Friday, January 20, 2006

30 Facts About David Hasselhoff

So while I was trying to sleep inspiration hit me, so I rushed to the computer to write it down. Everyone has seen the 30 reason why Chuck Norris is bad ass and Chuck Norris is bad ass, but what about that other well known pop culture icon David "The Hoff" Hasselhoff. Not much is truly known about this amazing man. So with a little research I was able to find 30 little known facts about the Hoff.

1.David Hasselhoff has slept with your mother and could be your father.
2.David Hasselhoff slept with every lifeguard on Baywatch.
3.David Hasselhoff slept with every lifeguard that worked for your town's pool.
4.There are many dying children out there whose last wish is to meet David Hasselhoff.
5.David Hasselhoff really invented Spandex.
6.David Hasselhoff invented condoms.
7.David Hasselhoff single handedly tore down the Berlin wall.
8.David Hasselhoff mother was a Banshee from Ireland.
9.David Hasselhoff can drink you under the table.
10.David Hasselhoff actually created German Death Metal.
11.David Hasselhoff was kicked out off NASCAR for being to bad ass.
12.David Hasselhoff can get you pregnant by just looking at you.
13.David Hasselhoff can travel back in time.
14.David Hasselhoff is the true "King" of Rock-N-Roll.
15.They based "The Terminator" off David Hasselhoff.
16.Merely touching a David Hasselhoff CD can get you laid by German supermodels.
17.David Hasselhoff voice is considered an aphrodisiac.
18.In Germany instead of history they teach about David Hasselhoff.
19.David Hasselhoff invented Hip Hop.
20.David Hasselhoff started the East Coast, West Coast war.
21.David Hasselhoff is a legend in the underground rap community.
22.David Hasselhoff would have kicked Hitlers ass.
23.David Hasselhoff is Odin's youngest son.
24.David Hasselhoff is not of any one nationality, but belongs to the world.
25.David Hasselhoff was kicked off the Kings of Comedy Tour for being too black.
26.David Hasselhoff was kicked off the Blue Collar Comedy Tour for being too redneck.
27.Harry Potter is really about David Hasselhoff life at school.
28.David Hasselhoff chest hair is actually magical.
29.David Hasselhoff will single handedly bring about world peace.
30.David Hasselhoff's video below is the greatest cinematic accomplishment ever!

Spread the word about the Hoff and he will bless you with all your wildest dreams, five minutes into writing this I've won the lottery in 5 different states and Angelina Jolie is actually having my baby!


Crazy Dan said...

Huff is truely a badass amoung badass's but a quick question are you on crack?

The Phoenix said...

I can't believe Hoff's version of "Hooked on a Feeling" wasn't a hit in America. Those Germans have wonderful taste in music. I mean, look at this guy - he's flying like Superman.

:P fuzzbox said...

After reading your post and watching Hasslehoffs video, I received a knock on the door and Charlize Theron had tracked me down and wanted me to impregnate her. Praise be to Hasslehoff.

Ranea said...

OMFG!!! Your right, David Hasslehoff is God!! OOOGAH CHAKKAH

gigotti said...

that is the funniest thing I have read in a long time. So when do we get 30 reasons for you?

Laurie said...

LOL.. you are too funny!!

Ann Alsex said...

Thanks for letting me steal that post. You are the shizzle. See those tapes are really working.

Big D said...

Crazy Dan: What can I say I'm hooked on a feeling. I'm high on believing!

Phoenix: To true!

Fuzz: That is amazing! What did I tell you!

Ranea: Glad to hear your a beliver in The Hoff!

Gigotti: 30 reasons why I'm a badass? Well I'll have to shorten the list.

Laurie: Did you let the Hoff borrow your bike?

Lisa said...

Big D - your list is classic. The video is the icing on the cake...damn that was funny to watch.

I hear David Hasselhoff was the inspiration for Rammstein. That's how they got their hard edge!

siren said...

In some states, David Hasselhoff is considered a means of "assisted suicide" (although not the preferable choice as it is extremely painful).

Breezy said...

Hoff is the only reason a hairy chest is hot...oh and i think he did your you must be the spawn of Hasselhoff.

Reiki said...

I wondered how I kept getting pregnant...I guess it was watching all those Boobwatch and Knight Rider re-runs. whew. Good to know. Thanks for the Head's up D

Master - Baiter said...

David Hasselhoff.
Never heard of him. Is he from Texas ??

What the hell does '' bugger '' mean ?

Big D said...

Rock Bitch: Another good fact!

Siren: Thanks for dropping a line.

Breezy: That's true I am in fact a bastard Hoff.

Dear Jane: Educating horney housewifes everywhere.

maister Baiter: No Hasselhoff is not one noationality is of the world! I thought you buggered Bobbi-Jo?