Thursday, June 28, 2007

Cock Fighting


Louisiana is set to ban cock fighting in 2008. This has to be hard on people that spent hours and hours training their cock for that special event. Alas, Louisianans can no more spend those late nights oiling up that big cock polishing it for the next day’s adventure. The once muscular proud fighting cock will become limp, pale, and depressed. Not wanting to rise in the morning or even stand erect as hens flaunt pass. The once active cock will merely wish to hang around never getting up no matter how hard the owner beats it. Some may think it’s saddest for the large cocks as that as their purpose. To enter the ring and come out victorious as it crows and spits, but what about that smaller cock whose endurance and stamina is spectacular, that little small agile cock stabbing in and out and in and out as building to the climax of the fight before finally screaming out for release. I am sorry for these proud cocks and for their grieving owners and their wives and daughters, because remember THIS is Louisiana.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Jessica Alba talks Womens Lib




The Fantastic Four movie did not completely suck this is cause for celebration here at West Texas Rocks.

"Jessica Alba wants to have sex in a whole lot of different ways and with a whole lot of different guys. No, this is not a dream of mine, it's really the truth. The open minded actress has admitted that she likes to experiment with different sexual situations and partners, and that she's kind of into one-night-stands." -G4 Website


Click here for the full story!

Thursday, June 21, 2007

American Hero - Bob Barker





Today I salute a nineteen time Emmy Award winning game show host, Bob Baker.The man, the myth, the legend has just concluded a 50 year television career and 35 years as host of The Price is Right.





Remember to get your pet spade and neutered, Bob knew first hand about animal instincts and getting wild and crazy. Bob is a true pimp having nailed most of his barker beauties. Including Dian Parkinson and Janice Pennington. In the words of Bob himself, "As God is my witness I never asked her to do anything she didn't want to do." Which of course included the donkey Punches, golden showers, and the infamous Cleveland Steamer.





And who can forget the ass whipping he gave Happy Gilmore. I for one had no idea that Bob is one old fucker you do not want to mess with. For all these reasons and because he decided to retire before he collapsed of old age on stage, I salute you Bob Barker.


You can go to youtube here if you want to watch the entire fight scene.



Monday, June 18, 2007

Cooking with Potter - ButterBeer


Butterbeer
It warms you up AND tastes great. Now in take-away form from The Three Broomsticks.


Ingredients:



  • 1 cup (8 oz) club soda or cream soda

  • ½ cup (4 oz) butterscotch syrup (ice cream topping)

  • ½ tablespoon butter

Directions:



  1. Measure butterscotch and butter into a 2 cup (16 oz) glass. Microwave on high for 1 to 1½ minutes, or until syrup is bubbly and butter is completely incorporated.

  2. Stir and cool for 30 seconds, then slowly mix in club soda. Mixture will fizz quite a bit.

  3. Serve in two coffee mugs or small glasses; a perfectly warm Hogwarts treat for two!

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Strength From the Bible

With all kinds of job interviews and the crazy shit that has been happening to myself and my family this last month I have turned to the only thing that can get me through this trying time. May the Lord have mercy on the ones I love and smite my enemies with a thousand biting camel fleas.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

5 Favorite Places to Mooch Food.

Fuzz Tagged Crazy Dan and I on the food places to eat and because Fuzz and Dan took all the places I eat (Ponderosa, Los Olivarez, Furr’s, Texas Road House, and Wienerschnitzel) I’m going to change it to favorite places to mooch food. Why go out and pay for food when I can get for free.

Moms & Dads
I love mooching food at mom & dad’s house, mainly because it’s easy and convenient. Sure most of the time it’s a sandwich, but sometimes it can be meatloaf, tacos, or occasionally a nice big steak and baked potato. If Dad’s cooking it’s either awesome fried chicken or something kissed by fire. I love BBQ season!

Fuzz’s House.
Poor Fuzz is never off on the weekends anymore so mooching has been rare of late. However, summer is mooching is in season at Fuzzes house. Stop by anytime he is off and he will delight your taste buds with some ribs, brisket, or hot links and seeing how Fuzz is really just a big softy he lets everyone mooch so no need being just family. I would be remiss if I forget to mention the free entertainment. That’s half the fun right there! Fuzz and Angry Joyce have a standup act including comedy and juggling that is all the rage at the local PD. That is if you consider juggling, throwing heavy objects as hard as you can at each other and comedy, screaming profane four letter words at the top of your lungs at each other comedy and I for one do!

Break Room Birthdays
One day every month people are encouraged to bring food in to celebrate peoples birthdays that month. Smells like a free lunch to me. Usually it’s just cakes, cookies, and muffins, but occasional you have the odd meatball, or BBQ little smokies. I accidentally found myself in the break room surrounded by pregnant women, a very scary experience, but not to be left out. I mentioned that I too was pregnant. Everyone looked shocked when I revealed I was having a baby boy… A baby boy elephant and damn his trunk was getting long!

BBQ Cookoffs
Texans love to BBQ and love to compete. If you make your way over to one of these contests you can delight in the sport as a professional moocher or you can be truly sly and find yourself as a judge. The judge gets a taste of everything without having to walk around, that’s right it’s brought to you, and of course free beer!! Don’t forget it’s required to down one beer after ever entry. No need about worrying about a designated driver just make you way into the back of someone truck and they will politely dump you on your front lawn. Pffft, and you thought southern gentlemen were a thing of the past.

Church Potlucks
Nothing says good cooking like blue haired old ladies praying for death. Most of these old ladies recipes well be going to the grave with them so it would be a sin not to enjoy them now. Just be careful in line I kicked a cane once to get first in line and she fell over and broke her hip, last time she was at pot luck and the last time I got to taste her killer cornbread .

Monday, June 04, 2007

Tagged: FOOD


Since I am bored and have nothing better to do I figure I will take Fuzz's challenge and try to name 5 great places to eat. I have to commend my brother that was an awesome list of places to eat and I will try to do my best to add to that. In no particular order here are 5 places I like to eat.


The Big Texan (Amarillo, TX)

The Big Texan Steak Ranch is most famous for it's free 72 oz. steak dinner You eat at wooden tables and get to watch your food cooked on an open grill. One interesting thing about going there is that all the server have to dress like cowboys and cowgirls and nothing makes me happier then getting to watch other misery. So there is always good entertainment especially if you pretend your not from Texas and ask stupid questions to annoy the staff, plus there is live music and dancing, on Wednesday they will even teach you how to play Texas Hold'em or you can be in a tournament if you got the skills (sadly no real gambling). The 72 oz. steak dinner is free if you eat it in one hour, the only catch is you have to eat the salad too. An interesting note is that The Big Texan Steak Ranch was on MAXIM Magazine’s list of Top 10 Steak Houses in America!


Dicks Last Resort (Chicago, IL)

If you’ve never been to Dick’s, you are in for a surprise the minute you walk in the door. If you wear a tie, the person greeting you at the door will literally cut it off with a scissors. “No ties allowed” standard of dress. The “host” will also greet you by insulting you and your party – be mindful that colorful language may be used in the salutation. Upon being seated, you continue to get the picture that this is not your average restaurant/tavern. Your server will introduce themselves and proceed to insult you, me I just talk shit right back especially after a couple of Dick’s Big Ass Beers you even get to keep the glass, and you can get your food ordered in a bucket which is good because I don't have table manners any way. I told the waitress that my friend needed a nipple for his beer beer because he was nursing it , the waitress grabbed on to one of her breasts and raised it in his direction; you just can't beat service like that!


The Boiling Pot (Rockport, TX)

Driving up this place it looked more like a warehouse but if you look closely at it you will realize that a lot of work has gone into giving this place and everyone that comes can write there name on the building. As you walk in you may see two or there attractively dressed young ladies, in shorty shorts and a T-Shirt. I thought of Hooters, but really its not that at all, more like the girl next door at the bake sale with her sleeves rolled up. Then your server comes along and puts big bright disposable lobster bibs on everyone and that tells you your in for a messy time. We tried the Cajun Combo which is a half pound of polish sausage, half pound shrimp (we ordered extra), four spicy sweet corn half cobs, and if I recall a couple of blue crab claws. All were boiled nicely in the same pot with in a spicy handful of herbs, and the server took pride in the ritual dumping of the drained food in the middle of our table. I enjoyed the hell out of the food and so did my wife except she could not handle having to rip the head off her shrimp and made me doing all the shrimp cleaning.


Johnny Carino's (Anywhere, USA)

I do not know a lot about Italian food so I will not attempt to critic actual Italian food but I love the Italian Nachos, which have chips similar to Nacho chips but slightly lighter, topped with banana peppers, jalapenos, cheese, cream sauce, olives, and chicken and/or sausage.


Wienerschnitzel (Fast Food Chain)

Wienerschnitzel locations are almost entirely limited to California, Texas, and the Southwest. Who have to love a place whose mascot is a chili dog that runs around trying not to get eaten and there great advertising slogan of take the chili dog diet (No wonder I am a fat ass). Nothing says CRAZY TASTY quite like a number 5 chili dog, chili burger, and chili fires. If your ever at the Bell location in Amarillo if you use the phrase "and don't ejaculated in my chili" they use a different pot of chili, not sure if that is a good thing or not.