how Sue was in the comic she was the mother figure and was constantly having to pry Johnny and Ben apart.

I still think the Fantastic Four is a good idea and should be made bigger. Which will probably happen after it raked it 50 million dollars opening weekend. Sure the effects could have been better, but I'm going to take this movie as a stepping stone for what could be a great franchise. Just make sure you get Evans, Chiklis, and Alba back, while your at it get a new director and writer.

Girl of the Day:
Jessica Alba is anyone hotter then her right now? The answer is NO!

Blog Quote:
Johnny Storm: It's like some higher calling.

Reed Richards: Like getting girls and making money?

Johnny Storm: Is there any higher?

Friday, July 08, 2005

Stay Healthy!

I've listened to the White Stripes new single Blue Orchid several times, in the car on the computer, on my stero. So today I downloaded it and was listening to it on my headphones writing the blog. It damn near blew my head off it was so awesome the bass and beat felt like it was plugged directly into my head it was the first time anything actually sounded better with headphones on.

Strange News / Celebrity Crap:

Rachel is here to help you stay healthy make sure and watch this informative video. If you go to only one link on my blog today go to this one.

After taking over John Travolta job as head recruiter Tom Cruise has made his presence felt in Hollywood and possibly the world. Although, I do not have the actually have percentage rate of increase in new members I do know "Mission Impossible" is slowly becoming a reality as a new convert Keri Russell was named. The costar of his next movie Mission Impossible III now holds belief in the religion of scientology. Cruise's new tactic seems ingenious. By collecting and converting hot women over to scientology he is in fact gaining male support. One must ask just what is Cruise's ultimate goal and how far will he go to reach it?

Even though Maria Sharapova lost Wimbledon she number on in our hearts. Check out this very cool Maria Sharapova video to see why.

Other Cool Videos I found on this site:
A hilarious video on that annoying 419 phising scam!
Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson teach how to party!
Just go to to check out the videos. I will post it as a new link, also.

I am not saying the Chinese have everything right they were ranked the most ignorant people in the world about sex and they are really short, but sometimes they may just have a good idea and the rest of the world should say: Hey, that's a good idea.

Justice Judy?

A History of Violence a new movie with Viggo looks bad ass. Check out the trailer here.

My Name is Earl: Premise: Jason Lee (from damn near all the Kevin Smith movies) plays Earl a redneck, trailer trash, loser who wins the lottery and realizes he has been an ass to everyone and needs to atone for these selfish acts to get better karma. I like Jason Lee he has been funny in everything he has ever done and I do not see that changing. This show will defiantly been on my list to watch this year, at least at first. You can check out the trailer here.

Girl of the Day:
For looking out for your health and mine Rachel Stevens is the girl of the day. Don't know who she is? She was in that teen The S Club on ABC Family. I think she is a big pop star in Britain now.

Blog Quote:
I guess this should just turn iton movie lines, because that is pretty much where I get these quotes. Here is one of my favorite scenes from Chasing Amy.

Banky Edwards: Alright, now see this? This is a four-way road, OK? And dead in the center is a crisp, new, hundred dollar bill. Now, at the end of each of these streets are four people, OK? Are you following?
Holden: Yeah.
Banky Edwards: Good. Over here, we have a male-affectionate, easy to get along with, non-political agenda lesbian. Down here, we have a man-hating, angry as fuck, agenda of rage, bitter dyke. Over here, we got Santa Claus, and up here the Easter Bunny. Which one is going to get to the hundred dollar bill first?
Holden: What is this supposed to prove?
Banky Edwards: No, I'm serious. This is a serious exercise. It's like an SAT question. Which one is going to get to the hundred dollar bill first? The male-friendly lesbian, the man-hating dyke, Santa Claus, or the Easter bunny?
Holden: The man-hating dyke.
Banky Edwards: Good. Why?
Holden: I don't know.
Banky Edwards: Because the other three are figments of your fucking imagination!

Thursday, July 07, 2005

The Seventh

These morons are still around! To many smart ass comments for this picture! Make up your own I can't decide!

Jessica Alba is on the cover of Rolling Stone.

Strange News / Celebrity Crap:

Warning Profanity ahead!

I really don't have much to say about these cocksuckers.

Maybe this is a little extreme you be the judge. Moscow police intercept a car bomb and then beat the subject to death.

A New York woman who calls herself Beverly Bounders is introducing a line of cards that let prostitute patrons prepay for sex at a legal brothel before they even leave home. Bounders came up with the plan after reading a study suggesting 40 percent of men would not object if their son's first sexual experience was with a prostitute. Bounders is in discussions with various Nevada brothels and predicts the cards will become popular graduation gifts and also be big sellers with businessmen who do not want to pay for sex with a check or credit card. If all goes well, Bounders will introduce the carnal cards within a month. You know my birthday is coming up. What better way then saying, You Rock, then the gift of whores!

Knock, Knock. Who's there? UNICEF. Except this time it's not jaws, but a bear with the munchies!

Here is a trailer that looks half way funny. It is called Fun with Dick and Jane it stars Jim Carrey and Tea Leoni.

The 40 Year Old Virgin is a new movie coming out in August with Steve Carell as the main actor. It is about time this guy has his own movie he has been one upping Will Farrell in his last several movies. Check out the preview it looks hilarious.

What crap is the network going to shove at us to watch this year? I will give a premise each day about the better peices of crap we may be forced to endure.

Prison Break:
Premise: Big brother gets convicted of killing some guy related to another guy who is important and is sentence to die. Little brother cries, No he is innocent, and comes up with a way to get his big brother out by going to jail too! Thru TV magic he is sent to the same maximum security prison even though it was a minimum security crime. Know aided with the help of a bunch of criminals he plots a break out. The surprise is if this show's a hit they will never breakout, but if it sucks you will never see the end. So why the hell should I bother?

Girl of the Day:
Star of The Girl Next Door Elisha Cuthbert.

Blog Quote:
There's a passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you. I been sayin' that shit for years. And if you ever heard it, it meant your ass. I never really questioned what it meant. I thought it was just a cold-blooded thing to say to a motherfucker before you popped a cap in his ass. But I saw some shit this mornin' made me think twice. Now I'm thinkin': it could mean you're the evil man. And I'm the righteous man. And Mr. 9mm here, he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. - Pulp Fiction

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Found some firework news.

I listened to bought Static X newest CD, Start a War. It has a few good tacks like Enemy and the title track Start a War. The sound is alot more metal influence then the previous albums. Over all the Cd is just OK. I also downloaded CKY’s single Familiar Realm which I really like.

Strange News / Celebrity Crap:
I don't particularly like Paris Hilton, but I just cannot help wondering what the bimbo will do next. Here is her latest commercial for company called Go Yellow in Germany.

You can't fire me. I was only caught sleeping, smoking pot, and urinating on the roof.

This is a little creepy, but it's pretty damn cool too. This is what I call a viewing funeral for fans.

Now I can be a member of the elite. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!

I don't know about you, but I was always afraid of going swimming in Urquhart Bay. What if Nessie attacked me? I would hate to leave my family with high medical bills or expensive funeral arrangements. My insurance doesn't cover acts from prehistoric lake monsters. Well now there is an insurance that does. Thanks NIG!

I got to show my support for the bad ass Texan, Lance Armstrong. Kick ass in France!

I promised Firework stories and I found them!
A guy got hit by a train while waiting for his fireworks to go off. Let me think, getting hit by a train or watching Fireworks? Train, Fireworks? Train, Fireworks? Train, Fireworks? TRAIN!!!

Hyperactive like the rest of her breed, the Jack Russell terrier named Kaylee would chase anything thrown her way. To the horror of adults and children at a family July 4th picnic, she did just that when a powerful firecracker was thrown into her yard. She chased it down and was killed outright when it went off. Awww, the sweet taste of therapy!

Nothing new today.

Tonight is the last episode of Beauty and The Geek and Big Brother 6 starts tomorrow.

Girl of the Day:
Shannon Elizabeth for waking up from her drug induced sleep and finding out her husbands looks like a hobbit.

Blog Quote:
I may be a bastard, but I'm not a fucking bastard. - Dusk til Dawn


This weekend I journied up to the city of Amarillo to see my beautiful and talented fiance. Turns out she had to work the 4th of July what a crook of shit. So instead of sitting around doing nothing I went to watch some movies. First movie on the list was a comedy called Rebound staring Martin Lawerance. Have you heard of this movie? No, well lets keep it that way. The only reason I decided to watch this piece of shit was to see the trailer to the next big movie. (Wait for it) BIG MOMMAS HOUSE 2. No, not really I do feel bad for Martin Lawerance he used to be funny. As this movie was over and I still had 6 hours to wait I decied to watch the much anticipated War or the Worlds that started our once Man of the Week Tom Cruise. If you wanting a movie with stunning special effects, insane action and a story of the human condition DO NOT watch this film. I hate to sound depressing, like I don't like any movies but this one was just so dissapointing Tom Cruise is no hero by any means in this movie. The aliens are really not that scary all you really had to do to kill them was punch them in the face. But did anyone do that hell no. They just waited for them to die then were all like aren't we humans bad ass. One other interesting thing about this movie is the aliens use of weaponery to make the human population cower! The weapon of choice was a bull horn!!!! Whenever you heard that shit it was scary time! Everybody RUN! My advice watch Batman or Star Wars Again.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005



Sorry for the late post, but it has been crazy few days. We had a thunderstorm roll thru this weekend at it left devastation in it's wake. My server was hit, but luckily I was prepared and had a backup ready to go. I work for a telephone company and it was also hit and took a major hit at that. I had to replace servers, workstations, monitors, NICs, routers, and switches, but enough bitching here is the post.

I watched parts of that Live 8 concert on MTV and I thought Pink Floyd getting back together was fucking awesome.

Strange News / Celebrity Crap:
2.75 inches is normal, that means I'm gigantic! OHHH YEAHH!

I love video games as much as the next guy or do I?

Those Damn Lesbians! This means war unless I can watch!

I just knew I would find a news story where some moron blew off his hand thanks to fireworks, but no luck.

I guess it's time to let my true geek rise. I found this article at IMDB and had to make a comment.
Brett Ratner is spicing up the new X-Men 3 movie with the addition of his very own fantasy - a sex siren mutant who seduces her opponents rather than battles them. Ratner takes over from departing director Bryan Singer, who made the first two movies, and the Rush Hour film maker is determined to leave his mark on the comic book series. The new mutant has not yet been cast but unknowns Kate Nauta and Aya Sumika will reportedly audition. A source tells the mutant will be, "An unbelievably hot and sexy hooker. Her super power is that she secretes a pheromone that helps her to seduce men. She can seduce anyone." The source adds of the auditions, "They are open to all ethnicities who are in their early-to-mid 20s."
I am all for hot chicks and super powered hookers( I watch Skinamax) not in X-Men though. This guy is totally going to kill the X-Men franchise just like Joel Schumaker did Batman. He thinks he knows more about mutants then Stan Lee? What a fucking idiot!

I did not watch any movies this weekend but Crazy Dan said he would post some reviews the lazy bastard!

I was too busy working, drinking, or blowing shit up to watch TV.

Girl of the Day:
I am going to do something a little different with the girl of the day. I'm going to start making them wallpapers 1024x768 just click the picture for the larger image, right click the image and set as wallpaper!

Kristin Kreuk from Smallville.

Blog Quote:
I forgot to say where that last quote was from. It came from the movie Reservoir Dogs my favorite Quentin Tarantino Movie.

Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does all the work
- Mark Twain