Thursday, August 31, 2006

Rainbow Moonlove 2

I have said it before blogs should not be a place for hate but one for love. So for the second week I am going to send out a little love to a fellow blogger. Only this time instead of sending it to someone full of anger and hate I am going to send it to man, Phred who is going through the loss of a dear friend. So Phred with much love a serenade you with my beautiful angelic voice to ease your pain, I also ask everyone that reads this to please visit Phred and give him a little love. Together we can ease his pain. Once again bonus Hugs for the person that knows this song.

Carry on my wayward son,
For there'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Now don't you cry no more

Masquerading as a man with a reason
My charade is the event of the season
And if I claim to be a wise man, it surely
means that I don't know
On a stormy sea of moving emotion
Tossed about I'm like a ship on the ocean
I set a course for winds of fortune, but
I hear the voices say

Carry on, you will always remember
Carry on, nothing equals the splendor
Now your life's no longer empty
Surely heaven waits for you

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Rainbow Moonlove


I am fed up with all this hate and it is time to spread some love. If I want to see hate and anger toward people I will watch the news or read about the Middle East. So Fuzz I am sorry I decline the honor of joining your FOAD and you Kiss My Ass Webring. I respect you and love reading your blog but I can no longer condone the hate. So each week I will serenade a blogger with a heart felt tune of love and inspiration. So call me Rainbow Moonlove because this tune is for you Fuzzy Wuzzy.


When it's love you give - I'll be a man of good faith
Then in love you'll live - I'll make a stand I won't break
I'll be the rock you can build on - Be there when you're old
To have and to hold
When there's love inside - I swear I'll always be strong
Then there's a reason why - I'll prove to you we belong
I'll be the wall that protects you - From the wind and the rain
From the hurt and pain
Let's make it...All for one and all for love
Let the one you hold be the one you want - the one you need
Cuz when it's all for one - it's one for all
When there's someone that should know -Then just let your feelin's show
And make it all for one - and all for love
Let the one you hold be the one you want - the one you need
Cuz when it's all for one - it's one for all
When there's someone that should know -Then just let your feelin's show
When there's someone that ya want -When there's someone that ya need
Let's make it all - all for one - and all for love

Bonus HUGS to the person that knows this song!!

Transgender Inmate

What the fuck is going on these days? Seriously, what the fuck is going on? The ACLU have prisons running so damn scared of lawsuits that they actually allow transgender inmates to receive psychotherapy, hormone shots, and laser hair removal because they are “transgender”. Now get this it’s a possibility they will now get $20,000 sex-change operations paid by, you guessed it tax payers. Well, that is if a Federal Judge sides with Robert Kosilek a convicted murderer and prison lifer. I guess I should call him Michelle because he legally changed his name to it in 1993, but instead I’ll call him Inmate. I thought Inmate would be happy, he gets all the cock he could ever want; I guess he decided he needed another hole for it. Other special perks Inmate gets are lipstick and women’s panties. Hell the government is paying might as well splurge on Victoria Secret! The inmate’s quotes are priceless:

“The greatest loss is the dying I do inside a little bit every day.”
- I guess that’s worse then the actual dying of his wife Cheryl who he murdered in 1990.

"Just the hormones and the makeup do not get rid of my suffering.”
- Wonder how much your wife suffered when you killed her.

Inmate has tried committing suicide twice. Being the heartless conservative I am and seeing how this is Fuck Off and Die Thursday this murdering freak should Fuck off and Die already!

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Me in Heaven?

A few years ago if you asked me where I was going to end up in the after life it would have been a no brainer. I would be the guy having to bend over while Satan shoved a pineapple up my ass. In the last couple of months things have changed. I have a job helping kids and I am even considering taking a few tentative steps toward going to church. I guess getting older and being married makes one go through a religious awaking or something because lately I have been thinking about it quite a bit. The question that’s most on my mind is how does one talk there way into heaven. Here is what I have come up with so far.

ADULTERY WITH SOMEONES WIFE: I think it’s a good idea to be buried with the ex-lovers picture. I bet if you show the Lord a pair of gigantic boobies he will understand the temptation was irresistible. Some of you might say "Hey, Dan God is a woman." to this I say maybe but I bet she is a lesbian and will still totally understand.

INCEST: Point out that in Genesis, the patriarch Lot has a three-way romp with his daughters and the Bible never says what he did was wrong. I bet that guy is up in Heaven, so why not me?

TAKING THE LORD'S NAME IN VAIN: God is not a name. It clearly says in the bible that humans do not posses the understanding or capabilities to say God’s true name. So saying "God Damn!" technically is not breaking the 7th Commandment.

Killing Someone: I know the bible says thou shall not kill, but believe it or not there is an exception for this in the bible. If you and the victim declare war on each other, you're in the clear! So remember before you pull that trigger to say “This is war, bitch.”

Monday, August 21, 2006

Broken

I was flipping the TV at lunch and stopped on CMT after hearing this girls voice. I thought it was a very pretty song. I can't think of anything else to post so I figure it might as well be this. And no I don't regular listen to counrty music and yes occationally I do have a heart.

BROKEN (Lindsey Haun)







Note: It's from an upcoming movie called Broken Bridges. It will probably be the first country album I'll have bought in about 5 years. And if the girl looks familiar IMDB shows she has been in lots of shows including Disney's web surfers that previews movies. I think everyone on the Disney channel longs to be a singer.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Morning Incoherencies

First off I can’t believe “incoherencies” is a word. I thought I made that up, but it’s in spell checker. As you guessed I’m extremely incoherent this morning, more so then usual. Which is pretty bad. I’ve been up 2 ½ hours and still have no idea, what I’m doing out of bed. I’ve washed my face like ten times and yet my eyes still have that crusty sleep stuff forming in the corners. I know I had to have walked to work this morning, yet I don’t remember doing so. However, I do appear to have on all my clothes on and they are not inside out or backwards and my shoes are tied. Maybe I need to be incoherent more often. One other thing I don’t seem to be able to speak this morning. My voice sounds more like a mumble. Kinda like that dude on Fat Albert.

The multitudes are pouring into my office this morning for some reason. The worse part they keep coming back. So I’m curious if my red glazed eyes say “Hey, I’m dying to help you!” or perhaps they say “Yes, come in and tell me your life story.” Because it seems like everyone wants something this morning. Usually when I’m awake no one talks to me until after 10, yet when I can barely decypher what the hell these people are talking about I get assaulted the moment I step into my office. It doesn’t upset me, I’m pretty much indifferent to the world right now. Hell, I’m usually indifferent most of the time. Also, it’s not like my job is that difficult either I can pretty much nod and answer any of their questions on auto pilot. It might help they ask the same questions every few weeks.

Take this mornings round of questions. Someone “accidentally” yanked their keyboard cable out. I stopped asking how the hell you can “accidentally” do this kind of stupid shit several years ago. Forget the fact that most of these people have been working with computers at least ten years. I just politely told them where to stick it. Although, one question was much more difficult “The toner is out on the copier how do I replace it?” I mean I almost had to think on that one. The answer is: follow the instructions on the side of the toner. Ohhh, pretty pictures! Now that I think about it, they might have been trying to get me to do it. Oh well, I can’t read minds. It also seems I’m much more honest in this state, which is strange. I really should not have answered “You annoy me and I am an asshole.” when someone asked why I had taken their e-mail address out of the spam filter. Live and learn right?

This was actually written on Wednesday, I'm just now getting around to post it.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Doing Our Part

After over a year of research your patriotic friends here at West Texas Rocks have come up with a plan to destroy the Al Qaeda. After observing the terrorists actions and habits we have learned this evil terrorist group has a soft spot for gnomes. That's right the everyday common garden gnome that you see out in your neighbors front lawn. Islam is not only infatuated with these little creatures but it turns out the reason most men have beards is because the gnome is an idol to them almost a Demi-God. It is a secret truth that Muhammad actually worships gnomes! With this shocking discovery it will be possible to inflict mass damage and casualties to the Al Qaeda terrorist network. What better cover for an incendiary bomb then a tiny cuddly gnome? These suicide gnomes may be small but by turning them into robots and hiding stores of explosives under their beard they becoming deadly weapons. Just imagine them walking into a crowed terrorist meeting place and….. BAMMM!!

Garden gnomes are so common they would pass right by them and never notice that there is bomb just waiting to go off. This is truly the ultimate way to destroy Al Quada’s moral supports. Destroying the objects they worship will devastate them and force surrender. We need your help though, we do not have enough gnomes to begin this operation so please donate a gnome today and help kill a terrorist.

I leave you with a poem that will soon be sung throughout the land. I did not make up this poem it is merely sung by me and I admit it is sung badly but proudly.

There was a time when Earth was young,
and evil ruled our homes.
No good could save us from our fate,
until the coming of the Gnomes.
Through invention and curiosity,

through fast speech and faster hands,
orcs, ogres, and even trolls,
were forced to flee the lands.
Gnomes, Gnomes,

the heroes of the past.
Gnomes, Gnomes,
never came in last.
Fighters, clerics, magi, and thieves,

they fought in all ways.
Goblins, gnolls, and kobolds,
were slain over many days.
Gnomes, Gnomes,

the heroes of the past.
Gnomes, Gnomes,
never came in last.
As time went by and good was restored,

the Gnomes finally returned home.
The people never forgot,
the power of the Gnomes.
Gnomes, Gnomes,

the heroes of the past.
Gnomes, Gnomes,
never came in last.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Take a Stand

I think it is about time tobacco companies and smokers started fighting back. I am tired of towns and even countries (Canada, Ireland) trying to ban smoking. This is not the first time governments have tried to regulate the citizens behavior and each time a government tries it almost always fails. The people eventually rise up and overthrow the fascist norms and I believe this is the time to do so. With everyone’s help we can bring about a change, join me and stop local municipalities from banning smoking and stop government from raising taxes on tobacco. I am tired of government and people making a quick buck by suing tobacco companies. These people are enjoying tobacco for free! I say it's about time they pay for it. Hear is what people have to say about getting to enjoy tobacco for free. Tim enjoys his hacking cough and reduced lung function. "It makes me seem cool," he bragged. "As for all the phlegm, I can out spit any punk in the bar." He should not be so damn cool for free! Lorraine Wilson, 49, sucks in as much passive smoke as she can. "I enjoy the mainstream variety, which is exhaled by smokers. But my husband, Tim "Iron Lung", prefers side stream smoke, which comes directly from lit cigarettes." Lets send these people and Washington a message. I am filing a class action suit in order to penalize millions of secondhand smokers and the government from enjoying my second smoke. I will be asking for 100 BILLION dollars, mandatory cigarette breaks for all employees, and free health care. If people are not going to buy cigarettes they should not be able to enjoy other people’s smoke! It is a known fact that secondhand smoke is the only answer to fixing the ozone layer and stopping the greenhouse effect. The smoke is responsible for creating a new under lining layer in the atmosphere that helps block out radiation and other harmful products brought on by the sun. That friends is an inconvenient truth. Together we can make a difference!

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

GW Just too Sexy.

I am extremely excited to bring you West Texas Rocks first every photo shoot! Now I know what your thinking, another bikini clad babe. No, friends I've decide to treat you ladies to this special occasion. I know, I sometimes forget about you women. I appreciate your readership, though. So I've decided to pull off the biggest coup of the year, millennium, hell possibly ever. This politically stud gets his party energized and the opponents all hot and bothered. That's right the once great governor of Texas, the commander in chief, the guy that puts the lic in Republican... GEORGE W BUSH!

I told you. AMAZING! GW has been a friend of WTR since it's inception. A man whose guiding light, firm resolve, and unwavering support has helped WTR reach the 50,000 hit milestone. We appreciate his hard work and friendship.

4 MORE YEARS!!!



Click the image to see GW in his first ever WTR pictorial!

Acknowledgements:

"I voted for the shirt before I voted against it!" - Senator John Kery
"It made me wet." - Senator Nancy Pelosi
"Now you understand the kiss!" - Senator Joe Liberman
"The picture started Global Warming in my Pants!" - Al Gore
"We need to bring our boys home! If by boys you mean GW's balls and by home you mean my mouth!" -John Murtha
"The economy is shrinking if you mean economy as room in my pants!" - Teddy Kennedy
"And you thought I was protesting the war. MEOW!" -Cindy Sheehan


Monday, August 07, 2006

E-Mail: A Simple Thank You.

Here is something I never do. Forward E-mails. Yet, I think it goes well with the current crop of posts, and I linke the pictures. Plus, it's Monday give me some slack.

********************************

A Simple Thank You

Last week, while traveling to Chicago on business, I noticed a Marine sergeant traveling with a folded flag, but did not put two and two together. After we boarded our flight, I turned to the sergeant, who'd been invited to sit in First Class (across from me), and inquired if he was heading home.
No, he responded.

Heading out I asked?
No. I'm escorting a soldier home.

Going to pick him up?
No. He is with me right now. He was killed in Iraq. I'm taking him home to his family.

The realization of what he had been asked to do hit me like a punch to the gut. It was an honor for him. He told me that, although he didn't know the soldier, he had delivered the news of his passing to the soldier's family and felt as if he knew them after many conversations in so few days. I turned back to him, extended my hand, and said, Thank you. Thank you for doing what you do so my family and I can do what we do.

Upon landing in Chicago the pilot stopped short of the gate and made the following announcement over the intercom.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to note that we have had the honor of having Sergeant Steeley of the United States Marine Corps join us on this flight. He is escorting a fallen comrade back home to his family. I ask that you please remain in your seats when we open the forward door to allow Sergeant Steeley to deplane and receive his fellow soldier. We will then turn off the seat belt sign."

Without a sound, all went as requested. I noticed the sergeant saluting the casket as it was brought off the plane, and his action made me realize that I am proud to be an American.

So here's a public Thank You to our military Men and Women for what you do so we can live the way we do.

Stuart Margel -- Washington, D.C.

Also, here are two very touching photos honored at this years International Picture of the Year.

First PlaceTodd Heisler The Rocky Mountain News

When 2nd Lt. James Cathey's body arrived at the Reno Airport, Marines climbed into the cargo hold of the plane and draped the flag over his casket as passengers watched the family gather on the tarmac.

During the arrival of another Marine's casket last year at Denver International Airport, Major Steve Beck described the scene as so powerful: "See the people in the windows? They sat right there in the plane, watching those Marines. You gotta wonder what's going through their minds, knowing that they're on the plane that brought him home," he said. "They will remember being on that plane for the rest of their lives. They're going to remember bringing that Marine home. And they should."



Second Place


Todd Heisler The Rocky Mountain News

The night before the burial of her husband's body, Katherine Cathey refused to leave the casket, asking to sleep next to his body for the last time. The Marines made a bed for her, tucking in the sheets below the flag. Before she fell asleep, she opened her laptop computer and played songs that reminded her of 'Cat,' and one of the Marines asked if she wanted them to continue standing watch as she slept. "I think it would be kind of nice if you kept doing it," she said. "I think that's what he would have wanted."


********************************

Friday, August 04, 2006

Taking a Stand



There is a quote by Edmund Burke “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” That is an interesting belief. When you are small parents tell you not to fight, yet stand up for yourself. While schools enforce a policy if you stand up for yourself you are punished with equal force as the person that caused you to fall. These contradictions have caused many to avoid any types of situational confrontations. Not out of fear or lack of conviction, but out of habit. Like all bad habits this must be broken, but it can only be broken thru force of will.

What outraged my sense of, lets call it "righteousness" for lack of a better term? That would be the Westboro Baptist Cult, it disgusts and angers me to know they hide behind a constitutional right of a country they detest and cheer for its demise. Free speech is a cornerstone of our democracy, but we also have the right NOT to listen. That is where the Patriot Guard Riders come in. These honorable men and women have refused to let the insanity of a few tarnish a respectful and sacred ceremony. Why do these men ride?

Why do we do this, you ask?
Why bother to stand out in wind and rain for someone unknown?
Why do we ride through torrents chilled to the bone?
The answer is simple: “Because, Never Again!”

Never again will they return home in shame,
Never again will wearing their uniform cause them pain.
Never again will we forget why they serve.
No, Never Again.

But still I hear you say “Why does it matter to you?”
“They aren’t your friends,
your brothers, your sisters,
your father, your mother.”
War is a sad time for many; it is sad but true.
So, why do you gather in the gap between their families and their foes?
The answer is simple: “Because, Never Again!”

Never again will grieving parents, families and friends alone bear mourning’s toil.
Never again will hard-won freedom of speech be used to debase and destroy.
Never again will their sacrifice be dishonored upon their home soil.
No, Never Again.

Why do we gather, why do we ride?
Why travel this country far and wide?
We remember our grandfathers, fathers, brothers and others yet to come.
We stand proud through tears reflecting their courage and pride.
Because, Never Again.

That’s why we ride.

Written in memory of:
Henry C. Barrows ~ Army, WWI (Great-Uncle)
Cecil A. Bray ~ Army paratrooper, WWII (Father)

In honor of:
Garrett C. Bray ~ Navy, Viet Nam (Brother)
Donald A. Dinsmore ~ Marines & Army (Husband)
and
All Patriot Guard Members

Laurel B. Dinsmore May 8, 2006

So I found myself in that spot yesterday. That spot when you know it’s time to stand up, yet still you hesitate. The spot were you doubt what you’re doing, when you KNOW your 1000% justified. The first thing I did when I found out about the UGs or Uninvited Guests as the Patriot Guard calls them was to spout off. “This is bullshit we should go up there. I’m going up there! Fuck those Douche bags!” After I said this, probably, when I said this I wasn’t going to do anything about it. I was just talking. However, for some stupid reason I kept telling people this, trying perhaps to get them to go. One time after another the people turned it down. You should go up there they would say. "I wish I could, but I have this thing I have to do. " and "Yeah, that’s awesome you should go up there." The more I talked the more I knew I was going to have to do it. Like in most situations the thought of having to actual converse with unknown people quickly turned my stomach. Then added in with anxiety of all social interaction was that possible fear of confrontation, the doubts were practically screaming. I knew at this point I would have to go even if it was alone, fortunately I did not have to do this. There was one person who would go with me and knowing that one person was behind me gave me enough courage to face that anxiety and fear.

So yesterday evening my brother and I went to lend aid to the Patriot Guard Riders and show our respects to the Valez family and their son. However, it was more then showing respect to a fallen soldier. It was showing that we cared for all our troops that had given that last good measure. It was showing respect to a country that I love and all the people that have made sacrifices big and small to it. It was showing compassion to another human being. It was saying, I’m sorry for your loss and I love you for it.

So as I stood holding the flag of the United States of America, I realized what it meant to be a good citizen, a decent human being, and compassionate man. I will forever be indebted to Army Spc. Andrew Velez for that.

Special Guest Post: Defending Freedom

I was unable to find the church last night, but held my flag at the second location. A guy I work with I'll call him BH that lives in Lubbock was able to drive by and has graciously accepted my pleas for a report. Thanks BH for writing this up for me it is appreciated.


****************************************


This is an eyewitness report at the demonstration of the Westboro Baptist Church at the funeral services of Army specialist Andrew Velez at First Church of the Nazarene in Southwest Lubbock.


I drove by the Church at about 6:15 and there were hundreds of people in support of the Velez family in front of the Church. There was a large group of people holding American flags and they formed two lines along the street where the Velez family drove up to the church. There was no way the family would have to see the protestors. I drove by all the people supporting the family and then across Chicago Avenue, the street across from the Church the protestors were standing. I was really surprised that there were not more of them. There were a couple of adults and then mainly children around Jr. High/High School age. They were holding signs and yelling. Cars were driving by honking and yelling at the protestors and showing their displeasure by telling them that “They were number 1”. There were LPD officers all over the place to keep the peace. It was a pretty crazy site to see in person. It is a shame that there are people in this world that would like to make someone’s funeral miserable for their grieving family much less the celebration of the life of a U.S. soldier.

****************************************

Story and video from the Local News.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

West Texas Mourns


The Valez family in Lubbock lost their second son in Iraq. No family should have to endure the loss of a loved one in war; to lose a second seems cruel. I cannot image the feeing this family is going thru or the sacrifice they now endure. The courage, bravery, and selflessness of the Valez family is to only be commended but to be marveled. No words can express one's sympathy and compassion we all share for their loss. Thank you, Army Spc. Andrew Velez and Army Cpl. Jose A. Velez for being not only great Americans, but citizens and heroes worthy of the highest admiration and the honor.

Read the yahoo story here.

How could a human being make this tragedy any worse? Well, the Westboro Baptist Cult can. These miserable sacks of shit and total waste of human life has decided to protest the funeral. Yes, the God Hates Fags, inbreeded, douche bags have decided to make a statement out of this funeral. I only wish that their parents had believed in abortion so that a clothes hanger could have taken care of them before a poor doctor pulled them from that nasty vagina and spanked there wretched ass. I learned this afternoon that the funeral of this brave man is being held this evening. The family is getting help from another group called the Patriotic Guard. They are a group of 300 to 500 motorcycle riders that come and park in front of these mother fuckers holding flags and using their bikes to drown out the screeching harpies.

Here is the story in the local news.

If I can I will join the Patriotic Guard this evening the staging starts at 5:30 but the service starts around 7 at the First Church of the Nazerene, 6110 Chicago Ave. Lubbock TX. I’m an hour and a half from Lubbock and don’t get off until 5 so I may be cutting close. If you are a blogger in West Texas and you can attend, be sure too. If you can’t I’m sure your hearts will go out for the Valez family and your finger will go up for the cult.

Mental Warfare




Well it looks like fantasy Football is going to begin pretty soon and this is for all my compition. In the words of the evil Dr. Will "I Hate You ALL!!"

Just a quick update.

Thought I'd give you just a quick update on my plans for the daily motivation, since it's my fovorite part of this site. Today is the last GI-Joe motivation. Tommarrow will be Voltron and next week I'll start in on Thundercats, then Tansformers, and He-Man. Added to the list are Smurfs, Snorkels, Dungeon and Dragons, and Land of the Lost. If you would like to vote for a saturday morning toon that predates the 80s or one I might have missed. Then let your voice be heard.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Cowboy Spaghetti

We’re in the kitchen again here at West Texas Rocks. That’s where fat people like to stay. In front of the stove or refrigerator. Seeing as I’m a bachelor I have to do my own cooking, well at least when I’m not sponging of my parents, brothers, or any other place that offers free food. I watch the food network occationally, they teach you cool shit on that show like how to peel garlic the easy way and various other cooking techniques. Considering I have no idea what the hell I’m doing this is a good thing. While watching the food network I came across a recipe for cowboy spaghetti. So let’s go over this recipe and how I followed it. I took the pictures on my Treo 650 so they’re not the best quality, hopefully it doesn’t look disgusting.

note: I decided I didn't like the pictures so I just left the beer one.

Alright it was time to go to the small town grocery store to pick up the ingredients.
• 1 pound spaghetti (easy enough)
• Salt (Sweet this one says HOT salt. Lets try it.)
• 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil (I thought maybe some whore virgin olive oil would spice it up, but I couldn’t find any.)
• 3 slices smoky bacon
• 1 pound ground sirloin (How about just some hamburger meat smart ass!)
• 1 medium onion (I can steal one from my parents garden)
• 3 to 4 cloves garlic
• Ground black pepper (Check it out, pizza pepper flakes!)
• 2 teaspoons hot sauce (How about half a cup of Tabasco and two teaspoons of Louisiana chipotle)
• 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
• 1/2 cup beer (What my beer? I’ll steal one from Dad.)
• 1 can crushed fire roasted tomatoes (Fancy bastard how about some plain crushed tomatoes?)
• 1 can, tomato sauce
• 8 ounces sharp Cheddar (I love Cheese)
• 4 scallions (Sweet, I’ll steal this too from my parents garden.)

What no garlic bread? Are you commies? I’ll grab some cheesy garlic bread. mmmm cheesy toasted garlic bread. I know I’ll add some jalapeƱos too.

So now we’re set. Let’s see if I can follow directions.

Heat a pot of water to a boil. (Shit, this ain’t no thing.)

Add spaghetti and salt the water. Cook to al dente or with a bite to it. (What the fuck does al dente mean. I bet it means add hot sauce and I have that HOT salt. I’m a fucking genius!)

Heat a deep skillet over medium-high heat. (I got this covered!)

Add extra-virgin olive oil and bacon. Brown and crisp bacon, 5 minutes, remove with a slotted spoon. (Also make sure to umm... taste test the bacon.)

Drain off a little excess fat if necessary. Leave just enough to coat the bottom of the skillet. (mmmmmm fat…)

Add beef and crumble it as it browns, 3 to 4 minutes. (Can you not say hamburger meat?)

Chop onions, garlic and stir into meat (chop and add a few jalapeƱos too.). Season the meat with salt and pepper, hot sauce and Worcestershire. (Kill me with the directions all ready.)

Add 1/2 cup beer (to belly pour the rest in skillet) and deglaze the pan. (What does deglaze mean? I’ll skip this step.)

Cook 5 to 6 minutes more then stir in tomatoes and tomato sauce.

Add hot spaghetti to meat and sauce and combine.

Adjust seasonings and serve up pasta in shallow bowls. (Time to eat! I know, I’ll call dad he’ll eat anything!)

Grate some cheese over the pasta and sprinkle with scallions. Garnish with crisp bacon. (I was supposed to take the bacon out of the pan? Fuck! Oh well, it’s all going to the same place.)

Even though I didn’t know what al dente meant or how to deglaze a pan it turned out to be CRAZY TASTY! My lips had a nice burn to them after eating this stuff. So make sure you can handle hot foods. This is for fire eaters!



Till next time!

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

New Record Holder

For those of you that don’t know. I work at the local ISP. We offer, Dial-Up, DSL, IPTV, Phone, cell service all that communication crap. I am in the “computer” department, which basically means I do anything related to computers or Internet related. One of my job functions is computer repairs. Now, I like keeping records of computers, kind of like the Olympics. My records though are geekier. Records like most virus infections, most spyware, biggest moron, best asshole/bitch, but the most coveted record is “NASTIEST” computer. Now I’ve seen some real winners. The coke stains, the ten years of dust bunnies, and two inch coatings of nicotine, even the occasional roach. Today, I’m disgusted to announce we have a new winner. Yes, the previous amazing nicotine machine I affectionately named "Nicotine Dreams" was replaced. It is quite the sad day for you smokers. I would have thought that machine would have lasted, but alas all things come to an end. Let me give a final send-off to this glorious machine before I crown the new champion.

Farewell Nicotine Dreams

Nicotine Dreams you were a great competitor a true sportsman. You revolutionized your style with hard work, long hours, and dedication. To think of the 2 ½ inch nicotine coating you inner case and cards. Very impressive! I remember vividly having to scrape that nicotine PCI slot to remove the modem. That dingy yellow color that gave me a high after caring you back to the bench. How coworkers complained to management of the nicotine that you permeated throughout the building causing me to set up a workstation in the warehouse to finish repairs. You were a true champion of the highest accord, I salute you. You will always be in my heart, but sadly I must give your crown to a new challenger. I champion who may, like you stand the test time. I introduce… H.P. Roach!

H.P. Roach New Champion

HP Roach I could smell you before I touched you, that nauseating **schmegma-roach-nicotine aroma. How I detested having to touch you. The retches that then proceeded as a your stench suffocated my nostrils. How I nearly threw you and ran to their nearest HASMAT station for decontamination after one of your occupants graciously left the pavilion welcoming me by crawling on my hand. How your sticky coke stained case gently stayed my hand as I prayed it off. It was amazing how you made me run to the restroom to watch my hands till they bleed, just for simply having to simply touch you. The hour memory I'll have of cleaning and scraping the entire roach sewer that is the back panel of your case. The clouds of dead and live roaches with a five year build up of dust that spread to the four corners of the world when I took that high pressure hose and determinately and systematically purified your inner workings only to be left with a 1/3 inch nicotine coating. H.P. Roach you are truly amazing as I thought to pour gasoline on you and throw a match to burn the satanic demon you are. After having to contain the thought I began the repair removing your lighting damaged modem and sadly sending a poor defenseless newbie to its eventual death. May I never have to see you again and hopefully the nightmares of your life will leave me. H.P. Roach I sincerely pray to never see your better!

**Schmegma - Sticky substance formed in the uncircumcised skin of the penis due to poor hygine.