Tuesday, January 31, 2006

I was jumped... by middle schoolers.

"A UPS driver was savagely beaten by middle school students while delivering packages in the western suburbs Friday."

Was this before or after nap time? Seriously though, this is what happens when you deliver free condoms after preaching abstinence in inner city schools.




Actually, this is pretty messed up. Most of the UPS guys I've met, are nice guys and this this just plain bullshit. This was like an ambush. Where one kid stood in the middle of the road and when Thomas Murphey stoped his truck 15 or 20 little fuckers surrounded it and knocked him on the head with a metal pipe. They then proceeded to beat the living shit out of him. A passing motorist called the police and the UPS guy was taken to the hospital. No serious damage was done. The witty response from a news anchor on CBS Channel 2 in Chicago was "to think there could be kids involved, 12 or 13 year olds." Ummm... that's why it's called middle school. If I was Thomas Murphey, the UPS driver, I'd be carrying a bomb to their mom. Exercise a little breeder control.

Update: I do not condone nor would I ever take a bomb to someone's mother, guardian, or relative. Unless they were Iraqi, it was also offensive to say breeder when I meant welfare whore. Thank you.

2nd Update: I do not condone the bombing of any Iraqi or Muslim in the United States. I also apologize for my above comment of "welfare whore". I was frustrated as it is tax season. Everyone needs help sometimes; I just don't understand why it has to be me to help your unemployed ass. Thank you.


3rd Update: I do not know if it is me actually helping you. So I might not have meant you. I was speaking in generalities. I also apologize for anything else I referred to or mentioned that might have offended you. Thank you.

4 comments:

Crazy Dan said...

Thats a pretty fucking funny post.. opps hope you are not offended by the word fuck.

cleveland said...

nice covering your bases i guess but i think you had it right on the first update welfare whore is the right slogan. i think if i were the driver i would have taken a few of them fuckers down so they would remember who they were meesing with oh yeah sorry if offend by using the word fuckers

RAVEN the PITA said...

Thats crazy! and those updates really fucking offended me. :-P

Jaime said...

Tom Hanks could totally play him in the movie about that fateful day.


but they need to add ninjas to the movie.