Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Deer Season




It was a cold night, almost freezing just outside Bentonville, Arkansas. A thick mist was settling on the country side and the Steelers were nursing a 2 point lead on Monday Night Football, but something smelt in the air, a pungent odor, not quite right. Mr. Goldsberry felt restless and uneasy. He got up from his soft comfortable recliner and thought he might grab a cold Budweiser from the fridge. Where was his wife when she could be of use? Wayne was alone in the house his wife and daughter had left for something he couldn't remember what. He opened the fridge and reached down for the cold beer when he heard a booming crash from his daughter's bedroom. He rushed to his daughter's room. As he turned the corner into the hall there it was, a strong five-point buck. The animal had a crazy look in its eyes. Goldsberry starred the beast down. The buck quickly broke under Wayne's stare and retreated into the master bedroom. Goldsberry meandered into the room to confront the wild animal adrenalin coursing thru his veins, his heart pounding firm in his chest as he prepared to face the buck. The animal saw Goldsberry and went frantic jumping to and over Wayne's bed searching relentless for a way out.
The Buck looked like he was going to have to face the man. This older balding man had no weapons and he had an impressive weapon sitting the top his head. Many foes were going to meet him one day in battle and he would defeat them all. Slowly the beast gained confidence as realized he could take this soft human. There was no other choice anyway if he was going to escape and spread his seed. He would have to go through this pathetic excuse for a creature.
The two males faced off looking for a weakness desperate for an edge. Without warning the two crashed into each other at astounding speed. In the initial struggle the man had somehow took hold of the great bucks antlers, but the deer was two strong and broke free kicking the man in the abdomen. "Fuck", shouted Wayne. He was taking long ragged breathes his ribs felt like someone and taken a sledge hammer to them and every breathe felt like fire. His body couldn't take much more of this punishment. Wayne surveyed the situation and to his surprise saw an opportunity.
Leaping for the young buck Wayne caught hold of it's neck. A smile etched across his tired worn face. Forgetting all about his aches and the pain pulsating thru his body the buck kicked and thrashed frantically, urgently trying to break the hold fighting for release, fighting for it’s life. Goldsberry was too strong and too motivated, however the beast was going nowhere.
The young buck knew its days were over he would never see a doe again. With one last thrust a crack resonated in the air and the house went quiet. In the woods there was no hooting and the coyotes no longer howled. Goldsberry was victorious as he fell to his knees his opponents neck broken bleeding from the nose. A few minutes later he heard the gravel crunch as his wife and daughter pulled into the drive.
Mrs. Goldsberry was arriving late from town as she pulled into the drive. She and her daughter had been out shopping. She climbed out of the big SUV and called Wayne to help them take in today's haul. What was wrong with that man, I swear if his sitting on his ass drinking a beer! Forget it she thought they could take it in. She enter the house and noticed Wayne was not in his old worn out recliner that she begged him to get rid of. Her Daughter yelled out Dad! No answer came and she got a little worried, things did not feel right so she hollered out her husbands name. Thinking he must have gotten drunk again and passed out on the bed. She went to check the bedroom and noticed the door open and thought about telling him a thing or two when she looked in and screamed!
Wayne heard the screaming and slowly looked up; both his daughter and wife were standing there yelling. The deer laid dead, still in his arms. Wayne's arms maintained there firm hold around the poor beasts neck. Warm red blood was continuing to ooze from the previously healthy buck's mouth mixing in with his sweat. Blood was spattered everywhere and on everything at first Mrs. Goldsberry thought her husband dead. When she noticed it was the deer that was bleeding slowly she let out a sigh of relief. "What's going on?" she asked. Mr. Goldsberry smiled and replied "Thought we'd have some veal tomorrow. Oh, Could you hand me a beer?"

Obviously most of this is total bullshit, but I did read that a Wayne Goldsberry in Bentonville Arkansas wrestled a deer in his house and broke it's neck. The details were supplied by my imagination and poor grammar.

7 comments:

Glyn (Zaphod) Evans said...

Heh, that's quite a story. I remember seeing some shows on things like this. The one guy sat in his hut and scared a polar bear out. It was pretty amazing...

Crazy Dan said...

What a pussy I would have just punched that deer in the face and knocked his ass out like a tru gangster.

:P fuzzbox said...

Crack is whack.

Reiki said...

good bullshit D. But Bentonville is the home to the Walmart HQ. HE should have gone out to walmart and bought a shotgun...dumbass.

Big D said...

Did not know that Jane, I learn something new everyday!

Reiki said...

big D, when I worked as a bra analyst I had to go to W-mart HQ for top secret bra training stuff.

Let me know if you need educated on anything else...

Anonymous said...

Very interesting...I never really knew what ran through a hunter's mind as he subdued his pray. Now I know.

This is pretty cool!

Sudiegirl