Monday, April 03, 2006

The Hunt: Friday.

Fuzz rolls up to the house about quarter till six on Friday. Crazy Dan and I load up the gear and supplies and hop in the back of the truck. Fuzz says the hunting ground is a secret an we are meeting up with the others at Tips.

Crazy Dan didn't have to work on Friday so he had already been drinking and was pretty soused by the time we started off. So the journey began. On the eleven mile trip to Tips Crazy stood up in the truck and begin to try and fling piss on passing motorists. This was quite entertaining until a car flipped a bitch and started following us. I was getting kinda anxious as we pulled into Tips with said motorist following closely on our tail. Crazy Dan Jumped out of the truck when a rather large woman exited the vehicle and waddled up to the crazy man. As she cornered Crazy Dan I thought the worse, but she merely gave him a wink and a toothless grin asking for his phone number.

Disaster averted we enter Tips. I had already got my supplies, but thought I'd go ahead and start loading up on ice. Soon as I finish throwing the ice in the truck I here Fuzz yelling at Dan to put something down. Curious what CD is up to I jog back in just in time to see Crazy Dan swing at fuzz with this giant 3 foot dildo. With Crazy Dan being drunk and a little off balance Fuzz was able to easily dodge the giant prick. Unfortunately Crazy Dan's new friend, the enormous toothless wonder, was unable to avoid that fate and ended sprawled in out in the plastic toys section. As we tackled CD and headed for the door he grabbed an inflatable sheep that set off the alarm at the door. I apologized to the security guy, he just smiled and waved us off saying it happened all the time, especially with this model. That freaked me out a little bit, but what the hell.

Phred and Cleveland helped me toss Dan in the back and we headed off to the sacred hunting grounds, Fuzz whistling a little tune. I'm not sure what it was something about every rose has a thorn. I think it was from the 80's. Yeah, he's old.

Just as we hit the hunting spot Crazy Dan gains consciousness. Hey I know this place there is a goat farm around here. This is a little troubling, but what the hell. Just then Fuzz throws on the breaks and Cleveland tumbles out the truck on his ass. "I told you not to sit on the side, Fuzz drives like a woman." I laugh. Cleveland jumps up cursing Fuzz and crying party fowl by making him spill his drink. He cheers up rather quickly as Fuzz tosses him a bud. We all feel pretty excited as Fuzz fills us in on his plan.

Sometimes in his excitement Fuzz gets a little long winded. So I start to zone out thinking about the Boom Boom Cabaret. Anyway he finishes up. So what's the plan again, I ask. I see Crasy Dan and Cleveland nodding in agreement. The only person who remembers any of the plan is Phred. Fuzz looks a little pissed and mumbles something about the Gipper, whoever the hell that is, and tells me and Cleveland to follow Phred he fill us in. I'm curious if they had similar thoughts about skipping the chupa hunt and beginning a beaver hunt.

Phred tells us to stand lookout at the entrance of the Canyon and starts in on a little strategery, but unlike Fuzz, he notices our daze looks and replies "Just stand here and don't fuck around!" He then offers us some "Scent of Doe". It smelled rather nasty so Cleveland and I passed. Phred then happily trotted away to climb up the canyon walls. It was getting pretty boring when Cleveland had the great idea to have a mock duel. It started getting serious after Cleveland beaned me in the head with Glamdring. His phone rang and it provided me with the opportunity to slam the flat of Anduril against his stomach. Cursing the phone and me he limped off to the nearest bush complaining he needed to shit.

His phone continued to ring and then I heard this loud, THAWK and a scream. I rush over to see what happened to find Cleveland pointing his gun at Fuzz telling him to bend over it's his turn. I was started laughing and soon was having a hard time breathing when the stand still came to close. Fuzz apologized about the shot to Cleveland's ass and we went back to our posts.

Just as I can get over my belly laugh I hear a blood curdling scream from up high. I rush up to the canyon telling Cleveland to stay put as his ass is sore anyway. As a climb up the small cliff I see this huge buck on top of someone. This buck is just going at it. I had never seen a buck in all its glory, but this one was definitely excited. I approach the situation with caution and realize the poor guy is Phred. I really don't have to time to laugh, but today I can honestly say this one of the most fucked up, yet funniest things I've ever seen. I point Anduril at the bucks throat and rush to stab it. The buck does not even notice the sword going throw it's throat. So blood is pouring all over poor Phred. I decide to slash at the buck instead of stab. I catch it right under the throat. Trying to take its head off the Buck staggers back and later stumbles and falls off Phred.

I hear Fuzz behind me choking. I'm not sure how long he has been there but I help Phred up and notice that Fuzz is a nice shade of purple. I go over to see if he is alright but he is just shaking. Then I notice the huge smile on his face and I realize he is just laughing. I tell him to take deep breaths and he soon recovers.

We hobble back to camp, and call an end to Friday night some cursing, some close to passing out, others laughing their asses off.


:P fuzzbox said...

What a hunt! The world may never be the same again.

Ranea said...

Sounds like there was more drinking than hunting going on!
It's a wonder Crazy Dan didn't try to take advantage of Phred while he was down.:O

phred said...

NOT Phunny !!!!
Tracking down and destroying urban legends is serious business.
Besides..I KNOW to watch out for Crazy Dan.

Mimi said...

Is this a boys only club or can I join? You guys would be a blast!

cleveland said...

not phunny my ass still hurts

Breezy said...

see i figured dan got tired of the goats and moved on to bucks, but i guess Phred got to it first huh?

Big D said...

Fuzz: Nor the universe.

Renea: Who's to say what happened later.

Phred: You redeemed yourself later.

Mimi: I'm all for not making this a susage party.

Cleveland: I'm sure it does.

Breezy: It could be worse.

Crazy Dan said...

I am sucha pimp.

RAVEN the PITA said...

I keep picture you running through the bushes, sword in hand, "Here I come to save the dayyyyy!" Phred's hero for life!