Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Believe it or not I was up researching wedding stuff. Soon I am going to be getting married and I do not want to look like a total tool in front of 200 people and my soon to be new in-laws. So I am trying to find out what exactly is expected of me at a wedding like traditions and etiquette, you know stuff not to do and things to be aware of that I have to do. So while researching this stuff I came across this pictures and I was wondering if this was real? I would also like to hear some feed back of wedding disasters. I think every wedding I have ever been to I was an asshole, not that I meant to be one just that I was always scared of them for some reason. So for those people who's wedding I attended and those people who's wedding I was suppose to attend but for some reason did not *coughJoe&Heathercough* I apologize and ask for fogivness. It is not completely my fault that I am an asshole.
A positive story about handguns, finally. Due Moore a 72 year old with a concealed handgun permit shot and fatally wounded Felix Vigil at an Albuquerque Wal-Mart. Vigil showed up at the Wal-Mart deli where he proceeded to stab the shit out of his girlfriend. The old crusty old bastard, Moore then proceeded to bust a cap in Vigil's ass. Now, if Wal-Mart will only make it legal to shoot poor drivers and out of control screaming little bastards.
That picture is from New York. Yes, it appears rednecks have penetrated the north and have foot holes in the state of New York. What's better is the reporter who had to explain that farm-n means farming. Pieter DeHond the redneck in question has received 700 replies. One woman from California sent him a pizza with her name and phone number on it. "I reckon that seemed like a nice thing to do," said DeHond, who has since been in contact with this extremely lonely woman.
If this story reminds you of yourself log off of World of Warcraft, grab a beer, Tara Reid, and get a cheap hotel room. Geek Overcomes Social Anxiety By Turning Life into RPG
Here is an additional wallpaper for sticking with me this week.
Monday, August 29, 2005
Well I am moving into a new place. The most important thing for me when moving in is where do I put my statue of Jesus. For you to fully understand this you must know that this statue came to me through dishonesty and sin. A few of my drinking buddies decided to go out riding around to terrorize the campus one day. Needless to say across the street of the campus is say a 4 foot statue of Jesus at a Christian Store being drunk they thought it would make a good addition to their room. Fast forward to the next day I went to the room and found them to be supertious, scared, and distressed because in the middle of their room was a 4 foot concrete Jesus. Drinking must give you super human strength because this thing is heavy. So the only solution to their problem it seemed was go out and throw Jesus away. Well I just could not let them do that so I saved Jesus. That's right not only does Jesus save Crazy Dan saves too. Well that's the back story of why I have a Stolen 4 foot concrete statue of Jesus. However my roommate refuses to allow me to put Jesus in the front of his house but he has a Dragon Statue on his fireplace showing it off like some God Totem. But we compromised and placed Jesus on the corner of the porch to watch over the house. So burglars beware the house of Crouching Dragon Hidden Jesus.
Twin week begins and let's start it off with Shawna & Jennifer Bucci. Today is for the blond lovers they might not be natural, but when did you care. These women don't have your boob fix with measurement like 34b-25-35 for you boob enthusiasts, but it's like my daddy always said "I wouldn't kick her out of bed unless it was to fuck her up the ass."
Friday, August 26, 2005
Thursday, August 25, 2005
So the Aimless Ranter not only bitches about everything he is a crybaby too. "Your stories are boring and too long. I want pictures of real women not cartoons." Well if you want pictures of a bunch of sluts use your computer to find some that what they were made for, not my fault you cannot get laid. But since you asked for it I will give you want you want. Just remember women love that bad guys and I am the baddest of them all.
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Once entering the Cave I discovered that the Minions of the Brainkin were everywhere and masses of warriors were succombing to these whorish beasts. These serpents were truly cunning for they masked their true appearance with skill not of this Earth. It was only through the Sandals of Peace that I was able to calm my mind and see past the illusion. :P Fuzzbox just laughed and stared exclaiming that these demons were merely younglings learning their talents and that the plan he had set forth was more then capable of success. I suppose living with a demon makes you more resilient or maybe he could not see what I saw; the hungry eyes of the Brainkin and her minions were marking me. I felt as good as dead.
Wives around the world prove they are exactly the same. When Om Saleh of Jordan was watching a beauty contest he made a remark, something like "Nice tits!" or "Check out the ass on that bitch!", his wife went insane and bit of his ear. Literally, she bit of his ear and then told her sons to take the ear on their father to the vet because he was a pig and get it sewn back on. That's just cold, what are husband not allowed to appreciate the finer things in life?
After many late nights and favors called in, R. Kelly's manager was able to book him on the MTV Video awards. How could R Kelly miss playing in front of millions of young pre-pubescent girls? I'm sure the star was starting to really jones for that teenage lovin'. "Sure, some know about my past. All it takes is one though, baby!" said R. Kelly
Teri Hatcher is so busy working on Desperate Housewives that she has considered hiring a gigolo because she doesn't have time for romance. I would like to offer my services as a man-whore to Ms. Hatcher. Man-whoring can be a difficult job, but I'll let you handle it.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005 in the "sometimes..." post I ranted about the stupidity of a coworker who thought they had a computer problem. When in fact it was a cricket making the noise. Some people questioned the stupidity of the woman, today I give an update. Today this person goes off to get her head examined. Literally, she is going in for a cat scan. When the other tech in the office heard about this he came into my office where we joked about the Doctor not finding anything, then he suddenly said "Maybe they'll find that cricket in her head." Upon uttering these words a light suddenly enveloped the room as an idea burst fort. We would replace her default sounds with sounds of crickets chirping. The brilliance, sure most user would no how to change this, but I'm willing to bet she won't. She obviously has mental problems after all and I'm sure her doctor would agree. If she does happen to figure out how to change this, who cares? However, if this slight breeze is able to push her off the crazy cliff, then it's all the better.
Monday, August 22, 2005
It's a slow news day only one real article that I thought was worthy to comment on. Sure there was something about a hobbyist and his enthusiasm for growing weed and a Hindu Hugging Saint in India that escaped being stabbed. But no real one liner's came to me on these stories like the one of Ashlee. So instead of I thought I'd talk about something I heard on Sirius radio this weekend. I think it was Covino and Rich on Maxim who started this topic, that way I don't get labeled a plagiarizer. They were talking about who should run for president in '08. We know Hillary will run, but who will the Republican Party nominee and will there be an independent candidate? Along with Rich from Maxim Radio I am here by giving my full support to a Hogan - Slaughter presidency. That's right Hulk Hogan is the leader of the future. We are talking about a man that single handedly took down the iron curtain and put an ass whipping to the mullah of the Middle East the Iron Sheik. That's not to mentioning taking on Eastern Communism by leg dropping Mr. Fuji. Yes, Hulk Hogan has an exemplary resume and when you include his taking on "Giant" problems and body slamming them. You get what no one thought possible, you get a real American. Then think of the second in charge a real American hero, Sergeant Slaughter. If knowing is half the battle then consider the war won with my main man Sergeant Slaughter.
Whatcha gonna do when the Hulkamania and Sergeant Slaughter's campaign runs wild on you!
Friday, August 19, 2005
Deep in recesses of the earth lays the Cave of Disturbed. In this cave there are hundreds of people all battling for supremacy. In this lair the serpents are plentiful and flash their fangs creating havoc as warriors fight among their own to catch glimpses of the amazing round ORBS. Spies have informed me that the Brainkin has sent all her Minions to put a stop to me acquiring the Metal God's Helmet, it has even been said that she will also be in attendance. It is imperative that I find the helmet for it is this piece of the armor that will block out the mind waves that the Brainkin emits to control me. The Wizard Bid D has said that to counteract the disease of being "pussywhipped" I must find the Metal God's Helment. The wizard suggest that I seek out the famous Dwarfen leader :PFuzzbox and enlist the mighty powers of his battle axe. The Dwarf is known to have a strong taste for debauchery. In the past this would have doomed me but it is my belief that his drunken debauchery can keep Brainkin's Minions at bay. So tonight we battle for the Metal God's Helmut of Salvation and we shall obtain it no matter how many serpents we must put to bed.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
So ninja's finally made their move in Orange County. I knew it was bound to happen sooner or later. The ninja robbed employees of the Steak and Shake restaurant after closing about 2am with a small knife. The police seemed surprised the ninja was able to rob several people with only a knife, but as one employee said. It was a fucking Ninja!
I have a love hate relationship with morons. I hate it when the ask me questions, but love it when they do something so inherently stupid you just have to shake your head and laugh about natural selection. When animal lover extraordinaire Stephen Sodones saw a snake on the road just waiting to be run over by an evil gas burning SUV he decided to help the poor creature out. As any three year old knows and Steve just learned snakes bite. Granted it was the low potency venom from a copperhead, but it still managed to bite the retard 3 times. Steve then later visited the ICU and is expected to leave soon.
In celebrity news Eva Longoria was rushed to the hospital after an accident on the set of Desperate Housewives. The accident was caused by hitting her head hard on a desk, while she was under it giving me fellatio. Some media outlets report it was caused by a pole and in a way it was.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Well Phred here at West Texas Rocks we aim to please and since for some reason you did not like the girl of the day because of some homosexual fantasy of yours. Here is your requets that has been granted to everyone else Ia m sorry Phred wanted to see some titties so on the count of three..... 1....2...3... THANKS PHRED.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Sometimes teenagers miss crucial steps in the planning stages. Four criminal masterminds from Rochester, New York decided to hold up a patron at the local McDonald's. After an eloquent ambush and a getaway plan in place these sophisticates took to action and robbed a man of.... $2 and his breakfast meal. Investigators have yet to leak whether it was a Egg McMuffin meal or a Bacon, Egg & Cheese Biscuit meal. These dangerous criminals are still on the loose, so CONSTANT VIGILANCE!
Maybe, part of the problem is teachers should start teaching the students and stop sleeping with the students. I know it's a novel concept, but perhaps it can revolutionize the teaching profession. Imagine teachers that did not open their legs at the site of a thirteen year old boy, but instead opened a .... Ready for it, a book. Yes, that's right a book. Intriguing! I do not know who would want to sleep with this hag, maybe she taught a special needs class, but Dana Synder Fairfax County, Virginia pleaded guilty to having sex with a minor on two occasions.
I love Microsoft and I thought this story fit perfect with todays content. Here is a big kick in the ass for all you Apple lovers. Apple is going to have to pay Microsoft ten bucks for every iPod they have sold and will sell. Bill Gates' law firm filed a patent for technology behind the hugely successful digital music player two months before Apple. The US Patent Office has ruled that Microsoft has the right to charge competitors a license fee for each iPod sold. With 21 million iPods sold you could think of Apple as Microsoft subsidiary. Sure they are incompetent and flakey, but hey it could be Novell.
Monday, August 15, 2005
Your Political Profile
|Overall: 95% Conservative, 5% Liberal|
|Social Issues: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal|
|Personal Responsibility: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal|
|Fiscal Issues: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal|
|Ethics: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal|
|Defense and Crime: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal|
Yeah, he is a bit convervative..... maybe he needs some ass or something.
Your Political Profile
|Overall: 55% Conservative, 45% Liberal|
|Social Issues: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal|
|Personal Responsibility: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal|
|Fiscal Issues: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal|
|Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal|
|Defense and Crime: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal|
I think it was that death penalty question that made me balance out more because pedophiles deserve death in the most painful ways imagainable.
A recurring post seems to be warning morons of not annoying other people. What seems obvious to most sometimes needs to be retold to the stupid. So just in case you did not know. Don't fuck with marines! Daniel Cotnoir of Lawrence, Mass. was named as marine of the year. After calling the police complaining about the noise he took matters into his own hands "Iraqi Style" and fired a warning shot into the crowd injuring one loud bastard and one shrill byatch. So if you don't want to be shot be aware of your surroundings and don't fuck with people who can kill you.
There are punishments for not doing your homework and then there is getting kicked in the nuts for not doing your homework. "The headmistress of a village school in West Bengal seriously injured a six-year-old boy when she hit him in his private parts to punish him for mistakes in the homework." Damn, woman the kid is 6 years old, shit. If you look at a little differently and I was kicked in the nuts as a homework punishment at that age I'd be a helluva a lot better at grammar and wouldn't have to worry about having illegitimate children.
Sunday, August 14, 2005
Friday, August 12, 2005
5. The New Pope
Maybe it is wrong of me to wish the new pope will get herpes but I have valid reasons for this though and the first one is many of the illegal people coming in to the US are Hispanic. And most Hispanics are catholic and breed like you do not believe. The reason for this is Catholics do not believe in birth control so if the new Pope got herpes there would be some new church law.
4. My Boss
Ok simple reason for this one if I pretended I had herpes and called in because I had an outbreak she would totally understand.
3. Lindsey Lohan
I really think the only way for her to get her life back on track some disease to shack up her life and nothing does that quite like your genitals being on fire and feeling like sharp knives stabbing you.
2. Colin Farrell
He made one of the best super villains of any comic book movie so far when he played Bulls eye so imagine the next daredevil with a really pissed off Farrell with Herpes it would be bloody brilliant. Plus he gets all kinds of ass I am guess with herpes he will not get as much and it would filter to umm not me cause the love of my life is reading this. Yeah that is right not mine. Love you Breezy.
1. Big D
Yep none other then your web host Big D. Do not get me wrong I hope the outbreaks are a minimum but if he had herpes I could set him up with Alyssa and then she could bang his brains out then maybe he would loan me some money and forget about it cause he is always having sex and I would never have to pay him back. Oops sorry about that I starting rating there for a minute.
Last Friday I was unable to update the video and Video Code Zone was done. This week is was back up and running and I have 5 new videos for you.
At one time I had a section dedicated to music, but it didn't pan out as a daily post. O here is some music I've come across recently. I downloaded a small Tribute to Queen CD it was okay, but one song in particular was really badass. Breaking Benjamin did their take on Who Want to Live Forever. This is defiantly something you should download. The new Staind album Chapter V is decent. I like it much better then 14 Shades of Gray, but it's nowhere close to as good as Break the Cycle or Dysfunction.
I saw today where a study rated the top five and liberal cities in America. Not that I care on way or the other but their were two cities on the top conservative list that I should note. Number two on the list Lubbock, Texas 75 miles away and Number three Abilene, Texas 85 miles away. So it's easy to guess my political affiliation, but that's about as political as I like to get.
Aimless Ranter should like this post as he seems obsessed with Jessica Simpson. Simpson decided to come out with a plus size line of jeans. Her dad said "We have people 300 pounds or 90 pounds come up to Jessica and say, 'I'm just like you' ... It's not about the outside. It's what's inside." What hallmark card did he read this shit off of? Do you think people would want to see Jessica Simpson in Daisy Dukes if she was 300lbs? Maybe you crazy chubby chasers would but I cringe at the very thought.
Sometimes you're in a hurry and you forgot what you packed in your luggage. I'm sure ladies can relate with their massive purses, which contain a little bit of everything in the known world. So when Charles Alfred Dreyling Jr. try to board a Delta Airline he was calmly asked about the PIPE BOMB in his luggage. Dreyling said he had forgot it was in there. He later told investigators he made bombs for recreation and had recently set off several devices with friends in rural Oklahoma. Now some of you may think why the hell would anyone make a pipe bomb for recreation? Well he is from Oklahoma so you should automatically think redneck and in truth he maybe telling it like it is, although I have problems with rednecks being smart enough to do this. So now poor Charles has to think of other reaction activities, which I'm sure he new cellmate will gladly discuss as they make sweet, sweet love.
A few posts ago we had a 1000 years of power with the Michigan Knight. Now I bring you DRAGONS.
That's right bitches, not Laughing at my sword collection now are you! That proof is brought to you by The Epoch Times.
I would like to say happy birthday to Kermit the Frog who turns fifty next month. Some doubted the lecherous frog would not last to fifty, but you showed them all Kermit! Kermit's heart still seems to be healthy and strong, even after all these years of eating pork.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Sure I can make fun of Tara Reid and show examples of what whoring and alcohol can do you to you, but I know my readers like to go whoring and drinking and who doesn't?
I personally don't like drinking in the sun during the middle of the day. It each one's own though.
The Price was wrong for this byatch as Samantha Steele was fired from The Price as Right Australia for being too sexy. Yes the Barker beauty was found to be just entirely to slutty after raunchy internet pictures of her were found. The Search is on!
On Design / Style- 1.00 of 5.00
What the hell? My blog is one of the few that don't use pre-made templates that are starting to bore me to death, at least give me 2.5 for effort asshole. This one rating pisses me off the most, for more then the others. You are true cocksucker for this one.
Recent / Regular Updates 3.00 of 5.00
OK, sometimes I forget.
Loadtime 1.00 of 5.00
You got me there I designed the blog for me and my highspeed circuit not dialup.
Interesting Content 3.00 of 5.00
Thank you, I'll take that as a positive.
Technical Errors 3.00 of 5.00
Colors 3.00 of 5.00
I'll try and take this as a positive. My blog is readable, I guess I didn't have enough pink and purple on their, huh? Well let your colors shine, Rainbowbright.
Grammar 1.00 of 5.00
You got me there. I wonder if you can grade lower?
Too many plug-ins 3.00 of 5.00
You don't need plug-ins for my site. I purposefully don't use flash for this reason.
Layout 3.00 of 5.00
Review total score 48 of 100%
Well fuck you too.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
After reading a few practical jokes I cam across one that seemed to me to be to crazy to work. The scientist in me decided that I would test it out to see if it did in fact work to my great surprise it did! I must warn you though you must be a very cold hearted to person to attempt this but lucky for us I am that person.
I was shopping in a supermarket when I noticed that an older woman around the corner and I thought to myself there is the perfect victim. So I followed her around the store filling up my basket as I went. I could tell she was scared for a while but I kept following her and staring at her in a sorrowful manner.
When she finished shopping and I saw her head to the checkout line I rushed in front of her so that she is behind me in a long checkout line. All right by now my grocery basket is full to overflowing; and hers just contains just a few items. So to pull this off I continue to keep staring at her sadly, making her feel most uncomfortable. Finally I test her reaction. Pardon my staring, I say, but you look exactly like my mom, who died just two weeks ago from cancer. And with great skill start to sniffle and I repeat to her my claim that she perfectly resembles my late, beloved mother. I mean, exactly like her, I cry. Then, as the cashier bags my groceries at the front of the line, I ask for her for a favor: As a favor to a grief-stricken son, would you mind saying Goodbye, Son to me as I leave? Somehow, it would make me feel so much better. You can tell the old broad has taken the bait gulps and agrees to my request giving me a hug in the process. I give her a tearful smile, wave and pick up my five heavy bags. Goodbye Son! she says, waving back.
The old lady probably feels sorry for me, reflecting on her good deed, feels such a warm glow of self-satisfaction that she barely notices the cashier ringing up her own few purchases. Until, that is, the cashier tells her that the bill comes to $350. I am sure there was quite the argument and she was quite stunned I am sure especially when the cashier tells her, Your son said you'd be paying for his too. I know that was wrong of me and I should feel bad about it but the fact is she really did not pay for my bill the government did, if I have to pay all the Medicare taxes for these people I think I should get something in return. Sorry my post was so long today but I thought you needed to hear the story before the cops come and see me.
Christina Aguilera is horrified by the deterioration in Spears' appearance. She is not the only one. Aguilera hopes that Spears will be content with motherhood, because she doubts she'll ever be a pop star again. Sure Aguilera does anal double penetration and other acts I can't imagine, but she is not the one having a 200 pound rhinoceros. Aguilera promoting her new movie Dirty Sanchez and the Pearl Necklace had this to say. "She's let herself go. I can't see a comeback on the cards." Plus, those panties do not match her dress. Awww, Christina always accessorizing.
We have Big Brother in America, and I might watch it more if things like this happened. Too bad there is no way this will happen on network television. A housemate Kinga asked housemates Craig and Anthony whether she should put the wine bottle "up her fanny". Craig began laughing in disbelief while Anthony, uncomfortable with the situation told her to stop. Afterwards Kinga said "I can't believe I just done that. I didn't give a shit". Kinga then exclaimed "I'm going to go right now and masturbate on the grass" while taking the wine bottle with her. Kinga then lay on the grass with the bottle, while a shocked Anthony watched from the living room and neither dipshit offered her a hand, where did they learn their manners? Here is a link to the video, hope you don't get crabs by watching it.