Friday, July 29, 2005

Lots of news!

I'm siked today, because the new design looks brilliant. Shit, there it goes again. I've been reading way too many British books, watching too much BBC, and I'm starting to talk like Gordon Ramsay. At first it was just a few words that started adding to my vocabulary, like brilliant from that Guinness commercial. Then others started seeping into my brain and started saying "Spot on" and signing my e-mail as cheers. I don't know what's going to happen now, maybe I'll stop brushing. As long as I don't start blowing up buses I should be ok, let's get on with the rest of the post.

Celebrity Crap / Strange News:
Here is something I think is brilliant. Fuck! Anyway, I work in the IT industry and nothing is more annoying when a customer brings in their computer and it's loaded with Spyware and the internet browser has about 15 toolbars on it. The dark lords whom my allegiance belongs too have agreed with me and IE7 will kill all third party toolbars. No more Google or yahoo toolbars! Sure some morons like these tools, overall they are highly annoying and just used to spy on you and see where you traveling on the net. Some programs try to install this toolbars on your machine slyly, like Adobe Acrobat. Sure you can always use Firefox, it is a good browser the tabs come in handy. For you Firefox users there are just as many bugs in it as there are in IE it's a fact. I imagine this will help Firefox gain more customers, but the large majority will continue to use IE. This is because of indifference, loyalty, or ignorance, and of course there is always the Mac Zealot. Apple freaks are another story though.

Did anyone know or care that Michael Jackson had a new greatest hits CD? It's only sold 8,000 copies this week and the people who bought it were dropped on their heads as babies. Now there is a scientific study that should be looked into.

A woman in Kansas is filing sued against Denny's for "toilet burns". I guess this means I can get rich of all these Mexican restaurants here in Texas. Between all the Habaneros and jalapenos in the food my fiery shit will make me millions!

Check out this story, I can't post any pictures as they are copyrighted. ANITA JONES crushes men for cash. The 18 stone, 52DD divorcee from Devon earns a fortune simply sitting on men. I'm not sure what 18 stone means I think it means enormously fat. I have to agree with her ex David although not too much he still had a kid with her.I thought a saucy outfit would spice things up.
So one night I'd zipped up my 18st and 55DD boobs into the catsuit. I thought it showed off my curves. David was watching TV, so I crept downstairs and opened the living room door."Honey," I purred, "I've got something for you!" I shimmied into the room. He glanced round with a look of horror. Then turned back to the Sci-Fi film he was watching. "I'm not interested," he muttered.

Vienna's Leopold Museum has invited the public to come in the nude on Friday to view an exhibition of erotic works by Austrian masters like Gustav Klimt and Egon Schiele. At first this sounds like a Wonderful way to spend a Friday. Let's go look at some boobies for free! What you will end up seeing is hairy man ass and nobody wants to view hairy man ass.

If this is true and I hope it is, it's quite funny, British subways are warning people not to run on the concourse, especially if you look a bit foreign.

When will men learn that the only time is even remotely safe for women to handle knives is in the kitchen. After taunting his wife over a recently deceased pets death (never a good idea) a Florida women stabbed her husband with a freaking large sword.
After tying the not a Los Angeles man had second thought. Instead of getting the marriage annulled he did the only sane thing and threw her off a cliff. AWWWWW, Love!

Those crazy Japanese and their crazy sex slaves. Japanese scientists have unveiled the most human-looking robot yet devised. It uses silicon for it's skin instead of hard plastic. Now we know that cyborgs are all around us. Cyborgs with sexy large breasts!

Will OJ Simpson crimes never stop? I'm not sure what's worse getting away with killing two people are stealing cable. This time the glove fit and they had to acquit.

Did anyone lose 24 kilograms of cocaine? If so the Austrian police located it in the lost and found at the airport.

I knew these pictures would come out of Tara Reid at my party. I apologize for this drucken debauchery placed on you. I will try harder to hide pictures like this next time. Yes, sadly, alcohol doesdo that to your ass.

Girl of the Day:

Christina Milian. Everything British.

Blog Quote:
Sir Lancelot: We were in the nick of time. You were in great peril. Sir Galahad: I don't think I was. Sir Lancelot: Yes, you were. You were in terrible peril. Sir Galahad: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril. Sir Lancelot: No, it's too perilous. Sir Galahad: Look, it's my duty as a knight to sample as much peril as I can. Sir Lancelot: No, we've got to find the Holy Grail. Come on. Sir Galahad: Oh, let me have just a little bit of peril? Sir Lancelot: No. It's unhealthy. Sir Galahad: I bet you're gay. Sir Lancelot: No, I'm not.
- Monty Python and the Holy Grail


Crazy Dan said...

Great blog today so much to comment on but the thing that made me laugh the most is your misuse of legal terms which as you know is a pet peave of mine. justt reread the OJ Simpson post and you will understand what I mea. Other then that it was bloody brillant.

Big D said...

Yes I can see my so called cleverness was total shiate that time.

Ruben said...

Sir Mix A Lot: Baby got back! But in Tara's case, baby got wierd white girl back! Love the new design!!!!

:P fuzzbox said...

I beleive a stone converts to 12 pounds making this woman the correct weight if she were about 7'tall.

Big D said...

See you learn something everyday on this blog.

Breezy said...

52DD????....that's a huge bitch!

Big D said...

Yes that is a huge bitch and Tara's ass is looking a little ragged. It must have been ridden hard.