Thursday, March 16, 2006

Shopping Advice

When shopping with your significant other do not make small talk or sign language to other men about wanting to kill your self. This means no hand signs like
Having a gun to your head.
Pretending your being hung.
Using your hand as a knife and slashing your throat.
Even though your not doing this to hurt her feelings but, doing it to make other people laugh and lighten the mood so that shopping is more enjoyable it will result in violent nipple pinching. For some reason we are not allowed to make friends on shopping trips.
Another thing to remember, talking to other guys about anything at all even sympathizing with the poor bastard carrying the purse will result in nipple pinching or even worse the famous why can't you do that for me, which turns into a sermon about all the things you should start doing. Remember once this discussion has started taking place the only way to get out of this situation is to say these three phrases:
Yes dear
Your right
I am sorry


Big D said...

You poor bastard!

phred said...

What have you done with the real Dan ?
No, we will not pay any kind of ransom.
You should release him and the goat Now.

starbender said...

I luv those Jackasses!
Dan~that's just crazy!
We aren't like that!