Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Preacher Man



Big D stop being so lazy and post something!

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Transformers - Gay Robots



I'm sure many fanboys (homosexuals and queers) will be delighted by what Michael Bay has done to update the Transformers mythos (basically, that means incorporating A-level special effects and blowing lots of things up). On the other hand, those with no particular emotional attachment to the toys will find this movie a big steaming pile of shit. This movie is essentially one long product placement.
Thus far, the summer of 2007 has been full of very loud, very unsatisfying action movies. Transformers tops them all - it's louder, flashier, and more hollow than anything else out there. At 135 minutes, it drags - sometimes painfully so (I fell asleep). The movie is top-heavy with exposition, and the only decent action scenes occur in the final 25 minute. The characters are so poorly developed and the Transformers so singularly uninteresting that the question of who wins or loses doesn't matter and we are humans so you would think I would want not to be destroyed. All the effort behind Transformers went into making the robots look cool; nothing went into developing a compelling storyline or even make you care about the characters. Even the headline bout between Optimus Prime and Megatron is pedestrian - two big metallic monsters slugging it out while the camera spins around them as if out of control. It's kind of reminiscent of the Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots going at it (I think I would have rather seen a movie about them).
The only redeeming quality aboout this movie is LaBeouf's performance it is charming and earnest but he never made me care about Sam. The intent is to make this an average guy who becomes heroic after being thrust into extraordinary circumstances, but the movie doesn't get us there.
Transformers is a jumble of the good, the bad, and the ugly, with the latter two categories outweighing the former. The film has a lot of nice touches (such as the opening attack in Qatar, where there is a sense of danger, and the John Hughes-inspired introduction of Sam), but the meat of the story is plodding, recycled sci-fi drivel.
Yes, there are plenty of explosions, but those are a dime-a-dozen these days; even Discovery Channel's Mythbusters has them. Transformers isn't clean, big-budget fun; it's clean, big-budget tedium. For Transformers fans, I suppose this is a dream motion picture. For everyone else, it's a nightmare.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Cock Fighting


Louisiana is set to ban cock fighting in 2008. This has to be hard on people that spent hours and hours training their cock for that special event. Alas, Louisianans can no more spend those late nights oiling up that big cock polishing it for the next day’s adventure. The once muscular proud fighting cock will become limp, pale, and depressed. Not wanting to rise in the morning or even stand erect as hens flaunt pass. The once active cock will merely wish to hang around never getting up no matter how hard the owner beats it. Some may think it’s saddest for the large cocks as that as their purpose. To enter the ring and come out victorious as it crows and spits, but what about that smaller cock whose endurance and stamina is spectacular, that little small agile cock stabbing in and out and in and out as building to the climax of the fight before finally screaming out for release. I am sorry for these proud cocks and for their grieving owners and their wives and daughters, because remember THIS is Louisiana.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Jessica Alba talks Womens Lib




The Fantastic Four movie did not completely suck this is cause for celebration here at West Texas Rocks.

"Jessica Alba wants to have sex in a whole lot of different ways and with a whole lot of different guys. No, this is not a dream of mine, it's really the truth. The open minded actress has admitted that she likes to experiment with different sexual situations and partners, and that she's kind of into one-night-stands." -G4 Website


Click here for the full story!

Thursday, June 21, 2007

American Hero - Bob Barker





Today I salute a nineteen time Emmy Award winning game show host, Bob Baker.The man, the myth, the legend has just concluded a 50 year television career and 35 years as host of The Price is Right.





Remember to get your pet spade and neutered, Bob knew first hand about animal instincts and getting wild and crazy. Bob is a true pimp having nailed most of his barker beauties. Including Dian Parkinson and Janice Pennington. In the words of Bob himself, "As God is my witness I never asked her to do anything she didn't want to do." Which of course included the donkey Punches, golden showers, and the infamous Cleveland Steamer.





And who can forget the ass whipping he gave Happy Gilmore. I for one had no idea that Bob is one old fucker you do not want to mess with. For all these reasons and because he decided to retire before he collapsed of old age on stage, I salute you Bob Barker.


You can go to youtube here if you want to watch the entire fight scene.



Monday, June 18, 2007

Cooking with Potter - ButterBeer


Butterbeer
It warms you up AND tastes great. Now in take-away form from The Three Broomsticks.


Ingredients:



  • 1 cup (8 oz) club soda or cream soda

  • ½ cup (4 oz) butterscotch syrup (ice cream topping)

  • ½ tablespoon butter

Directions:



  1. Measure butterscotch and butter into a 2 cup (16 oz) glass. Microwave on high for 1 to 1½ minutes, or until syrup is bubbly and butter is completely incorporated.

  2. Stir and cool for 30 seconds, then slowly mix in club soda. Mixture will fizz quite a bit.

  3. Serve in two coffee mugs or small glasses; a perfectly warm Hogwarts treat for two!

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Strength From the Bible

With all kinds of job interviews and the crazy shit that has been happening to myself and my family this last month I have turned to the only thing that can get me through this trying time. May the Lord have mercy on the ones I love and smite my enemies with a thousand biting camel fleas.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

5 Favorite Places to Mooch Food.

Fuzz Tagged Crazy Dan and I on the food places to eat and because Fuzz and Dan took all the places I eat (Ponderosa, Los Olivarez, Furr’s, Texas Road House, and Wienerschnitzel) I’m going to change it to favorite places to mooch food. Why go out and pay for food when I can get for free.

Moms & Dads
I love mooching food at mom & dad’s house, mainly because it’s easy and convenient. Sure most of the time it’s a sandwich, but sometimes it can be meatloaf, tacos, or occasionally a nice big steak and baked potato. If Dad’s cooking it’s either awesome fried chicken or something kissed by fire. I love BBQ season!

Fuzz’s House.
Poor Fuzz is never off on the weekends anymore so mooching has been rare of late. However, summer is mooching is in season at Fuzzes house. Stop by anytime he is off and he will delight your taste buds with some ribs, brisket, or hot links and seeing how Fuzz is really just a big softy he lets everyone mooch so no need being just family. I would be remiss if I forget to mention the free entertainment. That’s half the fun right there! Fuzz and Angry Joyce have a standup act including comedy and juggling that is all the rage at the local PD. That is if you consider juggling, throwing heavy objects as hard as you can at each other and comedy, screaming profane four letter words at the top of your lungs at each other comedy and I for one do!

Break Room Birthdays
One day every month people are encouraged to bring food in to celebrate peoples birthdays that month. Smells like a free lunch to me. Usually it’s just cakes, cookies, and muffins, but occasional you have the odd meatball, or BBQ little smokies. I accidentally found myself in the break room surrounded by pregnant women, a very scary experience, but not to be left out. I mentioned that I too was pregnant. Everyone looked shocked when I revealed I was having a baby boy… A baby boy elephant and damn his trunk was getting long!

BBQ Cookoffs
Texans love to BBQ and love to compete. If you make your way over to one of these contests you can delight in the sport as a professional moocher or you can be truly sly and find yourself as a judge. The judge gets a taste of everything without having to walk around, that’s right it’s brought to you, and of course free beer!! Don’t forget it’s required to down one beer after ever entry. No need about worrying about a designated driver just make you way into the back of someone truck and they will politely dump you on your front lawn. Pffft, and you thought southern gentlemen were a thing of the past.

Church Potlucks
Nothing says good cooking like blue haired old ladies praying for death. Most of these old ladies recipes well be going to the grave with them so it would be a sin not to enjoy them now. Just be careful in line I kicked a cane once to get first in line and she fell over and broke her hip, last time she was at pot luck and the last time I got to taste her killer cornbread .

Monday, June 04, 2007

Tagged: FOOD


Since I am bored and have nothing better to do I figure I will take Fuzz's challenge and try to name 5 great places to eat. I have to commend my brother that was an awesome list of places to eat and I will try to do my best to add to that. In no particular order here are 5 places I like to eat.


The Big Texan (Amarillo, TX)

The Big Texan Steak Ranch is most famous for it's free 72 oz. steak dinner You eat at wooden tables and get to watch your food cooked on an open grill. One interesting thing about going there is that all the server have to dress like cowboys and cowgirls and nothing makes me happier then getting to watch other misery. So there is always good entertainment especially if you pretend your not from Texas and ask stupid questions to annoy the staff, plus there is live music and dancing, on Wednesday they will even teach you how to play Texas Hold'em or you can be in a tournament if you got the skills (sadly no real gambling). The 72 oz. steak dinner is free if you eat it in one hour, the only catch is you have to eat the salad too. An interesting note is that The Big Texan Steak Ranch was on MAXIM Magazine’s list of Top 10 Steak Houses in America!


Dicks Last Resort (Chicago, IL)

If you’ve never been to Dick’s, you are in for a surprise the minute you walk in the door. If you wear a tie, the person greeting you at the door will literally cut it off with a scissors. “No ties allowed” standard of dress. The “host” will also greet you by insulting you and your party – be mindful that colorful language may be used in the salutation. Upon being seated, you continue to get the picture that this is not your average restaurant/tavern. Your server will introduce themselves and proceed to insult you, me I just talk shit right back especially after a couple of Dick’s Big Ass Beers you even get to keep the glass, and you can get your food ordered in a bucket which is good because I don't have table manners any way. I told the waitress that my friend needed a nipple for his beer beer because he was nursing it , the waitress grabbed on to one of her breasts and raised it in his direction; you just can't beat service like that!


The Boiling Pot (Rockport, TX)

Driving up this place it looked more like a warehouse but if you look closely at it you will realize that a lot of work has gone into giving this place and everyone that comes can write there name on the building. As you walk in you may see two or there attractively dressed young ladies, in shorty shorts and a T-Shirt. I thought of Hooters, but really its not that at all, more like the girl next door at the bake sale with her sleeves rolled up. Then your server comes along and puts big bright disposable lobster bibs on everyone and that tells you your in for a messy time. We tried the Cajun Combo which is a half pound of polish sausage, half pound shrimp (we ordered extra), four spicy sweet corn half cobs, and if I recall a couple of blue crab claws. All were boiled nicely in the same pot with in a spicy handful of herbs, and the server took pride in the ritual dumping of the drained food in the middle of our table. I enjoyed the hell out of the food and so did my wife except she could not handle having to rip the head off her shrimp and made me doing all the shrimp cleaning.


Johnny Carino's (Anywhere, USA)

I do not know a lot about Italian food so I will not attempt to critic actual Italian food but I love the Italian Nachos, which have chips similar to Nacho chips but slightly lighter, topped with banana peppers, jalapenos, cheese, cream sauce, olives, and chicken and/or sausage.


Wienerschnitzel (Fast Food Chain)

Wienerschnitzel locations are almost entirely limited to California, Texas, and the Southwest. Who have to love a place whose mascot is a chili dog that runs around trying not to get eaten and there great advertising slogan of take the chili dog diet (No wonder I am a fat ass). Nothing says CRAZY TASTY quite like a number 5 chili dog, chili burger, and chili fires. If your ever at the Bell location in Amarillo if you use the phrase "and don't ejaculated in my chili" they use a different pot of chili, not sure if that is a good thing or not.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Potter Mania



I can no longer contain the nerd inside Harry Potter Mania has taken over my life, I must apologize to my loving wife for having to put up with me.


I was never an Angel, feared by some hated by others I was on the path to self-destruction. That has all changed though, thanks to the support and incouragement of Albus Dumbledore. Instead of being a devil maybe I learn what it means to be human. Thanks to the help my new mentor I became a Professor at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry, where I teach Muggle Studies and assist with Defense Against the Dark Arts.


"The Dark Arts are many, varied, ever-changing and eternal. Fighting them is like fighting a many-headed monster, which, each time a neck is severed, sprouts a head even fiercer and cleverer than before. You are fighting that which is unfixed, mutating, indestructible." - Severus Snape

Friday, April 13, 2007

Leadership

Benny: The Man on the Bus

I`ve been taking a public bus for years. No one ever talked to anyone else. About a year ago, an elderly man got on the bus and said loudly to the driver, "Good morning!"

Most people looked up annoyed. The bus driver just grunted.

The next day, the man got on at the same stop and again said loudly to the driver, "Good morning!"

By the fifth day, the driver greeted the man with his own "Good morning."

The man answered loudly, "My name`s Benny. What`s yours?"

The driver replied, "I`m Ralph."

That was the first time any of us had heard the driver`s name. The next day, Benny extended his "Good morning!" to the whole bus. Within a few days, others were saying it to Ralph when they got on the bus, and Benny`s regular greeting was returned by a whole bunch of "Good morning!" responses. People began to talk to each other. The bus was friendlier.

If a leader is someone who makes something happen, Benny was our leader in friendliness.

A month ago, he didn`t get on the bus anymore. Some of us thought he had died. No one knew what to do. The bus got awful quiet again. So I started to act like Benny and said, "Good morning!" to everyone, and they cheered up again.

I guess now I`m the leader.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

The Cult of norris

In the world where one God reigns, one man has risen above the rest to cement his place in legend as a living man god. Yes, you know of whom I speak. The mere mention of his name drives both fear and hope in your heart, Chuck Norris. We have all read the thirty facts of the man-god Norris. However, separating legend from fact is difficult task for Norris supporters and a few petty squabbles may divide a legion of committed supporters.



Vigilance must play a key role to Norrisites as time moves forward. Spreading false rumors like the one below should be immediately corrected. The purveyor suffering the penalty of a round house kick to the face.

“Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the
speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was
flying over the Pacific Ocean.”

This is easily a false rumor as Chuck Norris never loses control of his almighty Round-House kick and a Round-House kick of that magnitude would echo across the planet immediately warning the populace of Chuck Norris’s displeasure.

Staying vigilant, however, should not prevent the faithful from spreading the word of truth. For we know some facts such as;

“There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.”

When a legend such as;

“Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.”

Is being discussed it must be kept civil with minimal round house kicks used. If neither side can come to an agreement then the best fighters will begin to a series of back and forth round house kicks until one is unable to stand. We must not allow the combatants to kill as that will dwindle down the chosen, displeasing Norris.

AS followers of the righteous path we must be aware of new threats to the great Norris. How long will Norris be able to lay claim as the ultimate power with new supermen like The Hoff and Vin Diesel following the road Norris paved? The tribe of Norris must stay united. Centuries from now will your descendants be attending the First Church of Norris or will the Hoffians and Dieselians join forces to overthrow us creating a society of slow-motion, bald headed people. When the final crusade comes, will you stand firm as a Sidekick or stray to siren voice of David Hasselhoff and the golden shine of a Bald-Head Vin Diesel?

Saturday, March 17, 2007


We do not post much anymore but just thought I would say we are out for St. Patrick's Day!

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Harry Potter and Deathly Hallows

Hell yeah HP fans it is time to celebrate the last and final book is set to be released. The date has just been reported and it is going to be let loose on Saturday, July 21,2007. Will Harry live or die. We are months mere months away from knowing!

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Fear the Reaper


Blue Oyster cult was wrong it’s time to fear the Reaper. This new replacement for the predator drone packs more of a punch then the F-16 fighter jet and the pilot is safe at home scratching his or her balls. The Reaper is scheduled to replace the old fighter jet so NO longer is your Playstation, X-box, or Nintendo a childs toy, it’s a sophisticated military training device. Let’s just hope the military doesn’t also create SkyNet and lead us to Judgment Day. Otherwise it’s more crappy Terminator sequels for all of us!


Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Is Work That Important


The same damn question keeps plaguing my marriage over and over again. "Why do you spend more time at work than you do with me." I admit that I do spend more time in work mode then I do in husband mode but I just don't know any other way to be.

These kids have to know that I am the hammer. They need to fear my power, respect my authority, and trust everything that I tell them. At the same time they should feel they can trust me with their problems, fears, and anything they might want to share. Those are my job duties and building up enough rapport for these kids to trust and fear me like that is not something that's easy to do and I can't accomplish it just working eight to five.

At work I communicate in all different kinds of ways like chit chatting, showing emotion, showing interest, providing feedback, stating how I feel, showing appreciation, listening to both sides, being expressive, being meaningful, and being able to evaluate things without jumping to conclusions. So knowing that I can communicate in all these ways, why is it that when I am asked if the jeans look good on her I stand there dumb founded like I don't even know what jeans are? At work, I am never satisfied with an average performance, but at home I usually am and then I fall asleep.

So why do I not put in the same effort in our relationship, the quick and obvious explanation is that I take my wife for granted and know that she is going to always be there when I need her. In fact, that very sense of security is what I treasure most about our marriage. There are some other reasons why I put more time and effort into my work than I do into my marriage. One of those is that I want to be that man: I am competing against lots of other people for jobs, for raises, for respect and my competitive nature drives me to want to be the best out of all the others. Another one is that to me not working equals weakness: the sociologist Warren Farrell has written that men see that career success is a measure of their personal worth and I want to feel that I have accomplished something with my life.

In closing I am sorry that I do not spend enough time at home or put enough effort into our marriage but it is not because I don't love my wife. It is just because I am driven to be something more than I am now.

Monday, January 22, 2007

Ninja Way

'myspace

Since I have nothing but time on my hands today thanks to the storm storm that piled 8 inches of snow on the road,. I thought I would study the way of the ninja. The first step of learning the ninja way is to uncover your way of the ninja. Whats your way of the ninja?

Friday, January 19, 2007

Swiki

I added a Swiki to the blog. Yeah, I never heard of them either, but our friend from Blogs Are For Wusses recommended it and said it would help his Blog out if we used it. A Swiki is basically a search engine. Like the word Wiki and new Web 2.0 applications it is an interactive and a user controlled experience. Knowing we share the same kind of pervs on our sites you can guess what the majority of the searches are going to be about.

Monday, January 08, 2007

We Are Marshall


We Are Marshall a chick flick for guys. In 1969 Marshall University lost 55 football players, almost the entire coaching staff and several other members of the community bringing the death total to 75 in a fiery plane crash. This movie covers that fateful day, the rebuilding of the program, and the struggle of the survivors. The movie was well written and the acting was suburb. The movie is not so much about football as it is about the lives of the people left behind. You cheer for Marshall, but for the most part you cry with them. In a theater packed with guys it was strange to hear sniffles or the fake cough to covering it up. I will admit a few tears touched my cheeks as I faced a losing battle holding them back. I dare anybody to not let at least a few fall as Ruffin breaks down or Coach Rhett falls apart. If you don’t get a little choked up you have no heart. The movie was stellar and was more an experience then an actually movie screening. I recommend the movie highly, but beware you will tear up and plan accordingly. Your girlfriend may appreciate seeing your sensitive side or she may just laugh at you. In the end you’ll know

We are…. MARSHALL!